"Reeking" As a Career Field: Homeless New Jersey man Richard Kreimer said in February that he had settled, on undisclosed terms, part of his most recent lawsuit, against a transit company and two drivers, for having denied him rides because of his foul odor. Kreimer's history includes a $150,000 settlement in 1991 with the public library in Morris County, which had tried to keep him out because of the odor, and, by his count, $80,000 in additional lawsuit-related income (though some went for legal expenses). Kreimer dropped another foul-odor lawsuit in February, against a transit company and a train station in Summit.

-- (1) Health authorities in Thailand began warning teenage girls in January of the dental risks of do-it-yourself orthodontics (colorful metallic teeth braces worn for fashion to match girls' outfits, according to an Associated Press dispatch). (2) In Lunar New Year celebrations in January in China, 120 million rural peasants traveled to and from cities via jam-packed trains, despite meager restroom facilities. As a result, according to a Reuters dispatch, there was a massive holiday run on adult diapers.

-- A 300-page indictment detailing more than 1,000 allegations of election fraud was returned in February by a grand jury investigating the coal-mining town of Appalachia, Va., following reports of absentee-ballot bribery by two town officials. Prosecutors accused candidates' operatives of offering the locals such goodies as beer, moonshine and cigarettes and, in one case, a supply of pork rinds.

(1) In January, history professor David Weale of Canada's University of Prince Edward Island offered B-minus grades to any students in his overcrowded class if they would just go away, and 20 of the 95 accepted. (However, the administration found out, and Professor Weale, who had retired last year but returned to teach that one course, re-retired.) (2) Former Fairfield University student William Rom, 24, won $111,000 from the school in a February verdict because he was improperly suspended four years ago. At the time, Rom was accused of entering a women's restroom, fighting, ripping posters off walls, dumping water on students from a second floor, smashing a bathroom mirror, running naked on campus, and (underage) drinking (and subsequently vomiting in the dorm.)

-- (1) The head of the Jo Richardson comprehensive school in Dagenham, England, prohibits students from raising their hands in class, according to a January Daily Telegraph report, to keep those not called on from feeling "victimi(zed)." (2) And rules drawn up in February by the Welsh Assembly called for schools in Wales to ban all kissing, even in school plays (but an assembly spokesman said Romeo could give Juliet "a peck on the cheek").

-- In February, Bolivia's foreign minister proposed to include coca leaves as part of school breakfast programs, noting that they contain many times more calcium than does milk (and unless processed as cocaine, are not mind-altering). And in November, the Coffee Industry Association of Brazil proposed to help fund a breakfast program for a million schoolchildren as young as age 6, provided that the meal includes coffee.

Developer Ryan Pedram was finally ordered to stop work on his new three-story home in the Bronx in New York City after he had begun building it flush with a disputed property line, including constructing one cinder-block wall to encompass the trunk of an oak tree that ostensibly belongs to his neighbor. (He had figured on winning the property dispute and removing the tree; his plan, in case of loss, was not reported.) Also, in Brooklyn, a judge recently allowed industrialist Simon Taub to install Sheetrock walls in several rooms in his home as a temporary solution in a pending divorce, to allow both husband and wife to share the house (reminiscent of the 1989 movie "The War of the Roses").

-- Unusual Obsessions: (1) orchids (When collector Sian Tiong Lim, 32, was recently jailed for four months in England for orchid-smuggling, orchid expert Eric Hansen told United Press International, "There is a lunatic fringe to the orchid world, and a fine line between the average grower and the horticulturally insane.") (2) rare bird eggs (Collector Gregory Wheal, 42, also was jailed recently for four months in England after a 30-year history of stealing from hundreds of nests. His lawyer told the judge that Wheal needs professional help.)

