DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have several nieces and nephews. When one of my nieces was the first to get married several years ago, we gave the couple a modest monetary gift. When the next got married, we could afford to give that couple a substantially larger monetary gift.
Another niece is about to be married, and I would like to give the couple the larger amount, but I would also like to “make up the difference” for the first couple so that we are giving equitably to everyone.
What is the correct way to augment the original gift? We will all be at the next wedding (assuming it is safe to do so). Could we give the first couple a card with the additional amount? I am at a loss as to what sentiment would be appropriate to write.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps the balance due to the first couple could be offset by accounting for the inflation that has devalued the subsequent, higher amounts relative to the first.
No, Miss Manners is being facetious. You are concerned that your nieces and nephews know that you love them equally. Etiquette solves this problem with a polite fiction: that all gifts are equally heartfelt.
It is for this reason that price tags are removed before bestowing presents, and it is one of many reasons that Miss Manners objects to cash gifts. Sending the balance to the first niece retroactively invalidates the original gift -- ”I was shortchanged!”
Better to send that niece a nicer-than-usual, non-cash present, with an affectionate, handwritten letter, for her next birthday or anniversary. It will be remembered long after the cash is forgotten.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)