Miss Manners

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have come to learn that a few people did not receive their invitations to my wedding for one reason or another, and I only found out when I inquired about their RSVPs (I inquired after the posted RSVP date).

In most cases, the address was right, but they still did not get the invitation! I even double-checked the addresses myself, and my calligrapher checked that every address was correct and a legit postal address through the post office.

This got me thinking that when I send thank-you notes, how am I to be sure everyone got their notes? I do not have everyone's phone numbers and am wondering if I am supposed to follow up with the 170-plus people coming to my wedding regarding if they received my thank-you notes? I don't want anyone thinking I am ungrateful for their gift to us, and given the issue regarding some of the invitations, I am afraid they will not all get their thank-you notes. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That your guests acquire better mail service. Or better excuses for not having responded.

Even with tangible evidence, it is not reasonable to expect that you check in with all recipients to make sure that they received your letters of thanks.

However, when you see each person next -- or at the reception if they sent the present early -- Miss Manners recommends that you make a point of thanking them again, adding, "I hope you got my letter. The post seems to be intercepting them." She does not allow this excuse, however, for those hoping to forgo writing them entirely. But nice try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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