-- When Travis Frey, 33, was charged in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in February with kidnapping his wife, she gave police a "Contract of Wifely Expectations" that he had allegedly written for her (subsequently published on TheSmokingGun.com, which called it a contract "for the ages"). In painstaking detail, the husband prescribed the micromanagement of her life, including what she would wear in public and to bed and the exact times she would be available for specified sexual relations. Instructions on hygiene and body-shaving were given. Eight explicit, non-subservient wifely reactions were banned. She could earn "Good Behavior Days" with exemplary performance but would lose them on specified misbehaviors, including complaining about the contract.

Police in Milford, Texas (just south of Dallas), arrested a man in February who had fled a traffic stop, and in the ensuing chase, saw him tear open and toss out bag after bag of a substance (but some blew back in the car). When finally stopped, said police chief Carlos Phoenix, the man was "literally covered in marijuana" from the blowback. And in January, in Anchorage, Alaska, a man who had painted his face Smurf-like blue robbed the Super 8 Motel, and police put out a description. A short time later, a caller reported a man with blue smudges behind his ears, and police soon arrested Daniel Peter Clark, 19.

In 2003, News of the Weird reported that the Pentagon's Defense Threat Reduction Agency had been Internet-monitoring a facility on Scotland's Isle of Islay whose webcam was showing images suggesting a chemical weapons lab but that, after lengthy surveillance, the agency had found it to be a whiskey distillery. In February 2006, that distillery (Bruichladdich, one of the U.K.'s most adventurous) announced it is preparing to make a 92 percent-alcohol whiskey whose recommended dose is two spoonfuls. Said the managing director, "To be honest, I'm just hoping the distillery doesn't explode."

The Continuing Jesus and Mary World Tour: "Sightings" have been made in just the last three months in North Vernon, Ind. (Jesus on a wooden door), Jacksonville, Fla. (Jesus on a nacho-warming tray), Cozimel, Mexico (Jesus on a flower pot), Laredo, Texas (Jesus on a truck's tailgate), Mexico, Maine (Mary on the charred wood of a burned-out home), Beachwood, Ohio (Jesus on a pancake), Manchester, Conn. (Jesus on a piece of sheet metal), Dallas (Mary on the bark of a tree), and airborne from New York City to Florida (Mary on a potato chip served by Jet Blue).

Police in a Columbus, Ohio, suburb arrested Alan Patton, 54, outside a movie theater restroom in February and later listened to him describe in detail his unusual behavior. According to police, Patton is obsessed with collecting and consuming the urine of young boys, which he said he has done for over 40 years. "I like it because it makes me closer to them like I'm drinking their youth." His modus operandi is to shut off a urinal's flush water, wait for a boy to finish, and then gather up the urine. "Listening to him describe it," said one detective, "it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine."

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

The Perfectly Equal Society: (1) In January, Canada's human rights commission was authorized by the Supreme Court to resume consideration of a union's claim that Air Canada's flight attendants (who are mostly women) are just as valuable, and therefore should be paid the same, as its pilots and mechanics (mostly men). (2) Also in January, Doug Anglin, 17, filed a formal complaint with the U.S. Department of Education against Milton (Mass.) High School, which he said discriminates against boys by giving better grades to students who "sit down, follow orders, and listen to what (teachers and administrators) say." "Men," Anglin told a Boston Globe reporter, "naturally rebel against this."

-- The Guo-Li-Zhuang opened recently in Beijing, exclusively serving delicacies made with animal penises and testicles, exploiting the traditional Chinese belief that such foods enhance virility. (Women can prosper, as well, because penis is good for the skin, according to a nutritionist cited in a February London Daily Telegraph dispatch.) Showcase dishes include "Dragon in the flame of desire" (which is yak) and the "hotpot" (six types of penis plus four of testicle). The most expensive is Canadian seal penis, at the equivalent of about $400.

