DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to go out on a date, just for a bite to eat and a movie. I was polite and brought flowers. Then the person who took me out said that I was to pay for everything.
Is that a rude revelation? I get stuck with the bill for dinner, a movie and drinks, when the one who asked me out demands that I pay? Is that totally right?
If I ask the person out for coffee or lunch/dinner, I often say that I will pick up the tab the first time, then let the other person pick it up the second time.
I get flattered when asked out, but then shocked and embarrassed when they act like I’m Mr. Moneybags. What are your thoughts and suggestions?
GENTLE READER: It is never polite to invite someone to pay for your dinner and evening’s entertainment --particularly by ambushing someone into doing so.
Your friend might think that she is adhering to outdated gender roles -- or was confused in that regard by the flowers you brought.
But Miss Manners assures you that paying is the responsibility of the person who issues the invitation. If the relationship moves forward and the requests become more mutual, alternating the generosity, as you propose, is acceptable.