Terrye Cheathem, a criminal defense lawyer and adviser to the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, has developed a line of greeting cards for a Hallmark-ignored demographic: the recently incarcerated. Among her selections are cards reading "Sorry to hear about your arrest," and "Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before," and, simply, "Not You!" A remorseful correspondent could choose: "I know that I have not visited you. But I still care about you ... When are you getting out, anyway?"

Card sales are slow, according to an October Los Angeles Times story, and Cheathem acknowledges that people might prefer to ignore their connections to criminals.

-- Three aldermen in Dover, N.J., seem exceptionally apprehensive that the town's gumball machines are easy targets for terrorists to poison their community and have been studying the issue zealously since April. The aldermen have checked all 800 gumball machines in the town of 18,000, gotten rid of the 100 that were unlicensed, and will report to the mayor by Jan. 1 on the town's vulnerability. (The mayor has been mildly supportive of the project, as contrasted with the police chief, who said, "You'd probably win the lottery first" before being victimized by terrorists' gumballs.)

-- Silliness: (1) The New York City Department of Education is currently paying 757 employees their full salaries while they sit idle in nine "reassignment rooms" each day, awaiting hearings on alleged wrongdoing. Union contracts require the payments until final adjudication, yet the department fears that having the accused in the workplace would jeopardize students and the school system (according to a September New York Post report). (2) The Lancashire (England) Police recently concluded its investigation of Constable Jayson Lobo, finding that he merely committed errors, and not fraud, in his expense account (with discrepancies totaling the equivalent of less than $200). The Times of London reported that the investigation cost the equivalent of about $1 million.

-- Australian performance artist Stelios Arcadious, 61, showed off the laboratory-grown ear that he had implanted in his arm in 2006 and which now fully resembles his other two ears, according to an October report in London's Daily Mail, reviewing his latest show at Britain's Newcastle Centre for Life. The next step, he said, is to implant a tiny microphone, connected to a Bluetooth transmitter, so that his audiences can hear what his third ear "hears."

-- MIT sophomore Star Simpson, 19, was arrested at Logan International Airport in Boston in September when she walked by a security checkpoint wearing her own fashion creation of a hooded sweatshirt with a wired circuit board sewn onto the front, thus evoking the image of a suicide bomber. She compounded the problem by being uncommunicative, but shortly after her arrest, authorities determined that she is simply a bright but eccentric student who designs quixotic gadgets.

-- Thirty contestants squared off in September at the Los Angeles County Fair's competitive dinner-table-setting contest, in which the entrants had not only to comply with formal etiquette rules (e.g., cutlery aligned properly; 24-inch distance from the center of one plate to the center of another), but to create artistic "tablescapes" (such as the Kentucky Derby table with a racetrack centerpiece or the James Bond table with martini glasses and a handgun). Next year, according to a Los Angeles Times report, judges will be required, for the first time, to consider whether settings are appetizing enough to actually eat from.

-- Donald Turk, 48, and two associates were charged in Lake Elsinore, Calif., in September with kidnapping Turk's girlfriend, whom Turk was trying to push out of his life because she annoyed him. His plan, allegedly, was to take her to Mexico, drop her off, and hope that she would not return home. However, she was back several hours later, demanding that Turk pay off the cab driver who had driven her from the border. Arrested with Turk was a 47-year-old pal nicknamed "No Nose" because he has a hole in the middle of his face as the result of a gunshot. Said police Det. Joe Greco, "(This case) is like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie."

-- Petty Crime: (1) Police in Mesa, Ariz., reported that a man in a black Chrysler sedan pulled up to a Burger King worker on the street late one evening in September and, at gunpoint, took the uniform he was wearing. (2) In Hyannis, Mass., in September, an 18-year-old high school student was charged with possession of marijuana, which police said he was smoking out of an apple.

"Over my dead body was I going to give the state another dollar for the tolls," said Thomas Jensen, 68, to the judge in Rochester, N.H., in September as he accepted the three-day jail sentence instead of a $150 fine. He had been convicted of cheating the state for insisting on using two discontinued 25-cent tokens to pay a 50-cent toll after he had failed to use the tokens up before their expiration. The toll road is a connector between the 50-cent-saving Jensen's main residence in Braintree, Mass., and his summer home in New Hampshire.

Police in Pittsburgh arrested a man in October for, they said, trying to get change at a Giant Eagle store for the bogus $1 million bill he was carrying (with a likeness of Grover Cleveland) and getting rowdy in the cashier's office when he was turned down. Also, in October, six men went on trial in England's Southwark Crown Court, charged with trying to get the Bank of England to exchange a large number of bills in the denominations of 1,000 pounds (currency which was discontinued in 1963) and 500,000 pounds (which never existed). (One British pound was worth about $1.90 at the time.)

