DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a proper way to ask someone to repeat themselves? I wear hearing aids, but there are still times when I need a second chance to understand the spoken word!
As a child, I learned not to say, “What?” So among family and friends, I find myself saying, “What’s that?” (which is hardly any better). With acquaintances, I sometimes say, “I’m sorry; I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat it?” -- a rather cumbersome trio of phrases.
Some people say, “Excuse me?” but that has taken on such a haughty sound -- as it is often used nowadays to express offense taken -- that I am uncomfortable using it. “Pardon?” seems odd, because I am not asking for pardon.
GENTLE READER: When grocery stores started telling their clerks to ask customers how they were doing, Miss Manners was deluged by Gentle Readers perplexed by what they saw as a choice between discomfort (“What business is it of his?”) and dishonesty (“But I was having a lousy day”). She had to reassure them that, like blessing someone who sneezes, not every politeness should be taken literally.
The same can be said of apologies, something she routinely recommends as a way to disarm a wide range of behaviors that might otherwise be taken as rudeness (“Excuse me, you are stepping on my foot”). When said nicely, “What?” is not as rude as you think, but you could say, “I’m sorry, could you say that again?” But only if it won’t make you late for your next errand.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)