-- High school baseball pitcher Daniel Hannant, after being hit in the head by a line drive, filed a lawsuit in Chicago in April against the makers of Louisville Sluggers, claiming that the company's aluminum bats are "unreasonably dangerous" to pitchers because they are designed to hit baseballs very, very hard.

-- Kinder, Gentler Revolutionaries: In May, leaders of a Colombian right-wing paramilitary, the AUC, publicized an e-mail address for reporting complaints about their forces' mistreating of civilians; senior leader Carlos Castano admitted that he has killed many people himself, but that he is concerned about his organization's "excesses." And in Nepal in April, American Raymond Coughron told reporters that his mountain-climbing party had been robbed by revolutionaries devoted to the philosophies of Mao Tse-tung; the rebels first negotiated with the victims about what property they would take (finally settling on money only) and then wrote out a crude receipt for the amount taken.

Four women bared their chests in downtown Eugene, Ore., in December, protesting society's use of child-unfriendly pesticides (and in favor of legalized hemp). And "hundreds" of women bared their chests in Lusaka, Zambia, in January, protesting the allegedly fraudulent election victory of president Levy Mwanawasa. And in a protest in Helsinki, Finland, in April, "hundreds" of women publicly vowed to refrain from bearing children for four years unless parliament stops authorizing nuclear power plants.

-- Inmate Charles H. Hankerd, 39, was arrested on contraband charges in Valparaiso, Ind., in April after authorities discovered he was selling cigarettes (a prohibited item) at $2 each to cellmates. To produce his inventory, Hankerd allegedly had swallowed several plastic bags of tobacco just before turning himself in at the jail and, once inside, patiently waited for nature to take its course.

-- Patience Owens, 17, whose 2-year-old son had just accidentally drowned in a filthy backyard swimming pool, was arrested in the February incident despite two separate warnings by the Tampa, Fla., 911 operator that Owens should not jump into the pool after the kid because it was too dangerous for her. And in Montreal, Quebec, Keri Wilson, 17, who seconds before had saved the life of an elderly man on subway tracks by jumping down to pull him up, was publicly chastised by transit police, who recited company policy to first notify authorities to cut power to the tracks (but which in this case probably would not have stopped the next train in time to save the man's life).

-- In two April speeches in Iowa, New York environmentalist Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said major hog producers are a greater threat to the United States and its democracy than are Osama bin Laden and his terrorist network. Current law allows all hog waste to be applied to cropland, which Kennedy said is OK for small farmers, but for a farm of 100,000 hogs (each of which produces the waste of 10 humans), the resulting air and water pollution is disastrous.

-- Voters in laid-back Sausalito (Marin County), Calif., turned down construction of a $7.8 million police station in March, in part on the advice of a consultant on the ancient Chinese art feng shui who said the proposed building was not harmoniously designed in that it would block the positive flow of energy to other places in town. Said the consultant, Ms. Sidney Nancy Bennett, the building would "cut off the mouth of chi" and compromise "the arrows of sha." (In April, 400 villagers in Vinh Phuc province, Vietnam, held three farmers captive for several days, having blamed them for putting a curse on the village that disturbed its "geomantic flow," according to an Associated Press dispatch, which resulted in several traffic accidents.)

-- Reminiscent of Classic Scenes from "I Love Lucy": Graham Wright, 51, who was sentenced to eight years in jail in January for several bank robberies in Southport, England, told the court that his girlfriend never knew he was a wanted man because, when he sensed a crime report with his picture about to come on television, he started dancing in front of the TV set to distract her. And in May in Uniondale, N.Y., a gold Mercedes-Benz sports sedan was delivered by mistake to Ruth Shepard's driveway, causing her to believe it was a surprise Mother's Day present; a short time later, she was arrested for resisting police officers' attempts to get the car back for its rightful owner.

In May, Trenton Veches, 31, resigned from his job with the Newport Beach, Calif., after-school recreation program when he was arrested on multiple counts of sucking the toes of boys age 6 to 10. Police said as many as 45 kids may have been involved, with several appearing on videotapes recovered from Veches' home. There was no evidence of anything beyond toe-sucking, but any touching of a child for sexual gratification is a crime in California.

Police in Slidell, La., were looking for Henderson Stephen Palmer, 23, and Brian Parker, 24, suspected of a drive-by shooting in March that badly missed the target house, with half of the bullets hitting only the interior of their car and one shattering the kneecap of Palmer's sister, who was in the back seat. Police said the suspects fired as Parker sped down the street (perhaps not realizing that when professionals do a "drive-by," they actually stop the car in front of the target so they can aim better).