About once a year, News of the Weird learns of an episode in which a motorist creeps up to a railroad crossing and then onto the tracks, but mysteriously at that point is unable to move the car forward or backward, and even more mysteriously, a train is coming at precisely that moment, and the motorist must either bail out or be killed. In the latest incident, Betsy DeVall wound up on the tracks in Greer, S.C., in October and later said she mumbled to herself, "Oh, my gosh, I'm on the track. I've got to get off." She was unable to move her car, for some reason, but fortunately police Sgt. Marcus O'Shields saw the whole thing and pulled her to safety just before an oncoming train crashed into the car.

-- Trial lawyer Gary Baise is also the "lower taxes, limited government ... less spending" candidate for chairman of the Fairfax County (Va.) Board of Supervisors, but an October Washington Post investigation revealed that he had collected nearly $300,000 in federal subsidies between 1995 and 2005 on an already profitable farm he owns in Illinois. At first, he appeared outraged at himself: "There's no way you can justify this for guys like me. This is what's wrong with government." Nonetheless, he said, he'll continue to take the subsidies.

-- Even More Chutzpah! (1) The man who witnesses say robbed the Washington Mutual Bank in Miami Springs, Fla., in October was arrested outside the bank, but when he was brought back inside to be identified, he shouted at the employees (according to a Miami Herald report), "You ruined my life! I told you not to call (the) police!" (2) Authorities in Concord, N.H., arrested Frank Drake, 37, in October, after finding him watering one of his several marijuana-plant gardens alongside Interstate 89. Police seized 44 plants on the southbound side and 88 on the northbound side.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

Crime-fearing female pedestrians in Tokyo can soon protect themselves with fashion designer Aya Tsukioka's skirt that opens into a realistic-looking (except made of fabric), full-size vending machine that she hopes thugs will pass right by. It's one of several fanciful crime-avoiding creations of the genre that Japanese inventors are noted for, according to an October New York Times dispatch. Another, the "manhole bag," resembles a sewer covering when laid on the ground but can hold a person's valuables, again provided that the thug passes it up. Yet another is women's wraparound sunglasses that are extra-dark so that even shy, eye-contact-avoiding females can stare unobserved at potential perverts in trains to guard against the ubiquitous groping.

-- As several sightings were made around Washington, D.C., of dragonfly-looking bugs hovering in the air at political events, government agencies were denying that they had released any tiny surveillance robots, according to an October Washington Post investigation. "I look up and I'm like, 'What the hell is that?'" asked a college student at an antiwar rally in Washington. "They looked kind of like dragonflies or little helicopters. But ... those are not insects." Several agencies and private entities admitted to the Post that they were trying to develop such devices, but no one took credit for having them in the air yet.

-- Air Safety: (1) Nepal Airlines, which was having technical trouble with one of its two Boeing 757s in August, announced that it had fixed the problem by sacrificing two goats to appease the Hindu sky god Akash Bhairab. (2) As passengers boarded a Vueling Airlines flight from Madrid, Spain, in June, they noticed that 29 of the 32 rows of seats on one side were out of service, but they could hardly have been comforted by the captain's announcement that "(W)e have a safety problem with the door at the front. Don't worry, it's only a safety problem." (No incidents were reported on the flight.)

-- School Security: (1) MJ Safety Solutions of Danvers, Mass., has developed a $195 bullet-proof backpack for students, using a lightweight, police-equipment-quality panel, and is seeking approvals from school boards to promote them, according to an August Boston Herald report. (2) Britain's Bladerunner company has developed student jumpers and blazers lined with knife-resistant Kevlar, starting at the equivalent of about $260, according to an August BBC News story.

-- In August, representatives of New East Britain province in Papua New Guinea formally begged the forgiveness of the Fiji High Commissioner for incidents in 1875 when PNG tribes killed and ate Fijian missionaries who had come to spread Christianity. (In fact, the PNG spokespersons pointed out that "forgiveness" was a major tenet of the Christianity that PNG came to accept from the missionaries.)

-- Medical student Wes Pemberton was scheduled to be officially measured in October in Tyler, Texas, for his upcoming spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. He told KLTV that he has a leg hair 5.0 inches long, surpassing the incumbent record of 4.88 inches. Pemberton said that his prize hair is growing amidst other normal-length hair, and that he has been treating it with conditioner to keep it strong for the measuring.

A new condominium development in New York City, near 11th Avenue and West 24th Street (with prices starting at $6.25 million), features in-unit garages, allowing the resident to drive into the En-Suite Sky Garage System at street level and be lifted to his own unit. Guests and residents who don't own cars will just have to use the ordinary elevators.