-- Several cafes in Hong Kong now lend their dining guests dogs and cats to pet during their visits. This temporary affection, according to a January Der Spiegel dispatch, is popular because Hong Kong residents find it so inconvenient to own pets in such a densely populated city. Also in January, the owner of the Augsburg, Germany, restaurant La Boheme confirmed that while customers are welcome to bring their own dogs with them when they dine, "small children" are not allowed in the evenings. "After a hard day's work, (diners) want some peace," he told Agence France-Presse.

-- Seventh-grader Jasmine Roberts became a celebrity of sorts in February when her hometown Tampa Tribune published results of her winning science-fair entry, which concluded that the drinking-water ice of several local fast food restaurants contains more bacteria (including some E. coli) than the same restaurants' toilet water. She used a laboratory at the University of South Florida's Moffitt Cancer Center, where she is a volunteer assistant for a professor.

-- Still More Weird Animal Mating Rituals: (1) According to scientists who made rare observations of wombats having sex, published in December, there was chasing, biting, grunting, and stops and starts, along with the female's bewildering "figure-eight dance," which she employed as a pre-requisite for being mounted. (2) A male beluga whale signals his urge by, basically, crashing into a female to draw her attention to his aroused state, according to a February Chicago Sun-Times report from the city's Shedd Aquarium. If the female is also ready, she turns her body to expose herself, after which mating is accomplished in a matter of seconds, followed by the male's abrupt and permanent departure from her life.

-- In Nagano, Japan, in February, five disgruntled Buddhist monks (along with four clerical workers) at the Zenkoji temple formed a labor union that was certified by the National Confederation of Trade Unions, to combat what they say was harassment by the head monk regarding working conditions.

-- The latest product for routine U.S. outsourcing is sperm, according to a November report by Wired.com. In a program established by the highly regarded Dr. Sanford Rosenberg of Richmond, Va., a potential father's sperm is shipped to a lab in Bucharest, Romania, to fertilize eggs of local women, with the resultant embryos frozen and returned to the United States for implanting in the mother, at about half the domestic price for the procedure.

Totally Hapless: (1) Matthew John Wyman, told to recite the alphabet at a roadside DUI stop in West Roxbury, Mass., in November, asked the officer if he could please substitute a math problem instead (Answer: No). (2) Frank Traina's attempted armed robbery of a Chinese restaurant in Levittown, N.Y., in December went awry when the owner realized that Traina's realistic-looking gun was leaking water from the barrel. (3) In December, Auckland, New Zealand, police arrested the man who had robbed a bank but then, disappointed at the size of the loot, had telephoned the bank manager and ordered him to stand out front with more money, which he would grab on a drive-by. (The robber never showed up, but police traced the phone call.)

(1) Latest lame reason for not paying taxes: James Clifford Hanna, of Canada's Yukon Territory, argued in court in February that "James Clifford Hanna" was merely a name involuntarily given to him and that since he never officially accepted it, he can't be forced to pay James Clifford Hanna's taxes. (He lost.) (2) In December, Terry Dresdow of Milwaukee became the latest person to have his car stolen and retrofitted by the thief with fancy equipment, and then to get his car back after the thief was caught. His 1989 Chevrolet Caprice, which cost him $1,200 used, now has a top-of-the-line stereo system, deluxe spoked wheels and keyless entry.

(1) While camping in California's Mojave Desert, artist Trevor Corneliusien, 26, chained his own ankles together in order to draw an image of his legs, but when he finished, he realized he did not have the key to unlock the chain. He told sheriff's deputies that he hopped around the desert for 12 hours before arriving at a gas station, where he called for help (January). (2) Convicted methamphetamine user Daniel Zeiszler, 22, burned his hand and arm last year in a South San Francisco hotel room attempting to extract meth from his own urine in a crude recycling attempt. At his sentencing in December (at which he got five months in jail), his lawyer acknowledged that it would take "gallons" of urine to extract a usable amount of meth, rather than the one bladderful Zeiszler was working with.

