DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Caribbean American; both of my parents have backgrounds in the West Indies. Although my mother was born in America, her Caribbean culture was influential to my upbringing and formative years. My father was born and raised in the Caribbean. I frequently spent extended periods of time on his home island. Although I was raised in a West Indian household, at the end of the day, I grew up Black in America, and I share many lived experiences with African Americans. I was taught to respect and appreciate the uniqueness in every culture.

I am open to dating an African American person; therefore, I want to ensure I honor and respect the customs that made me while highlighting the beauty of these other traditions. Do you have any advice on how to merge the two together? P.S. I don't like to cook. -- Respect

DEAR RESPECT: You have the unique experience of being part of at least two worlds. Each Caribbean country has its own flair and uniqueness. Pay attention to what is true about your parents’ countries of origin. What rituals and traditions have you noticed? Even though you don’t cook, you can still be aware of foodways. The same goes for music. Similarly, look at your African American culture. What have you noticed those families doing together? How do people treat each other -- and yes, what do they eat?

Get to know whomever you decide to date. Talk to them about their life, their culture, their traditions. If you pay attention, you will naturally discover ways to honor who they are and who you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a young, queer Black man entering the dating scene post-COVID, it is often hard to create meaningful in-person connections without sex being at the forefront of the conversation. As someone who values quality time and experiences, it can be lonely on the modern dating scene, especially with many still suffering from social anxiety since the pandemic. I have tried several dating apps without any real success, and I am nervous to enter many LGBTQ+ spaces alone, considering they come with their own set of dangers and challenges. I do try to maintain a vibrant social life, but I often end up at straight clubs and lounges due to the composition of my friend groups. Do you have any advice on how I can convince a group of 10 straight people to attend a gay nightclub with me? -- Stepping Out

DEAR STEPPING OUT: When I was a young woman, we all went to gay clubs because they had the best music. Everybody partied together on the dance floor and had a great time. Do your research. Find a gay club with a vibe your friends will appreciate, and invite them to join you there. If you are with a group of people, you can enjoy one another's company in a space where you might meet someone interesting. If your friends know you and are aware that you want to go somewhere to possibly meet someone, at least some of them should be down to venture out with you on occasion. Give it a try.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, but I don’t like to buy into it. Expectations seem ridiculously high for this manufactured holiday.

I have a relatively new girlfriend. I like her a lot, but I’m not into this day. I have told her as much, and she seems disappointed. I absolutely hate that I become the bad guy if I don’t want to bow to this nonsense. How can I let her know I care about her without falling into this consumerist trap? -- Not a Fan

DEAR NOT A FAN: This is a tough one, as expectations are through the roof for this holiday. A huge industry supports it, so most people feel the pressure -- regardless of their relationship status. No matter what you say to your girlfriend, she will be thinking about this day.

You can’t totally ignore it. That won’t make it go away. Why not do something with your girlfriend so that you are together? Remind her that you don’t celebrate the holiday, but you do celebrate her. Have fun together. Make a meaningful moment so that she has pleasant memories of how you spent the day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just lost his mom suddenly and tragically. He has barely been able to function during this time, so I took on the responsibility of making the arrangements to honor her life. I knew his mom, too, so it was hard having to stow away my grief, but I know he was grateful.

My boyfriend’s ex showed up to the funeral. His entire family is familiar with her, so at the repast, she was greeting everyone, fixing plates for aunts and uncles, thanking people on the mic and checking on my boyfriend all too often. I was occupied with making sure all things were going as they were supposed to. I hate to be so jealous and self-centered during a time like this, but her behavior felt inappropriate. I don’t want to make a fuss about it with my boyfriend because he’s already dealing with so much, but his ex didn’t mind using this sensitive time as an opportunity to worm her way back in. Why should I have to keep quiet while she tries to parade herself back into his life in the most distasteful way? -- Grief and Jealousy

DEAR GRIEF AND JEALOUSY: Some of the worst behavior shows its face at funerals and during times of grief. Some people probably saw this woman for who she is, while others may not even know they aren’t together anymore. You cannot worry about those perceptions. It is OK, though, for you to make a comment to your boyfriend. Without belaboring it, you can admit that you felt uncomfortable when his ex took on such a big role during the funeral. Tell him the truth: You were feeling jealous. You don’t like that this happened, but you wanted to share it with him.

You are allowed to have feelings at this moment. He should be aware of how you were impacted by his ex’s display. Make sure he knows you aren’t asking him to do anything beyond acknowledging how you feel.

During this tender period, lean on each other. You can share stories with him of memories of his mother and how she impacted you. Be a great listener. Invite him to talk about her as much as he needs and wants to. Be there for each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently took out loans so I could go on a vacation. I know that sounds financially irresponsible, but I hadn’t gone anywhere in 10 years. I work paycheck to paycheck, and I needed a break from working all the time. For a moment, the trip made me feel human again, rested in a way I haven’t felt in years. Now that I’m home, reality has set in. I’m overwhelmed by guilt and anxiety about the debt I added to my already tight finances. I keep replaying the decision in my head, wondering if I was selfish for choosing rest over responsibility. At the same time, I can’t ignore how close I felt to breaking before I left, and I worry about what will happen if I never allow myself moments of relief.

I’m struggling to reconcile my need for rest with the constant pressure to make the “smart” financial choice. Was this a mistake I should regret, or is it OK to acknowledge that survival sometimes requires more than just paying bills? How do I move forward without punishing myself for finally choosing my own well-being? -- Riddled With Guilt

DEAR RIDDLED WITH GUILT: You already took out the loan and spent the money, so there’s no use beating yourself up over it. You made a decision that you thought would provide some relief for your stressed-out life. Did you enjoy your vacation? I hope so. Rather than spiraling out about how much money you spent, focus on the future. What can you do today to help improve your quality of life? While you cannot afford regular vacations, you can do things to take care of yourself. Schedule in some type of physical activity each week. Find free events in your town. Put yourself in social environments so that you can have a little fun. Find ways to smile, even as you map out a strategy to pay your bills and earn a living. Stop fretting about what was. Live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been tasked with a huge assignment at work, but I feel overwhelmed. I’ve felt this way for months, but I was able to skate by doing what I can without raising too many flags. Now that we have this major assignment, though, it is hard for me to avoid my workload. The spotlight is on me, and I feel like I don’t have the capacity to give my all to this project. We’re a small team, so I don’t feel like I have the option to share the workload with my boss or my colleagues. There’s no one else on the team who is available to take on this project. Do I have any other options? How do I get back to feeling motivated and capable of doing my best work? -- Burnout

DEAR BURNOUT: Your boss will appreciate the heads-up that you do not have the capacity to complete the work at hand. It’s much better to say something before you miss a deadline than to apologize after. Ask for help. Who knows what will happen? Perhaps your company can find interns or interim workers who can come in for a few days or weeks to help lighten the load. As uncomfortable as you may be in revealing your inability to get the job done, trust that a cry for help now is better than the alternative.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)