DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, my mom told me that she was married and divorced before she met my dad. I am 35 years old, and she just shared this with me now. I was surprised because she has never mentioned this before. I had no idea there had been another marriage, and it feels weird that something so big was hidden from me for my whole life. She mentioned it casually, almost like it wasn't a big deal, but to me it is. I keep wondering why she never told me before. I wonder if she was ashamed or if she just didn't think it mattered because she didn't have any kids from the marriage and hasn't talked to her ex-husband in over 40 years.

I find myself questioning what else I might not know about my parents' lives. I don't necessarily feel angry, but I do feel odd. At the same time, I feel guilty for caring this much. My mom is allowed to have had a life before my dad -- and before me. Should I ask her more questions about it or let it go since it happened long before I was born? How do I process feeling left out of something that technically wasn't my business to begin with? -- Life Before Me

DEAR LIFE BEFORE ME: My mother used to tell me that she shared information with my sisters and me on a need-to-know basis. For my whole life with my mother -- she lived to be 95 -- I learned new things about her. Don't begrudge your mother her timing. Assume that she told you when she did for a reason. What is going on in your life that makes you believe such information would be helpful?

Rather than worrying about what you don't know about your parents, continue to get to know them and learn about them. You have your whole life to discover more treasures about them. Don't be upset; be curious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 35 years old, and recently I got engaged after dating my fiance for five months. I know that sounds fast, but I'm not 22 anymore. I've lived on my own for years, built a career, been in serious long-term relationships and have done a lot of personal growth. I know who I am, what I want and what I will and won't tolerate in a partner. When I met my fiance, it didn't feel impulsive; it felt intentional. We've had the hard conversations about finances, kids, faith, where we want to live, how we handle conflict, etc. We've met each other's families and friends. Nothing about this feels rushed to me. Yet my family and several close friends keep telling me it's "too soon." They say I'm being overtaken by excitement and that five months isn't long enough to know someone. My brother implied that I'm making a mistake or acting out of fear of getting older. Instead of feeling celebrated, I feel judged and second-guessed. It's starting to make me doubt myself even though I feel confident in my choice. How do I know if I'm moving too fast? -- Engaged

DEAR ENGAGED: Go to premarital counseling as you prepare to marry. Work with an officiant or spiritual adviser to talk through everything. Together you can discover if this is right. Drown out the other voices and focus on the two of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22 years old. While on vacation, I connected with a man on a gay dating app. Honestly, he fits the description for many things that I like in a guy: He has a stable job, owns his home, works toward his personal goals and ambitions and has a football player physique. However, many of his great qualities come with one caveat: He is more than twice my age. Although it really doesn't bother me much, I do understand that our age difference will automatically put parameters on how far we can go. My mother has already expressed her disapproval of me bringing home anyone around her age. I am not someone who dates for family approval; however, I have to say, I understand that point and could not expect her to accept such a huge age gap. This man didn't know my age when we first connected, but it didn't seem to bother him when he found out. What should I do? -- Age Gap

DEAR AGE GAP: Tread carefully. His resume sounds good, but when it comes to his age, he could be your father. Ask him why he wants to be with someone so young. You have described why he’s interesting to you, but those qualities and assets come with time. It is possible for you to build a life with someone and get there together. He has all of that due to life experience.

Your mother is seeing the big picture, which is hard for you to do. Don’t make a decision based on her, but think about what you want in your life. Is it to walk into a readymade situation or to build a life with someone who will grow alongside you?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been seriously considering moving out of the country for a fresh start, but I have no idea where to begin. The idea excites me -- new culture, new energy and, hopefully, new opportunities -- but it also feels overwhelming and risky. I don’t know how people secure jobs abroad. Do employers even consider candidates who aren’t already local? Part of me thinks I should find work first and then relocate, but another part wonders if being on the ground would make it easier to network and interview. I’m also unsure about visas, work permits and whether certain countries are more realistic than others. I don’t want this to remain a vague dream I talk about for years without acting on it, but I also don’t want to make a reckless decision. What’s the smartest, most strategic way to approach an international move? -- Dreams of Abroad

DEAR DREAMS OF ABROAD: I’ve got two ideas for you. First, think of countries that appeal to you and research how open they are to hiring immigrants to work there. The rules vary from country to country. Also, look into American businesses that have outposts there. It may be possible to work for an American company abroad.

Another consideration is to take a smaller step first. Move to another part of this country. Go to a place you’ve never visited that interests you, and build a new life there. Give yourself a time limit to create a new experience and see how it feels. Then decide if you want to pivot again to a new country. The practice of setting up a new life will prepare you for another life somewhere else if you still want it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost a significant amount of weight, and it has been a journey to adjust to a different lifestyle. The majority of my clothes don't fit me properly, my curves aren't as curvy as they used to be and many people feel it is OK to comment on my new body. I never hated my body no matter the size, but it has been difficult to learn how to maintain my new shape without being scared I will gain the weight back at the end of the next meal. I think that, because I lost weight instead of gaining, people feel more inclined to share their thoughts about it, but I'm working on creating boundaries of respect in my relationships. How do I form these boundaries around my body without seeming insecure or rude? -- My Body

DEAR MY BODY: People can be unwittingly invasive when it comes to other people's bodies and especially their weight. Even the most well-meaning can cross boundaries without realizing it. You may cause a little rift by speaking up, but it may be worth it. Next time someone decides to offer an analysis about your weight, stop them by saying, "Thank you for your concern, but I would prefer if you keep those comments to yourself." That may prompt a reaction. If so, follow up and say, "I know you love me and are concerned about me, but it is hard for me to have to listen to endless comments about my weight. Please stop." If you say something like that a few times, most people will back off.

For your own self-esteem, consider getting help. A dramatic shift in your body is a lot to process. A therapist may be able to support you as you gain comfort in your new body and develop healthy behaviors to support it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I got hired at the same big tech company three years ago. We were both so excited because the company is a big deal to work for and their compensation and benefits are competitive. However, she recently got promoted, and it's hard for me not to feel jealous. She is now a senior manager, and I'm still a manager. I understand that everyone's career looks different, but I feel stagnant. I've been stuck in the same role for so long now, and I'm starting to feel embarrassed. I've been trying to interview for roles internally and externally, but I haven't been having any luck. It's especially hard because we used to talk about our goals together, and now I feel like I'm falling behind. When she shares updates about her new responsibilities or the bigger projects she's leading, I try to be supportive, but inside I feel small. I find myself avoiding certain conversations because I don't want to compare myself. I've always considered myself ambitious and capable, so this period of feeling "stuck" is affecting my confidence.

I don't want my jealousy to damage our friendship, but I also don't know how to shake this feeling of inadequacy. How do I support my friend genuinely while also dealing with my own disappointment about my career? -- No Comparison

DEAR NO COMPARISON: Establish clear goals for yourself. Write them down and focus on achieving them. Find a mentor within or outside your company who can motivate you. You need someone in addition to your friend who can be there for you. In this way, you can still be a friend to her and yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)