DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old daughter is going through a rebellious phase. She has a lot of jealousy toward her friends because they come from wealthy families. My husband and I are middle class, but this is not good enough for my daughter. She often comes home from school and yells at me and my husband for not making enough money. She wants to have the same things and experiences that her friends have, and because she can't, she feels less than them. I tell her that her dad and I worked hard to get where we are today. We came from poor families and have overcome so much. We have a beautiful house, all the necessities and more. However, this still doesn't compare to her friends' families in her eyes. Their families go on extravagant vacations, drive luxury cars and wear designer clothes. She constantly asks why we can't give her the same lifestyle. What hurts the most is that she speaks about our financial situation with embarrassment.

I know she's young and doesn't fully understand the value of money yet, but her words hurt. I don't want to raise a child who believes her worth is tied to money. How can I help her have gratitude regarding our financial situation? -- Perspective

DEAR PERSPECTIVE: Your daughter needs to learn that the world is filled with people who have all kinds of experiences, advantages and disadvantages. Rather than constantly comparing herself to others, she must learn to appreciate who she is and what she has. Being exposed to wealth through these friends is an eye-opener to her, but unfortunately, it is creating anger.

Do your best to teach your daughter that she will have to work hard to build a life for herself, not based on what others have but on what she can create. Encourage her to stop looking outward and to focus on her own potential, just as you did. It will likely be rocky for some time, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy at a vulnerable time in my life. He was kind to me, and I fell for him. I realize now how desperate I was. This guy was nice, but he had nothing to offer -- no job, no money, no ambition, no cooking skills, all with a macho attitude. He hardly makes time for me. I figure if he doesn't have money, the least he can do is show up to be a friend. Am I so pathetic that I find myself chasing after someone who has so little to offer? Right now, he's not even offering that. How do I get myself together? -- Sad and Lonely

DEAR SAD AND LONELY: You have answered your own question about this guy: He is not the guy for you. If he were still being kind and attentive, the things he doesn't have might matter less, but it sounds like he isn't present. Turn away from him and toward yourself. What do you want? What do you deserve? What do you need? Do what you can for yourself. Look around to see who in your life can be a friend to you. Look for kindness -- not from him, from life. It is there. Notice that. Cultivate that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Unfortunately, as the youngest child of two immigrants and the first person in my family to be born in America, family members have often ignored my struggles and put them off as "luxury problems." My sister has often been silenced as well, leading to her need to be seen. As time has passed, my sister has developed several harmful habits like substance abuse and manipulative tendencies. As I watch my sister's illness tear apart the family and my parents' compliance enable it, I can't help but feel resentment toward all of them. As I enter my adult life, I would like to leave the strong feelings in the past and move on, but how? Please advise on the way for me to process these unresolved emotions without lashing out, but while also respecting my experience. -- Sister, Sister

DEAR SISTER, SISTER: You have to carve out your own lane for your life. Clearly, you are not feeling supported by your family. Look beyond them to friends and mentors to find healthy ways to deal with your issues. Who can understand your "luxury problems" and help you resolve them? Perhaps a guidance counselor at your school or a mental health adviser you find through your insurance.

Do your best to forgive your family for what they aren't handling well and focus on how you can make smart choices for yourself. Learn from your sister's mistakes. Love her, but don't follow in her footsteps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son confided in me regarding something that happened at school, but he doesn't want me to tell his father. I am glad that he felt comfortable enough to tell me, but I feel like this is something that his dad should know. What my son shared wasn't life-threatening, but it was serious enough that I worry about how it might affect him moving forward. I don't want to go against his trust, especially because I know how hard it can be for teenage boys to open up about their feelings, especially to their parents. At the same time, my husband and I have always tried to parent as a team, and keeping something like this from him feels dishonest.

If I tell my husband, I'm afraid my son will never confide in me again. If I don't tell him, I feel like I'm shutting my husband out of something important in our child's life. I'm stuck between protecting my son's trust and respecting my marriage. How do I handle this without damaging one of these relationships? -- Keeping a Secret

DEAR KEEPING A SECRET: Do you think your husband can hold the information without revealing his knowledge to your son? If so, tell him what you learned and preface it with the fact that you need him to hold the confidence. In that way, you can still be a team, with him providing input behind the scenes. If he breaks the confidence, it could be devastating for your son. Make that clear.

Either way, you can encourage your son to confide in his dad on his own. In the future, tell your son you don't keep secrets from your husband. You want the three of you to work together to handle anything that comes along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, my mom told me that she was married and divorced before she met my dad. I am 35 years old, and she just shared this with me now. I was surprised because she has never mentioned this before. I had no idea there had been another marriage, and it feels weird that something so big was hidden from me for my whole life. She mentioned it casually, almost like it wasn't a big deal, but to me it is. I keep wondering why she never told me before. I wonder if she was ashamed or if she just didn't think it mattered because she didn't have any kids from the marriage and hasn't talked to her ex-husband in over 40 years.

I find myself questioning what else I might not know about my parents' lives. I don't necessarily feel angry, but I do feel odd. At the same time, I feel guilty for caring this much. My mom is allowed to have had a life before my dad -- and before me. Should I ask her more questions about it or let it go since it happened long before I was born? How do I process feeling left out of something that technically wasn't my business to begin with? -- Life Before Me

DEAR LIFE BEFORE ME: My mother used to tell me that she shared information with my sisters and me on a need-to-know basis. For my whole life with my mother -- she lived to be 95 -- I learned new things about her. Don't begrudge your mother her timing. Assume that she told you when she did for a reason. What is going on in your life that makes you believe such information would be helpful?

Rather than worrying about what you don't know about your parents, continue to get to know them and learn about them. You have your whole life to discover more treasures about them. Don't be upset; be curious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 35 years old, and recently I got engaged after dating my fiance for five months. I know that sounds fast, but I'm not 22 anymore. I've lived on my own for years, built a career, been in serious long-term relationships and have done a lot of personal growth. I know who I am, what I want and what I will and won't tolerate in a partner. When I met my fiance, it didn't feel impulsive; it felt intentional. We've had the hard conversations about finances, kids, faith, where we want to live, how we handle conflict, etc. We've met each other's families and friends. Nothing about this feels rushed to me. Yet my family and several close friends keep telling me it's "too soon." They say I'm being overtaken by excitement and that five months isn't long enough to know someone. My brother implied that I'm making a mistake or acting out of fear of getting older. Instead of feeling celebrated, I feel judged and second-guessed. It's starting to make me doubt myself even though I feel confident in my choice. How do I know if I'm moving too fast? -- Engaged

DEAR ENGAGED: Go to premarital counseling as you prepare to marry. Work with an officiant or spiritual adviser to talk through everything. Together you can discover if this is right. Drown out the other voices and focus on the two of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)