Spectacular Errors: (1) The Kuala Lumpur phone company Telekom Malaysia acknowledged in April that it mistakenly sent a bill for the equivalent of $218 trillion (that's 218 followed by 12 zeroes) or 806.4 trillion ringgit. The account was for the late father of Yahaya Wahab, whose final bill should have been the equivalent of $23. (2) Jayantibhai Patel, 57, was arrested in Foster City, Calif., in October after admitting that he smacked his father in the head with a hammer, requiring his hospitalization. Patel told police that he wanted the father to be put in a nursing home, but was under the impression that only a hospital could assign him to one, and thus, he needed to get him into a hospital.

(1) After some mild bickering during a delivery at a Wal-Mart in October in Indiana County, Pa., according to police, a Pepsi Cola route man allegedly repeatedly punched a Coca-Cola route man in the face. (2) Reuters reported in September that a 50-year-old man who bought two large sausages at a butcher shop in Mannheim, Germany, returned shortly afterward to have them wrapped for a flight to Dubai. On inspection, the butcher found that the man had stuffed each sausage with an anatomically correct latex dildo, for smuggling into Dubai.

In September, Matt Wilkinson admitted to KGW-TV of Portland, Ore., that he had been in a coma for three days recently and nearly died after he decided to stick his pet Eastern diamondback rattlesnake into his mouth while drinking with some buddies: "Me, being me, I put his head in my mouth." A doctor told the station that Wilkinson barely made it to the hospital in time because his airway had nearly swollen shut from the venomous bites. Wilkinson said that the incident was "kind of" his "own stupid fault."

-- (1) Coast Guard officials said they rescued Louis Pasquale, 35, near Freeport, N.Y., in September as he was towing his disabled 35-foot fishing boat back to port 20 miles away by dragging it behind an inflatable boat he was paddling against the current. (He had covered about 100 yards in three hours.) (2) In August in Middlesex Township, Pa., two men from Virginia, who were on the job for a moving company, were detained by police for public intoxication in a motel parking lot, fighting over the question of whether Virginia is north or south of Pennsylvania.

-- Don't Criminals Need to Keep a Low Profile? (1) Community activist Steven Myrick, 41, was convicted in October of a rape in Torrance, Calif., that had gone unsolved for seven years. Myrick had called attention to himself during a public housing demonstration in which he mooned police officers and was arrested (and a subsequent DNA test tied him to the rape). (2) Vincent Scheffner, 63, a municipal parking-meter worker in St. Paul, Minn., was under investigation at press time on suspicion of theft after a local credit union reported that he had been regularly depositing, for the last year, enormous amounts of coins into his account.

Mandy Bailey, who lives in a suburb of Phoenix, is the mother of conjoined 1-year-old girls and wanted to take them to a family reunion in Maryland. She called Delta Air Lines to make sure the girls could ride for free on her ticket. No, said Delta, because even though a child under 2 can ride for free, each infant would need an oxygen mask in case of emergency, and thus, a separate ticket was needed. Bailey kept complaining (giving the story international reach) until a Delta higher-up compromised for the flight: Bailey's sister-in-law, who had been assigned to another row on the flight, was put next to Bailey so she could share her oxygen with the second twin.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

Junior New York City hedge fund trader Andrew Tong charged in October that his boss forced him to take female hormones to dampen his aggressiveness, which the supervisor said was leading him to make bad trades, according to a CNBC report. In his lawsuit against Mr. Ping Jiang (a big-time trader who reportedly earns $100 million a year) and employer SAC Capital (one of the biggest hedge fund names on Wall Street), Tong claimed further that he was harassed and even sexually attacked, and had started wearing dresses.

-- Israeli police announced in September that they had arrested a gang of eight young Israeli neo-Nazis from the city of Petah Tikva (near Tel Aviv), who had been attacking and harassing religious Jews (and also gays and foreigners), beating them and videotaping the attacks. A police search turned up weapons and also Nazi materials such as uniforms, portraits of Adolf Hitler and symbolic references to Hitler's Third Reich. Reportedly, the gang members hail from Russia and emigrated under Israel's policy of admitting anyone with at least one Jewish grandparent.

-- Retired assistant school principal Nelson Winbush, 78, of Kissimmee, Fla., is an African-American who has become a passionate promoter and historian of the Confederate States of America, even though it was that entity's secession from the Union that sparked the Civil War. Winbush told the St. Petersburg Times for an October profile that his grandfather had fought for the South, not to retain slavery but because he thought the South was being overtaxed. Winbush became more aggressive in the 1990s, opposing campaigns to remove Confederate flags from government buildings in the South. He has declined to be drawn into the racial implications of the Confederacy, telling the Times, "Black is nothing other than a darker shade of rebel gray."

-- A federal judge ruled in September that New York's College of Staten Island (a public school) could deny formal recognition to a men-only campus fraternity. The Chi Iota Colony sponsored various programs open to women, but not membership, and the college pulled its funding, citing gender discrimination.

