DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not very close to my cousin, so I wasn’t surprised when I was not invited to any of her wedding festivities several years ago. It was an intimate destination wedding and announcements were not sent out. I mailed the couple a card with a note of congratulations and called my cousin, duties complete.
My aunt recently called out of the blue to tell me that she has held resentment toward me for neglecting to send the couple a wedding gift. She said that because I knew about the wedding, it was rude and penny-pinching of me not to send something with my card.
There have been countless weddings over the years that I have known about but did not receive an announcement/invitation for. Is it appropriate to only send a card? Or have I been stingy, and owe all of these people a note of apology?
GENTLE READER: Social media has made it possible to tally the many events to which one is not included, but you need not endure double insult by providing payment for the privilege of being snubbed. Miss Manners assures you that you owed this cousin nothing beyond your very best wishes, which you sent.