Still more information on beneficiaries came out on the federal farm subsidy program mentioned in News of the Weird four months ago (and which Congress voted to expand substantially in April). It has already been widely reported that generous subsidies go to non-needy "family farmers" such as Enron's Kenneth Lay, newsman Sam Donaldson, basketball's Scottie Pippin, and the nonstruggling Ted Turner and David Rockefeller. In March, the Associated Press reported that major league baseball player Kevin Appier has received several thousand dollars in subsidies for his farm in Kansas, which he bought because as a kid, he always dreamed of playing baseball and being a farmer. "I have no idea why I wanted to have a farm," he said. "I wasn't raised on a farm or anything. I just always thought it would be neat."

According to a Los Angeles Times story, a handful of school districts in six states have banned dodgeball, intending to save kids from the violence and hurt feelings that result from humans throwing objects at other humans (March). People who watch TV and relate to the characters tend to believe they have more friends and a more lively social life than they really do, according to a study by a professor at Indiana University of Pennsylvania (May). A 20-year-old suspected holdup man, fleeing police in Baton Rouge, La., while holding his 18-month-old son, tossed the kid at a police dog in an effort to buy a few more seconds in his escape (May).

Eight British tourists were sentenced to three years in jail after being caught practicing their hobby of "plane-spotting" (similar to bird-watching) in Greece because authorities would not budge from their belief that anyone writing down airplane numbers must be a spy (Kalamata, Greece). Police sought a man who was making offers to women to clean out their septic tanks in exchange for sex or guns (Camden, Ark.). The director of the New Brunswick (Canada) Symphony was refused airline boarding until he baggage-checked his $120 (U.S.) conductor's baton (a blunt-ended, flexible wooden instrument with a cork handle) (St. John, New Brunswick). A 46-year-old man, under orders to clean the junk off his property, instead created a giant sculpture of a bare human torso, bent over, with the back end aimed at the street, but was then arrested for disorderly conduct (Altamonte Springs, Fla.).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)

(NOTE: In a November 1999 column, I noted that Jerry Wayne Walker had been charged with murder in Murray, Ky. Mr. Walker's trial in July 2001 resulted in a hung jury, and I recently learned that in October 2001, the prosecutor dismissed the charges. -- Chuck Shepherd)

-- Because of what they called a "history of unacceptable professional conduct," administrators at Lawrence Technological University (Southfield, Mich.) have ordered tenured engineering professor Sayed A. Nassar to remain inside his faculty office from 8 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. weekdays (so that they can "monitor" him), except when he goes to class or has specific permission to leave, and not to go off campus during that time unless actually accompanied by the dean or his representative. According to faculty members interviewed for a May Chronicle of Higher Education story, the charges against Nassar boil down to the fact that he argues with the administration a lot.

-- The head of a Dutch hospital's department of psychiatry and neurosexology told reporters in April that he has found a "post-orgasmic illness syndrome" after having had five patients who suffered flu-like symptoms (sweating, extreme fatigue, eye-irritation) for several days after sex. Dr. Marcel Waldinger of Leyenburg Hospital in The Hague guessed that the cause might have been an allergic reaction to the hormones released with orgasm and said his write-up would appear in an upcoming issue of the U.S. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Hassan Latief, 42, Hillsborough, N.J. (penis cut off by wife, Nelly, over alleged infidelity, January); Edward L. Praskovich, 31, Ambridge, Pa. (used a box cutter on his own penis in an unsuccessful suicide attempt, February); Raphael R. Scott, 20, St. Petersburg, Fla. (a robbery suspect who had his penis partially severed by a pursuing police dog, April); John Ndekeezi, Kampala, Uganda (genitals bitten off by wife, over alleged infidelity, March); Jose de Lima, 25, Brazil (cut off by wife, over alleged infidelity, January).

-- The London yoga center Triyoga came under strenuous neighborhood protest in March over the increasing noise level at its relaxation institute, according to a Reuters report; mellow music played at high volume, clients' chanting, and group-breathing exercises (guttural sounds) were named as the major nuisances. And three surfer dudes were arrested in a federal park in San Francisco in March after allegedly attempting to kill another surfer who might have intruded onto "their" wave. And a 54-year-old windsurfer dude was arrested at Kahana Beach Park in Hawaii in December after he allegedly sailed directly into a kite surfer who had stolen his wave.

-- Two 16-year-old girls who won prizes at a Paterson, N.J., teen fair for their essays touting abstinence over condom use in sex education were revealed in May to be pregnant. One's essay described having sex even with a condom as "like playing Russian roulette with your life."

-- In January, environmental officials in Denver, denied Bromwell Elementary School a permit to burn its homemade prairie grass garden, which was planned as a demonstration of the cycle of nature, citing the air pollution the fire would cause. The officials suggested, instead, that the 300 students take a field trip to the prairie-grass exhibit at the Denver Botanical Garden. However, according to Colorado Air Pollution Control Division estimates, one fume-spewing school bus on a field trip produces more pollution by itself than would the entire controlled burn.

