DEAR HARRIETTE: Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, but I don’t like to buy into it. Expectations seem ridiculously high for this manufactured holiday.

I have a relatively new girlfriend. I like her a lot, but I’m not into this day. I have told her as much, and she seems disappointed. I absolutely hate that I become the bad guy if I don’t want to bow to this nonsense. How can I let her know I care about her without falling into this consumerist trap? -- Not a Fan

DEAR NOT A FAN: This is a tough one, as expectations are through the roof for this holiday. A huge industry supports it, so most people feel the pressure -- regardless of their relationship status. No matter what you say to your girlfriend, she will be thinking about this day.

You can’t totally ignore it. That won’t make it go away. Why not do something with your girlfriend so that you are together? Remind her that you don’t celebrate the holiday, but you do celebrate her. Have fun together. Make a meaningful moment so that she has pleasant memories of how you spent the day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just lost his mom suddenly and tragically. He has barely been able to function during this time, so I took on the responsibility of making the arrangements to honor her life. I knew his mom, too, so it was hard having to stow away my grief, but I know he was grateful.

My boyfriend’s ex showed up to the funeral. His entire family is familiar with her, so at the repast, she was greeting everyone, fixing plates for aunts and uncles, thanking people on the mic and checking on my boyfriend all too often. I was occupied with making sure all things were going as they were supposed to. I hate to be so jealous and self-centered during a time like this, but her behavior felt inappropriate. I don’t want to make a fuss about it with my boyfriend because he’s already dealing with so much, but his ex didn’t mind using this sensitive time as an opportunity to worm her way back in. Why should I have to keep quiet while she tries to parade herself back into his life in the most distasteful way? -- Grief and Jealousy

DEAR GRIEF AND JEALOUSY: Some of the worst behavior shows its face at funerals and during times of grief. Some people probably saw this woman for who she is, while others may not even know they aren’t together anymore. You cannot worry about those perceptions. It is OK, though, for you to make a comment to your boyfriend. Without belaboring it, you can admit that you felt uncomfortable when his ex took on such a big role during the funeral. Tell him the truth: You were feeling jealous. You don’t like that this happened, but you wanted to share it with him.

You are allowed to have feelings at this moment. He should be aware of how you were impacted by his ex’s display. Make sure he knows you aren’t asking him to do anything beyond acknowledging how you feel.

During this tender period, lean on each other. You can share stories with him of memories of his mother and how she impacted you. Be a great listener. Invite him to talk about her as much as he needs and wants to. Be there for each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently took out loans so I could go on a vacation. I know that sounds financially irresponsible, but I hadn’t gone anywhere in 10 years. I work paycheck to paycheck, and I needed a break from working all the time. For a moment, the trip made me feel human again, rested in a way I haven’t felt in years. Now that I’m home, reality has set in. I’m overwhelmed by guilt and anxiety about the debt I added to my already tight finances. I keep replaying the decision in my head, wondering if I was selfish for choosing rest over responsibility. At the same time, I can’t ignore how close I felt to breaking before I left, and I worry about what will happen if I never allow myself moments of relief.

I’m struggling to reconcile my need for rest with the constant pressure to make the “smart” financial choice. Was this a mistake I should regret, or is it OK to acknowledge that survival sometimes requires more than just paying bills? How do I move forward without punishing myself for finally choosing my own well-being? -- Riddled With Guilt

DEAR RIDDLED WITH GUILT: You already took out the loan and spent the money, so there’s no use beating yourself up over it. You made a decision that you thought would provide some relief for your stressed-out life. Did you enjoy your vacation? I hope so. Rather than spiraling out about how much money you spent, focus on the future. What can you do today to help improve your quality of life? While you cannot afford regular vacations, you can do things to take care of yourself. Schedule in some type of physical activity each week. Find free events in your town. Put yourself in social environments so that you can have a little fun. Find ways to smile, even as you map out a strategy to pay your bills and earn a living. Stop fretting about what was. Live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been tasked with a huge assignment at work, but I feel overwhelmed. I’ve felt this way for months, but I was able to skate by doing what I can without raising too many flags. Now that we have this major assignment, though, it is hard for me to avoid my workload. The spotlight is on me, and I feel like I don’t have the capacity to give my all to this project. We’re a small team, so I don’t feel like I have the option to share the workload with my boss or my colleagues. There’s no one else on the team who is available to take on this project. Do I have any other options? How do I get back to feeling motivated and capable of doing my best work? -- Burnout

DEAR BURNOUT: Your boss will appreciate the heads-up that you do not have the capacity to complete the work at hand. It’s much better to say something before you miss a deadline than to apologize after. Ask for help. Who knows what will happen? Perhaps your company can find interns or interim workers who can come in for a few days or weeks to help lighten the load. As uncomfortable as you may be in revealing your inability to get the job done, trust that a cry for help now is better than the alternative.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met this lovely guy ... or so I thought. We met at a group gathering with mutual friends, and by the end of the night, the two of us were tucked away in our own corner. That same night, he texted me and asked if he could see me again at the end of the week. He sent a restaurant and a time and asked if that was OK with my taste and schedule. I agreed. Over the next few days, he texted and called me, and we had good conversations. It all felt so intentional.

On the night of our plans, I texted him to say I was on my way -- no response. When I arrived, I asked for a reservation in his name or mine -- neither existed. I called him again and got no answer. Since I was already out and dressed up, I decided to dine alone and give him the benefit of the doubt. The next day, he continued posting normally on social media and still has not issued an apology or even an excuse. What is the meaning of this? What would make someone show such deep interest just to stand me up? -- Table for One

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: He sounds like a stalker or at least a manipulator. Perhaps it’s good that it ended before it started. Some behavior doesn’t make sense. While it was confusing and hurtful, don’t belabor this moment. Good for you that you took yourself out and had a nice meal. You were smart not to let him derail you. At the same time, it can make it hard to trust someone on a basic level when you have been ghosted for no apparent reason.

It sounds like you did all the right things. Maybe in the future if someone doesn’t confirm plans, don’t go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom can be moody, and when she’s in a bad space, it affects the entire household. This week, especially, she’s been off, giving me the silent treatment or speaking to me sharply for no clear reason. What’s hardest is that once my dad comes home from work, her mood suddenly shifts. She’s warm and upbeat with him, which makes it seem like I’m the one being difficult or withdrawn. I feel stuck carrying the emotional weight of her bad days, and it’s starting to wear on me. I’ve considered telling my dad what’s been happening, but I worry that it will create tension or feel like I’m betraying her. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to quietly absorb this behavior and let it affect my joy. How do I protect my emotional well-being in a household where moods change so dramatically? Is telling my dad the right step or would it make things worse? -- Moody Mom

DEAR MOODY MOM: You should talk to your father about your mother’s behavior. You should not have to carry the burden of this on your own. Explain to him what has been happening, and ask for help. Tell him how hard it is for you to weather her bad days -- especially in contrast to how she perks up when he arrives at the end of the day.

Your mother might need medical attention. Perhaps your father can convince her to go to the doctor.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)