DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father just passed away on Wednesday and was buried on Saturday. I was sick all week from the flu and did not attend.
My family is upset and giving me a hard time about it, saying I should have gone and just sat in back away from everyone. I say other than feeling bad, I should not have gone and spread germs to the people attending.
Who is correct, and should sick people attend funerals? What do I say to my family and friends who question why I did not go?
GENTLE READER: There are a number of things that, while perhaps true, you should definitely not say. Being on death's door yourself is an excellent reason not to attend a funeral.
But anything less will be heard, by those looking to criticize, as a variation on, "I didn't feel up to it." Your family and friends will then naturally wonder if there is any time that one actually wants to attend a funeral. Or at least any time when one can publicly admit it. Your only correct response to your family is, "It broke my heart that I wasn't able to go."