DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were extremely happily married for more than 45 years. We virtually never fought and only wanted to be together.
My wife suddenly died, without warning, approximately four months ago. We both come from very close families and we have several children of our own.
I have been very lonely since her death. I am getting older and do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. But I also do not want to cause problems with any family members who might think that I was not being loyal to the memory of my late wife.
How long would you say it is appropriate to wait before starting to look for another companion?
GENTLE READER: It would be cruel of those who care about you to want to add to your sadness by condemning you to loneliness, but such is often the case. However, ambiguity is on your side.
“Dating” is such a loose term these days that you needn’t admit to it. What you are proposing to do is to “get out a bit and see some friends, to relieve the grief.” Surely no one could object to that.
And it could include seeing new friends, but Miss Manners does not recommend searching for them on any site frequented by your relatives. If a serious relationship evolves -- and you know enough about what that constitutes to proceed cautiously -- there will be time enough to inform them.