-- An arbitrator ruled in March that Pensacola, Fla., middle school teacher Robert K. Sites III, 37, was wrongly fired for showing up at work in a cocaine-distracted state (later measured at 50 times the level regarded as a "positive" test). The school has a "zero tolerance" policy on drugs, but it applies only to students. The arbitrator ruled that Sites is entitled to back pay and benefits and must be given drug counseling and a chance to get clean.

-- At a training seminar in January sponsored by the Minnesota Department of Health (which is the agency responsible for enforcing food-handling rules), at least 15 of the 150 participants came down with food poisoning, most likely from the catered box lunches or in-class treats.

Pharmacist Corey Penner, 29, pleaded guilty in March in Newton, Kan., to 16 counts of misdemeanor battery for his compulsion to trick strangers on the street into letting him draw their blood. Penner's lawyer told the court that Penner had no explanation for his behavior but that he had engaged in it for 11 years, telling people falsely that he was doing research and in some cases giving people up to $20 to let him take the blood.

In preparation for the founding meeting of a new political group (the Anambra Peoples' Forum) in Lagos, Nigeria, in March, officials concerned about being rained out hired a professional rain doctor, Mr. Chief Nothing Pass God, for about $47 (and a bottle of gin) to keep the skies clear. Before the doctor was finished with his incantations, a rare March downpour completely washed out the event. Said the Chief, "I have not failed. What caused the disappointment was that (this job) came unexpected(ly)" and that he had not had sufficient time to prepare.

In 1991, News of the Weird reported on the mysterious low-level vibration that some residents of Taos, N.M., were hearing, and being severely disturbed by. The "Taos Hum" was never fully explained, and its legend has grown among conspiracy theorists, although some people actually suffered otherwise-unexplained illnesses in the presence of the hum. In February 2002, Kokomo, Ind., mayor James Trobaugh asked the city council for $100,000 to study a similar hum that has supposedly caused medical problems for at least 40 Kokomo residents in the last three years. Symptoms in both cases include not only severe headaches and lack of sleep but dizziness, chronic fatigue, joint and muscle pain, nosebleeds and diarrhea.

In a 12-month pilot project, criminals were spared jail terms if they agreed to a program of Transcendental Meditation as practiced by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (Geraldton, Western Australia, February). September 11 notwithstanding, Canada Customs reaffirmed its longstanding policy of instructing officers not to stop armed-and-dangerous criminals attempting to enter the country, but rather to notify the police after they are already in (March). Amnesty International USA reported that at least 150 people accused of torture in their homelands have been granted residence in the U.S., including a Haitian colonel convicted of homicide, who, while living in Florida in 1997, won $3.2 million in the state lottery (April).

Linda Lay (wife of Enron's former chairman Kenneth), who virtually pleaded poverty in January despite owning property worth at least $15 million, prepared to open (in May) the Jus' Stuff antique shop, which would be stocked with her cast-offs (Houston). A snake-charmer, called to a home to dispatch two cobras, found 3,500 more underneath it, plus hundreds of eggs (Dhaka, Bangladesh). A frail, but gun-toting 70-year-old man (described by witnesses as looking "much older") failed in his attempt to rob the Foothills Bank, after he got confused once inside the door (Wheatridge, Colo.). A snowplow was called to clean up Interstate 80 after a collision caused a Hormel truck to break open and coat the highway with chili and beans (Green River, Wyo.).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)

-- According to an April New York Times analysis, Verizon Communications executives, faced with a $1.4 billion loss last year (a situation which would have denied them performance bonuses), created a $389 million profit merely by deciding to value the company's pension fund "income" at $1.8 billion even though the pension fund was actually "swimming in red ink." Securities regulations apparently permit such quixotic valuations provided that they are explained to shareholders (which the executives did in a footnote in the firm's annual report). Thus, though having underperformed on the actual delivery of communications services (according to investors), Verizon executives nevertheless got their performance bonuses.

Widower Jeffrey Post filed a lawsuit against Lynn University (Boca Raton, Fla.), whose mortuary science program allegedly used bodies from a local funeral home for embalming practice without permission of the deceaseds' families (March). And Lake Elsinore, Calif., funeral home owner Michael Francis Brown, 42, was arrested and charged with illegally selling cadaver parts to several major university research institutes (February). And following an internal audit, Greenlane Hospital, New Zealand's premier heart facility, revealed that in the last 50 years, it had taken, for research and without permission of the families, the hearts from at least 1,350 babies who had died on the premises (but offered to return all those hearts it still had on hand) (February).

-- Once again, in March, the annual South Korean justice ministry test (required of those vying for appointment as judges) was administered in Seoul in a three-hour session during which, to prevent cheating, restroom breaks were not permitted. As in previous years, for those who absolutely must answer nature's call, the justice ministry provided plastic bags for men and skirt-like covers with plastic pots for women, for use in the back of the exam room.

