DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 83-year-old father has advanced Alzheimer’s, and we are planning his final arrangements. I am charged with his finances and handling all of his affairs.
My ex-stepmother (they were married 25 years) divorced my dad right after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis as she just “couldn’t deal with it” -- leaving his care to me and my siblings. The family does not maintain contact with her. She also took all of their possessions when they split up, and left us to find an assisted-living care facility for Dad.
I do NOT want her at his funeral, nor do any of my family; however, my mother -- they were divorced 46 years ago, but are on good terms -- says I should invite her.
GENTLE READER: Etiquette respects the final resting place of the deceased -- and of relationships that were terminated by vile behavior. As no one is on speaking terms with the ex-wife now, Miss Manners sees no obvious (or etiquette) reason to modify that at your father’s death.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)