DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new partner and I receive invitations from my friends and family for dinners and social events. They are happy for me in my new relationship and want to meet him. My partner does not enjoy casual socializing, and is adamant about not wanting to go.
That is mostly fine with me, so we have agreed that I will let him know occasions that are important to me that I would like him to attend. He's fine with that and has done so. He is retired from a successful professional career, is a happy guy who engages in sports and activities he enjoys, and we have an active life together.
I think his dislike of socializing is in response to many years of required attendance at business and personal affairs (he is a widower). I am happy to attend alone, but the oblique excuses I make for him are making me feel uncomfortable. Please help me with a response that is truthful but fair to him and will not offend the invitees.
GENTLE READER: What you need is a series of responses to deal with the rude, but unfortunately predictable, follow-ups to an initial refusal.
Answer No. 1: "Edwin is so sorry but he will not be able to attend." Answer No. 2: "He just can't. He's so tied up right now."
Answer No. 3: "I realize that. He would love to have come, but it's just not possible."
Miss Manners trusts you to follow the pattern and improvise more as necessary without resorting to, "Edwin hates your barbecues and now I'm not coming either."
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)