-- In April, the U.S. Patent Office awarded patent number 6,368,227 to Steven Olson, age 7, of St. Paul, Minn., whose father had filed to help him protect a method of swinging on a swing. The Olsons' discovery: While seated, if you pull alternately on one side's chain/rope and then on the other side's, while gradually introducing a forward-backward thrust, you can swing in an oval-shaped arc, as long as the side-to-side motion is greater than the forward-backward motion. According to the Patent Office, licenses to use the patented method are available from the inventor.

-- Among those whose public displays recently either garnered Guinness Book of Records recognition or are being considered: Wang Chuntai, 49, who pulled a sedan 47 feet with cables attached only to his eyelids (Yaan, Sichuan, China); Monte Pierce, who propelled a coin more than 10 feet by using his elastic-like earlobe as a rubber band; and B.D. Tyagi, who was certified to have the longest ear hair in the world (4 inches) (Bhopal, India).

-- Police in Plymouth, Conn., arrested lawyer Christopher W. Boylan in March and charged him with defrauding a client who had paid him $2,500 to get his money back on the purchase of a defective car. According to police, Boylan's crime was that he told the client falsely that he had won the case (and drew up a bogus judicial order certifying that) and that the client should expect a settlement of $733,000 soon. So far, no explanation has emerged of how Boylan thought he would get away with the crime (in view of the fact that the order was so transparently fraudulent and that the client would eventually start to hang around Boylan's office and hound him about the money).

-- In Ottawa, Ontario, Christopher Laurin, 15, was suspended from school for two days in March and ordered to drug counseling when a police dog perked up while sniffing Laurin's locker, even though no traces of drugs of any kind were found in any of Laurin's belongings. The police claim that its dogs can detect lingering smells on clothing, but Laurin's parents were incredulous that their son could be disciplined for having something that didn't exist (and merely on the "say-so" of a dog).

Derrick A. Cobb, 25, was charged with tricking teen-age girls into removing their shoes and socks so he could run off with them (Upper Marlboro, Md., March); David William Christensen, 40, was charged with harassing three women by leaving them Keds shoes with sexually explicit messages on them (Denver, April); Donald J. Ruther, 33, was charged with stealing girls' shoes because, he said, sniffing them relaxed him (Medina, Ohio, February).

News of the Weird reported in 1999 on an annual Hindu festival in Singapore in which worshipers of Lord Murugan reaffirmed their faith by sticking skewers through their skin, with the amount of pain endured taken as the gauge of devotion. Apparently, similar celebrations continue in other countries (though India has banned them as too barbaric). In January 2002, Murugan worshipers in Malaysia celebrated at the annual Thaipusam festival at the Batu Caves, eight miles outside Kuala Lumpur, by hooking and kebobbing their skin to the accompaniment of hypnotic, deafening music that helped create pain-softening trances.

Juanita Konold-McIntosh, 55, testifying on behalf of her "husband" of 15 years, Eduardo G. McIntosh, who was on trial for fraud in Boston in January, said she is still devoted to him and hopes they can turn their lives around together. Konold-McIntosh had just heard the government introduce solid envidence that McIntosh (to her surprise) is not an Air Force general; that he is not legally married to her (because of a still-valid earlier marriage); that the reason he had spent only one night a week with her during their marriage was not because he was on secret intelligence missions; that the reasons for thousands of dollars in and out of her bank account during their "marriage" was to serve his real family and various scams; and that the reason she had not heard from him during a four-month period in 1994 was because he was in prison.

A state legislative committee in Victoria, Australia, recommended that habitually glue-sniffing children as young as 7 be placed in special homes where they could be tutored on less-lethal sniffing practices (January). The British high-end apparel shop Argos started selling padded bras and g-string underwear for girls as young as 9 in its "Babies and Kids" section (April). An Associated Press investigation found that more than 100 physicians are currently working at federal facilities (such as Veterans Administration hospitals) despite having been convicted of crimes or disciplined by state medical boards, including one woman who was convicted in Switzerland of aiding a terrorist organization (April).

The British firm Drinks Merchants said the government had finally issued it a permit to import a Czech Republic vodka that contains cannabis seeds (Nottingham). A judge ordered a man to tear down his brand-new $300,000 (U.S.) home because it was 14 feet too close to a park boundary, a fact the owner's lawyer failed to notice (Ottawa, Ontario). A psychiatrist was acquitted of sex abuse when a jury apparently believed him when he said that his multiple-personality accuser must have planted his DNA by breaking into his house and stealing his dirty underwear (DeLand, Fla.). In an online auction, two fans bid $525 and $600 to acquire a piece of bubble gum once briefly chewed by Arizona Diamondbacks baseball star Luis Gonzalez.

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)