DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was married, many guests traveled from out of state to attend. As she and my son-in-law had been working for several years, they did not create a registry, and instead stated, “Your presence is our present.”
Our families are very traditional, and the wedding was small. Most guests brought cards with well wishes. I was shocked and a bit hurt that no one in my immediate family bothered to give them a card, much less any kind of gift. None of our siblings or parents is struggling financially. In fact, everyone is very successful.
I’ve never neglected to recognize a family member’s life event. It has been several months since the wedding took place, and no late cards have arrived. I know I should not hang on to this hurt, but I just can’t believe how much this has disappointed me.
Our daughter did not expect monetary gifts. But she feels sad that when she looks through her wedding mementos, no one in my family took a minute to even sign their names to a card.
GENTLE READER: Your daughter explicitly stated that the guests’ presence constituted presents -- which is unnecessary, as both are obviously voluntary -- and that is what she got. Unless you are referring to people who ignored both the invitation and the event, why are you and your daughter brooding?
Miss Manners cannot imagine where the idea came from that those who attend must also bring or send cards. You would both be happier concentrating on memories rather than counting mementos.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)