DEAR HARRIETTE: Unfortunately, as the youngest child of two immigrants and the first person in my family to be born in America, family members have often ignored my struggles and put them off as "luxury problems." My sister has often been silenced as well, leading to her need to be seen. As time has passed, my sister has developed several harmful habits like substance abuse and manipulative tendencies. As I watch my sister's illness tear apart the family and my parents' compliance enable it, I can't help but feel resentment toward all of them. As I enter my adult life, I would like to leave the strong feelings in the past and move on, but how? Please advise on the way for me to process these unresolved emotions without lashing out, but while also respecting my experience. -- Sister, Sister

DEAR SISTER, SISTER: You have to carve out your own lane for your life. Clearly, you are not feeling supported by your family. Look beyond them to friends and mentors to find healthy ways to deal with your issues. Who can understand your "luxury problems" and help you resolve them? Perhaps a guidance counselor at your school or a mental health adviser you find through your insurance.

Do your best to forgive your family for what they aren't handling well and focus on how you can make smart choices for yourself. Learn from your sister's mistakes. Love her, but don't follow in her footsteps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son confided in me regarding something that happened at school, but he doesn't want me to tell his father. I am glad that he felt comfortable enough to tell me, but I feel like this is something that his dad should know. What my son shared wasn't life-threatening, but it was serious enough that I worry about how it might affect him moving forward. I don't want to go against his trust, especially because I know how hard it can be for teenage boys to open up about their feelings, especially to their parents. At the same time, my husband and I have always tried to parent as a team, and keeping something like this from him feels dishonest.

If I tell my husband, I'm afraid my son will never confide in me again. If I don't tell him, I feel like I'm shutting my husband out of something important in our child's life. I'm stuck between protecting my son's trust and respecting my marriage. How do I handle this without damaging one of these relationships? -- Keeping a Secret

DEAR KEEPING A SECRET: Do you think your husband can hold the information without revealing his knowledge to your son? If so, tell him what you learned and preface it with the fact that you need him to hold the confidence. In that way, you can still be a team, with him providing input behind the scenes. If he breaks the confidence, it could be devastating for your son. Make that clear.

Either way, you can encourage your son to confide in his dad on his own. In the future, tell your son you don't keep secrets from your husband. You want the three of you to work together to handle anything that comes along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, my mom told me that she was married and divorced before she met my dad. I am 35 years old, and she just shared this with me now. I was surprised because she has never mentioned this before. I had no idea there had been another marriage, and it feels weird that something so big was hidden from me for my whole life. She mentioned it casually, almost like it wasn't a big deal, but to me it is. I keep wondering why she never told me before. I wonder if she was ashamed or if she just didn't think it mattered because she didn't have any kids from the marriage and hasn't talked to her ex-husband in over 40 years.

I find myself questioning what else I might not know about my parents' lives. I don't necessarily feel angry, but I do feel odd. At the same time, I feel guilty for caring this much. My mom is allowed to have had a life before my dad -- and before me. Should I ask her more questions about it or let it go since it happened long before I was born? How do I process feeling left out of something that technically wasn't my business to begin with? -- Life Before Me

DEAR LIFE BEFORE ME: My mother used to tell me that she shared information with my sisters and me on a need-to-know basis. For my whole life with my mother -- she lived to be 95 -- I learned new things about her. Don't begrudge your mother her timing. Assume that she told you when she did for a reason. What is going on in your life that makes you believe such information would be helpful?

Rather than worrying about what you don't know about your parents, continue to get to know them and learn about them. You have your whole life to discover more treasures about them. Don't be upset; be curious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 35 years old, and recently I got engaged after dating my fiance for five months. I know that sounds fast, but I'm not 22 anymore. I've lived on my own for years, built a career, been in serious long-term relationships and have done a lot of personal growth. I know who I am, what I want and what I will and won't tolerate in a partner. When I met my fiance, it didn't feel impulsive; it felt intentional. We've had the hard conversations about finances, kids, faith, where we want to live, how we handle conflict, etc. We've met each other's families and friends. Nothing about this feels rushed to me. Yet my family and several close friends keep telling me it's "too soon." They say I'm being overtaken by excitement and that five months isn't long enough to know someone. My brother implied that I'm making a mistake or acting out of fear of getting older. Instead of feeling celebrated, I feel judged and second-guessed. It's starting to make me doubt myself even though I feel confident in my choice. How do I know if I'm moving too fast? -- Engaged

DEAR ENGAGED: Go to premarital counseling as you prepare to marry. Work with an officiant or spiritual adviser to talk through everything. Together you can discover if this is right. Drown out the other voices and focus on the two of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22 years old. While on vacation, I connected with a man on a gay dating app. Honestly, he fits the description for many things that I like in a guy: He has a stable job, owns his home, works toward his personal goals and ambitions and has a football player physique. However, many of his great qualities come with one caveat: He is more than twice my age. Although it really doesn't bother me much, I do understand that our age difference will automatically put parameters on how far we can go. My mother has already expressed her disapproval of me bringing home anyone around her age. I am not someone who dates for family approval; however, I have to say, I understand that point and could not expect her to accept such a huge age gap. This man didn't know my age when we first connected, but it didn't seem to bother him when he found out. What should I do? -- Age Gap

DEAR AGE GAP: Tread carefully. His resume sounds good, but when it comes to his age, he could be your father. Ask him why he wants to be with someone so young. You have described why he’s interesting to you, but those qualities and assets come with time. It is possible for you to build a life with someone and get there together. He has all of that due to life experience.

Your mother is seeing the big picture, which is hard for you to do. Don’t make a decision based on her, but think about what you want in your life. Is it to walk into a readymade situation or to build a life with someone who will grow alongside you?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been seriously considering moving out of the country for a fresh start, but I have no idea where to begin. The idea excites me -- new culture, new energy and, hopefully, new opportunities -- but it also feels overwhelming and risky. I don’t know how people secure jobs abroad. Do employers even consider candidates who aren’t already local? Part of me thinks I should find work first and then relocate, but another part wonders if being on the ground would make it easier to network and interview. I’m also unsure about visas, work permits and whether certain countries are more realistic than others. I don’t want this to remain a vague dream I talk about for years without acting on it, but I also don’t want to make a reckless decision. What’s the smartest, most strategic way to approach an international move? -- Dreams of Abroad

DEAR DREAMS OF ABROAD: I’ve got two ideas for you. First, think of countries that appeal to you and research how open they are to hiring immigrants to work there. The rules vary from country to country. Also, look into American businesses that have outposts there. It may be possible to work for an American company abroad.

Another consideration is to take a smaller step first. Move to another part of this country. Go to a place you’ve never visited that interests you, and build a new life there. Give yourself a time limit to create a new experience and see how it feels. Then decide if you want to pivot again to a new country. The practice of setting up a new life will prepare you for another life somewhere else if you still want it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)