-- The city of Toronto is campaigning with posters and a Web page to urge citizens to vote a 1-cent set-aside tax for municipal services, but in October received a bill from Canada's mint for about $47,000 in licensing fees. The mint cited the posters' use of a photograph of a penny and the campaign's use of the phrase "one cent" (as in the Web site address www.OneCentNow.ca), which a spokesman said are "registered trademarks of the Royal Canadian Mint."

-- The 2,600 members of the Minnesota National Guard returned recently from extended duty in Iraq, which was reportedly the longest consecutive deployment of any outfit (22 months, counting extensions). However, the Guardsmen still do not qualify for government education benefits. The law allows the benefits only for those on "active duty" at least 730 days, but the Minnesota Guard's orders (as well as some other outfits' orders), were specifically written for "729 days."

Convicted of murder in a home invasion, Mr. Andrew S. "Junebug" Warrior (the "S" stands for Sweetie) (Tucson, Ariz., June). Discouraged by school officials from attending a Catholic school because of his name, the 5-year-old Max Hell (Melbourne, Australia, July). Arrested for stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a courthouse, Ms. Suzanne Marie Butts (Marshalltown, Iowa, June). Leading a fight in the Kenai Peninsula Borough (Alaska) Assembly to defeat a term-limit rule, Assemblyman Gary Superman (Soldotna, Alaska, September). Arrested on more than 30 counts of child pornography facilitated by peering through bedroom windows, Mr. Jeffrey Ogle (Vallejo, Calif., August).

(1) William R. Cohen filed a $1 million lawsuit in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., in May against a family after their Jack Russell terrier bit his left nipple, causing him (according to the lawsuit) medical expenses, loss of income, pain, disfigurement and "loss of sexual comfort and desire." (2) In June, Ronald Barrett, 68, a longtime school administrator in Bucks County, Pa., was suspended after he punched a 15-year-old student who had touched his chest. Barrett said there had been a long-running problem of boys at the school engaging in "titty-twisting," and Barrett said, "I didn't want anyone touching my nipple."

(1) Po Shiu-fong, 58, was sentenced in July to six months in jail in Hong Kong for stabbing her boyfriend, 49, in his eyes with a chopstick because she thought he was cheating on her. (At the hearing, Po admitted that she had already blinded him in the left eye six years earlier by poking him with her finger because of alleged cheating.) (2) Allen Beckett, 53, was charged with assault in Oklahoma City because, in June, he had allegedly become enraged at a patron who had entered Henry Hudson's Pub wearing a University of Texas T-shirt. Eventually, the two men brawled, during which time Beckett grabbed the man's crotch and would not let go until he tore the scrotum, requiring more than 60 stitches.

-- Australian Les Stewart holds what the Web site Oddee.com calls the "third most bizarre" of all Guinness Book world records: having typed out the written numbers "one" through "one million," over a period of 16 years from 1983 to 1998, according to an August story in his local newspaper Sunshine Coast Daily. He said he typed for 20 minutes at the beginning of every waking hour during that time because he "wanted something to do." "It just came naturally to me."

-- In May at Boston's Howard Yezerski Gallery, photographer Karl Baden displayed contact prints of the 7,305 images he took of himself, one a day every day for more than 20 years, beginning Feb. 23, 1987. Baden admitted, though, that on Oct. 15, 1991, he was late for a class he was teaching at Rhode Island School of Design and promised to do the photo when he returned but then forgot. He says it's his only blemish, but in fact proves the humanness behind his art.

-- Recurring Theme: In August, News of the Weird wrote about 12-year-old Kyle Krichbaum's lifelong obsession with the sound and feel of vacuum cleaners and his collection of 165 machines and his five-a-day vacuuming habit. In September, two Georgia Tech researchers told a conference in Austria that many owners of the Roomba vacuuming robot seem to ascribe human qualities to it, including giving it a name and, in some cases, dressing it up. Professor Beki Grinter and her colleague said part of the Roomba obsession was because a robot qualifies as a gadget, which means that males can be expected to do more of the household vacuuming.

(1) The Washington, D.C., Department of Corrections fired three jailers in August after finding that they had locked up Virginia Grace Soto, 47, in the men's detention unit following her July arrest, despite her protests and despite a formal strip search and despite observing her in the shower. Their reasoning: A paperwork error listed Soto as a male, and they could not change that. (2) Two high-ranking D.C. school officials were charged in recent months with stealing money from the school system, including Brenda Belton (who pleaded guilty in August), who stole almost $650,000 while she was in charge of all charter schools in Washington, D.C., and Eugene Smith, who allegedly stole $46,000 just after he left the job as the schools' director of internal audit.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)