-- It's All About Meeee! (1) Prominent interior designer June Matheson, 72, pleaded guilty in January to poisoning several majestic trees bordering Stanley Park in Vancouver, British Columbia, just so they would no longer obstruct her view of the Pacific Ocean (and to enhance the value of her home, which she was preparing to sell). (2) In Media, Pa., Colleen Lacombe, 34, was sentenced in December to two years' house arrest for embezzling $325,000 from the First Church of Lansdowne, whose charity and repair-fund money she used to buy a second home and to get breast implants. (With the help of relatives, she made full restitution to the church.)

-- Professors at England's University of Bath, studying adolescents' reactions to brand names, revealed in December an astonishing level of hatred and violence toward Barbie dolls. Many instances were reported of torture and mutilation of Barbie, including scalping, decapitation, burning and even microwaving.

An 81-year-old school crossing guard was accidentally struck and killed by a 70-year-old crossing guard who was driving to his own post (Park Ridge, N.J., October). And a 62-year-old woman was found dead, having apparently suffocated under a pile of debris that fell on top of her in her home (Shelton, Wash., January). (Clothes and trash were piled almost to the ceiling in every room in her house, and rescuers searched the home for 10 hours before locating her body.)

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

A February report on mine safety regulation by USA Today found that complicated federal statutes and unvigorous Mine Safety and Health Administration enforcement have resulted in a structure of civil fines almost guaranteed not to deter dangerous conditions. The largest-ever MSHA fine (for a 2001 incident with 13 deaths) was $605,400 (as compared to, for example, the FCC's 2004 fine of CBS for the brief image of Janet Jackson's breast at the Super Bowl, which was $3.5 million). One attorney who represents coal companies claimed that fines are largely irrelevant to safety: "I really don't think any responsible mine operator makes any decision about safety based on civil penalties." [USA Today, 2-10-06]

-- American Pride: In January, spokesman Nick Inskip of the trade association of Australia's legalized brothels and strip clubs praised the American sailors who that week began several days' shore leave in Brisbane. "(T)he fellows are fantastic customers," he said. "They are so well-mannered. ... They're very aware that they're representing their country, and that's why they behave so well."

-- More Things to Blame on Bush: (1) Two gunmen robbed a 57-year-old woman in her Westerville, Ohio, home in February, but, according to a police report, argued among themselves about how to do the job, until one of the men, perhaps feeling sorry for himself, said, "This is all George W. Bush's fault. He screwed up the economy." All the two men needed, he said, was "gas money for the car." (2) A 29-year-old man was convicted in February after he jumped over a fence at the White House to meet up with Chelsea Clinton. According to an officer, the man seemed unfazed at being told that the Clintons no longer lived there but did say that "George Bush told me to jump the fence, and I jumped the fence."

-- After the secretary for the Miracle of Prayer Church in Grove Hill, Ala., was arrested in January on an outstanding warrant, the church's Prophet Ron Williams called congregation members (most of whom are African-American) to the Clarke County jail to protest, vowing that he wasn't going "no damn where" until she was released. As the crowd grew, and deputies warned Williams about inciting a riot, Williams became more defiant, screaming at deputies and pointing to his cell phone, yelling, "I got Johnnie Cochran on the phone right now!" (even though Cochran had passed away 10 months earlier).

-- After two boys at PS 14 in New York City taunted a 5-year-old classmate in January three times by grabbing his privates, school officials held a hearing and referred the boys for guidance counseling. Unsatisfied, the younger boy's parents in February filed a lawsuit against the already-budget-challenged New York City school system for $6 million.

-- Massachusetts inmate Joseph Schmitt, 41, filed a lawsuit for $70,000 against the Department of Corrections in December for restricting his ability to continue his writing career from lockup. Schmitt, now in civil detainment (as exceptionally dangerous) following completion of his sentence for child rape, previously earned up to $20,000 a year writing pornography (including at least one piece on child sex) and sees no reason why he can't return to that line of work.

