DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a walk with friends, along with other people I didn’t know, a person in the group described someone as being “deaf and dumb.” I think that description is derogatory to those not able to hear and/or speak. Not knowing the person who had spoken, I wasn’t sure if I should speak up, and I admit I remained quiet. Would I have been rude to correct a stranger?
Interestingly, I was watching an old crime show rerun, and the criminal evading arrest was described as “deaf and dumb.” Apparently even on television, the term was acceptable.
It is doubtful I will see this woman again. Did I miss an opportunity to educate someone? The description of a person with such a condition was, in my opinion, inappropriate, disrespectful and derogatory. Hopefully, if the person had been in her presence, he or she wouldn’t have known what was being said.
GENTLE READER: That, too, is something you should not assume.
Many terms once in common usage are now rightly considered disrespectful, and this is one of them. But not all outdated terms are equally offensive -- an important point in measuring your response.
As historically disenfranchised groups find their voices, it is common for the accepted term put forward by a group to evolve. Your reaction must take into account who first coined the term, how recently it has been abandoned, how widely the newer term is known and what was the genuine (as distinct from stated) intent of the speaker.
If this sounds complicated, that is because it is. Correcting another person is rude, and Miss Manners approves, rather than condemns, your failure to do so.
The impulse to educate is commendable. She merely recommends that, as you admit not knowing the history of this particular term, you start with yourself.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)