DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I have been talking for a month now about booking a summer vacation together to Greece. I recently brought it up again, and she said that she can’t go anymore because she booked a different vacation with a different friend. She didn’t mention it beforehand or talk to me about possibly changing plans. She just said it was cheaper and easier to coordinate.

I was caught off guard. Technically we hadn’t booked anything yet, but we had been talking about this for weeks, and it felt like an unspoken commitment. What hurt most was feeling like I was easily replaced. Now I’m questioning whether she ever even wanted to go on a vacation with me at all or if she was just lying to me this whole time.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid. Should I tell her that this hurt me or just let it go since nothing was officially booked? How do I move forward without feeling like I’m always the backup plan friend? -- Dumped

DEAR DUMPED: You have every right to feel upset about this. Your friend has the right to change her mind as well, but she should have been upfront with you. It does seem like your friend thought of you as the backup plan and treated you as disposable when something better came along. Either way, that is not the sign of a friend who prioritizes you or has your back.

At this point, you can tell her that you do not appreciate being discarded like that without even the respect to tell you she was considering other options. You should also keep this incident in mind the next time she starts making big plans of any kind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I were on a road trip, pit-stopping in a couple of cities. One of my girlfriends asked if we could meet her for lunch, and we obliged. When the bill came, my husband paid for himself and me and left the remainder of the tab for my girlfriend to pay. She seemed surprised. We had never said out loud how we’d handle the bill, but frankly I was a bit surprised, too. The place wasn’t overly expensive, so I thought my husband would just pay for everything.

Later, when I called my girlfriend to let her know we had arrived at our next city, we got into an argument because she thought it was common courtesy that my husband should have paid the entire bill. While I share that line of thought, I do not think it is her place to have opinions about what my husband should or should not do. That feels like entitlement. Now, I’m not clear on how to properly address this with my friend or my husband. Any advice? -- Split the Bill

DEAR SPLIT THE BILL: You say your friend asked you to meet her for lunch. If that's the case, she should not expect you to pay her bill. The old-fashioned thinking is that the man should pay for an unaccompanied woman joining a couple for a meal, but this is 2026. She doesn’t have the right to be angry. Tell her you are sorry her feelings were hurt, but there should not have been an automatic assumption that you would foot the bill when she invited you to lunch. In fact, modern etiquette dictates that the one who invites is the one who should pay.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Caribbean American; both of my parents have backgrounds in the West Indies. Although my mother was born in America, her Caribbean culture was influential to my upbringing and formative years. My father was born and raised in the Caribbean. I frequently spent extended periods of time on his home island. Although I was raised in a West Indian household, at the end of the day, I grew up Black in America, and I share many lived experiences with African Americans. I was taught to respect and appreciate the uniqueness in every culture.

I am open to dating an African American person; therefore, I want to ensure I honor and respect the customs that made me while highlighting the beauty of these other traditions. Do you have any advice on how to merge the two together? P.S. I don't like to cook. -- Respect

DEAR RESPECT: You have the unique experience of being part of at least two worlds. Each Caribbean country has its own flair and uniqueness. Pay attention to what is true about your parents’ countries of origin. What rituals and traditions have you noticed? Even though you don’t cook, you can still be aware of foodways. The same goes for music. Similarly, look at your African American culture. What have you noticed those families doing together? How do people treat each other -- and yes, what do they eat?

Get to know whomever you decide to date. Talk to them about their life, their culture, their traditions. If you pay attention, you will naturally discover ways to honor who they are and who you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a young, queer Black man entering the dating scene post-COVID, it is often hard to create meaningful in-person connections without sex being at the forefront of the conversation. As someone who values quality time and experiences, it can be lonely on the modern dating scene, especially with many still suffering from social anxiety since the pandemic. I have tried several dating apps without any real success, and I am nervous to enter many LGBTQ+ spaces alone, considering they come with their own set of dangers and challenges. I do try to maintain a vibrant social life, but I often end up at straight clubs and lounges due to the composition of my friend groups. Do you have any advice on how I can convince a group of 10 straight people to attend a gay nightclub with me? -- Stepping Out

DEAR STEPPING OUT: When I was a young woman, we all went to gay clubs because they had the best music. Everybody partied together on the dance floor and had a great time. Do your research. Find a gay club with a vibe your friends will appreciate, and invite them to join you there. If you are with a group of people, you can enjoy one another's company in a space where you might meet someone interesting. If your friends know you and are aware that you want to go somewhere to possibly meet someone, at least some of them should be down to venture out with you on occasion. Give it a try.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, but I don’t like to buy into it. Expectations seem ridiculously high for this manufactured holiday.

I have a relatively new girlfriend. I like her a lot, but I’m not into this day. I have told her as much, and she seems disappointed. I absolutely hate that I become the bad guy if I don’t want to bow to this nonsense. How can I let her know I care about her without falling into this consumerist trap? -- Not a Fan

DEAR NOT A FAN: This is a tough one, as expectations are through the roof for this holiday. A huge industry supports it, so most people feel the pressure -- regardless of their relationship status. No matter what you say to your girlfriend, she will be thinking about this day.

You can’t totally ignore it. That won’t make it go away. Why not do something with your girlfriend so that you are together? Remind her that you don’t celebrate the holiday, but you do celebrate her. Have fun together. Make a meaningful moment so that she has pleasant memories of how you spent the day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just lost his mom suddenly and tragically. He has barely been able to function during this time, so I took on the responsibility of making the arrangements to honor her life. I knew his mom, too, so it was hard having to stow away my grief, but I know he was grateful.

My boyfriend’s ex showed up to the funeral. His entire family is familiar with her, so at the repast, she was greeting everyone, fixing plates for aunts and uncles, thanking people on the mic and checking on my boyfriend all too often. I was occupied with making sure all things were going as they were supposed to. I hate to be so jealous and self-centered during a time like this, but her behavior felt inappropriate. I don’t want to make a fuss about it with my boyfriend because he’s already dealing with so much, but his ex didn’t mind using this sensitive time as an opportunity to worm her way back in. Why should I have to keep quiet while she tries to parade herself back into his life in the most distasteful way? -- Grief and Jealousy

DEAR GRIEF AND JEALOUSY: Some of the worst behavior shows its face at funerals and during times of grief. Some people probably saw this woman for who she is, while others may not even know they aren’t together anymore. You cannot worry about those perceptions. It is OK, though, for you to make a comment to your boyfriend. Without belaboring it, you can admit that you felt uncomfortable when his ex took on such a big role during the funeral. Tell him the truth: You were feeling jealous. You don’t like that this happened, but you wanted to share it with him.

You are allowed to have feelings at this moment. He should be aware of how you were impacted by his ex’s display. Make sure he knows you aren’t asking him to do anything beyond acknowledging how you feel.

During this tender period, lean on each other. You can share stories with him of memories of his mother and how she impacted you. Be a great listener. Invite him to talk about her as much as he needs and wants to. Be there for each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)