Jacqueline Dotson was seriously injured in an accident near Winchester, Ky., in February that police say happened when she lost control of her SUV and ran several other cars off the road before overcorrecting, which caused the SUV to roll over a guardrail and land upside down. A rescue crew labored an hour and a half with the "jaws of life" to extricate her from the vehicle, but one of her arms was already free, severed in the accident and lying on the road, still grasping a cell phone.

In December, more than a month before "buckshot" would be all over the news (from a misadventure at a Texas ranch), the New England Journal of Medicine reported the odd case of a 73-year-old Inuit woman hospitalized in Nome, Alaska, whose abdominal X-ray revealed an enlarged and photographically opaque appendix, which doctors concluded was an appendix filled with buckshot. The Inuits, doctors said, eat so many ducks and geese downed by buckshot that inevitably some buckshot remains in the cooked meat and is eaten and digested, with some migrating to the appendix, where it is trapped. The appendix was enlarged and opaque on the X-ray simply because it was overstuffed with buckshot.

-- (1) In Japan's Wakayama prefecture in December, Miichiro Yamashita, 70, received a suspended sentence for bringing 25 sticks of dynamite to a hospital and threatening to blow the place up unless his doctor changed his mind and gave him the treatment he wanted for his stomachache. (2) Two women are at large in the Kenner, La., area after one slashed a Rally's restaurant manager in February with a razor blade because her requested substitution (mayonnaise for tartar sauce on her fish sandwich) was not honored. (3) In February, Kimberly Dasilva, 40, was charged in Boston with putting explosives into condoms and mailing them to people she believes are associated with her longstanding mistreatment by men, including two strip clubs where she used to work.

-- Stewart Jenkins, 33, was arrested in Des Moines, Iowa, in November for allegedly pulling a gun on a man he apparently thought was disrespecting him. According to the police report, Jenkins and Patrick Hickey passed each other in an alley, and Jenkins asked, "What's up?" Hickey responded: "What's up?" Jenkins asked again: "What's up?" Hickey (again): "What's up?" Jenkins: "I'll show you what's up!" He ran into a nearby house and emerged angrily with a .38-caliber handgun. (Unfortunately for him, Patrick Hickey is a plainclothes police officer. He arrested Jenkins and recovered about 15 grams of suspected crack cocaine from the house.)

Not Cut Out for a Life of Crime: (1) University of Colorado freshman Jonathan Baldino, caught by security personnel in November after he printed out a fake bar code, stuck it on a $149.99 iPod, and bought it for $4.99 at a Target store, immediately wrote a frenzied confession: "I will NEVER EVER DO THIS EVER AGAIN, and I am once more terribly sorry. I'm only a kid! Help me out! ... Please! Please! Please!" (It didn't help.) (2) After Seattle police chased a carjacking suspect into a tree in February, bystanders gathered around and laughed, but the suspect, still defiant, yelled at them, "It's not funny!" (However, according to a KIRO-TV reporter, some in the crowd yelled back, "Yes it is!")

(1) "Australian Whale Vomit Find Worth a Fortune" (an Agence France-Presse dispatch from Sydney on a vacationing family's discovery of a solid fatty substance somehow actually used in the fragrance industry and which was expected to bring the equivalent of about US$215,000) (January). (2) "Why I Still Breastfeed My Eight-Year-Old Girl" (a News & Star of Carlisle, England, report on mothers who insist on breastfeeding as long as the child desires it) (February).

A 23-year-old man fell to his death off a balcony during a spitting contest with his brother and a friend (Mount Prospect, Ill., November). A 21-year-old man was shot to death inside a stranger's home at 1:45 a.m., perhaps after having missed the bumper sticker on the homeowner's truck, reading, "Gun control means using both hands." (Rochester, N.H., September). A 37-year-old man escaped a fire in his home but died of smoke inhalation after he decided to go back inside to look for his cell phone to call 911 (Greenville, S.C., December).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)