DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a resident assistant in my last year of college. During my time in my university's residential life department, I have seen many changes that have negatively impacted their residential staff and made it harder for us to form genuine connections with our residents. Our opinions are often overlooked as inexperienced even though we are the closest to the resident students. Over the course of a year, I've had several run-ins with my supervisors that have ended in heated exchanges.

Since this is my last year in college, I would prefer to step away from this position and enjoy the time I have left; however, many people are advising me against that. The benefits that come with being an R.A. are financially helpful, but I do not think I deserve to endure workplace mistreatment for any dollar amount. Should I resign to protect my peace of mind or push through for the monetary benefit? -- Help the R.A.

DEAR HELP THE R.A.: I recommend that you stay, primarily so that you can practice dealing with difficult people. In the working world, this happens more than you will want to be true. The best thing you can do is learn how to stand up for yourself, how to remain silent, how to do the best you can in a hostile situation and so forth.

Do your best to keep a cool head. Think about the students for whom you are responsible. How can you stand up for them and be heard? Perhaps writing up weekly reports that point out concerns and include recommendations for improvement? When dealing with supervisors, stay calm -- even when they aren't. Stick to your points, and if there is a senior supervisor, report to that person when you are at an impasse.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine dresses inappropriately in front of my husband. Honestly, I am not bothered by her clothing; it's more of a time-and-place sort of thing. In the past, my girlfriends and I have all worn skirts that are a bit too short or tops that are more sheer than expected. I just thought that, as we got older and more of our friend group found ourselves in serious relationships, the attire would mature on its own.

I don't want to dictate what anyone wears, but there is a particular friend who still wears revealing clothing in intimate settings with my husband and other friends' long-term partners. I mean, she comes over to my house to catch up for dinner and a movie, and she's in a low-cut, tight top with no bra and a miniskirt. If we were headed to the club, I'd have no grievances, but you don't show up to a man's house that way unless you're dating him. I realize how old-school I sound, but it's been bothering me. How can I talk to my girlfriend about this without trying to limit her completely? -- What To Wear

DEAR WHAT TO WEAR: Just be direct. You can lace it with humor. "Girl, please stop wearing club clothes to my house!" In private, just ask her to dress more modestly when she comes to your house. You can admit that you are old-school, but you find her provocative attire unsettling in an intimate home setting. Get ready for backlash, but it is OK for you to make requests in your home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son just bought a motorcycle. I don't know if this is some version of a midlife crisis, but I need help stopping him! He is nearly 40 and a single dad. He is the only parent his daughter has, and I don't want her to lose him because he's finally found his wild side. I was a nurse for over 25 years, and during that time, I have never seen a motorcyclist survive an accident. I have tried talking to my son about this, reminding him of the people who need him, but he believes he's invincible and that being careful can prevent tragedies. He has signed up for lessons to learn how to ride, and he thinks that will be his saving grace.

I don't mean to sound paranoid, but I don't think he realizes how risky this choice is, especially when he has a perfectly safe car he can use. I'm worried. How can I change his mind? -- Biker Dad

DEAR BIKER DAD: You already know that you cannot control your son. What you can do is talk to him about safety measures and specific ways to protect his daughter. It's good he's taking lessons. What about insurance? Even though he's a young man, suggest that he buy a sizable life insurance policy -- at least a million dollars -- in his daughter's name. While money won't replace him, if he is killed in an accident, there will be resources to care for her.

Be mindful not to constantly complain about his bike. You don't want to draw negativity toward him. Just encourage him to be safe -- and ask him not to take his daughter on the bike.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was 18 years old, my parents told me I was adopted. Although I had grown up in a safe home and had been provided for by my adoptive parents, I felt lied to because I was never told this was not my biological family. As I entered adulthood, I began to search for my biological parents to understand exactly where I come from and what my biological heritage is.

As I continue to adulthood, I'm trying to let go of these feelings of betrayal and understand where my adopted family was coming from. Please advise on ways for me to open up the lines of communication while respecting my personal boundaries. I'm seeking to understand and let go of resentment; however, I still want them to understand how painful this process has been for me. -- Adoption

DEAR ADOPTION: When parents adopt a child, they do so out of a tremendous desire to welcome a child into their family. They want more than anything to care for this precious being, and the child does become theirs. It can later become enormously difficult to find a time to tell the child that they were born to other people.

Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. They love you. They welcomed you into their world when, for whatever reason, your biological parents couldn't care for you. This is hard all the way around -- for you and for them. They told you when they thought you had the capacity to handle the news. Don't shut them out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend got married last year in Peru. She and her husband invited family only, wanting to keep the wedding small due to budget. When she told me I wasn't invited, I tried to be supportive. I sent a gift, congratulated her and told myself not to take it personally. My fiance and I are getting married this year, and we have been saving like crazy so we can have a large wedding. Part of me doesn't want to invite my best friend because I wasn't invited to her wedding. We have been friends for more than 30 years -- since we were little girls -- so I couldn't believe an exception wasn't made for me. I keep thinking: If I wasn't important enough to make the cut for her wedding, why should she automatically have a seat at mine?

I know weddings aren't tit-for-tat, but I can't shake the feeling of being excluded during one of the biggest moments of her life. Am I justified in feeling like if I wasn't part of her special day, she doesn't need to be part of mine? -- Uninvited

DEAR UNINVITED: It sounds like you already know you are being petty, but you can still talk to her. Tell her how hurt you remain about her decision to exclude you and what you are grappling with for your own wedding. Allow this to be an opportunity to clear the air. Her decision probably involved other people. Whether it was right or wrong, it happened. What do you want for your friendship moving forward? Work toward meeting that goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a single mother of one, a son who is going to college this year. Over the years, my son and I have built a strong and open relationship that fosters healthy communication. As every parent understands, there will come a day where I am not privy to every aspect of his life, and he must make his own decisions. I trust his decision-making skills since he hasn't done anything to make me question his judgment; however, it is hard to let go of my child at any age.

As he goes to college, I want to give him enough space to grow and evolve into his young-adult self, but I want to maintain an open line, too. How would you advise I avoid becoming a helicopter parent while still providing relevant support and wisdom? -- Growing Up

DEAR GROWING UP: Let your son know that you will always be there for him as a sounding board and a support. Remind him that he is moving into a new phase in his life where he will begin to make decisions for himself. Suggest that he remember the values you have instilled in him. Encourage him to evaluate the options before him at every major crossroads and consider what choice is in alignment with his beliefs. Remind him that when he's in doubt, he can always contact you to run an idea by you. Don't baby him. Point out that you have instilled fundamental values and beliefs in him that should guide his steps. Now is the time for him to use those tools. Of course he will make mistakes -- we all do. If he continues to listen to the voice inside that is reminding him of what appropriate behavior is, he should be OK.

If you can coach him like this rather than constantly telling him exactly what to do, you will learn to let go and not be a helicopter parent.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)