DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother passed away earlier this year, and I’m still sad. She lived as long as she could with a smile on her face most times. I recently looked at photos of her over the past couple of years, and it broke my heart; she was so frail. We always thought she held on just to be able to be with us, her children and families and friends, but it was so hard for her. I’m feeling guilty for wanting her to live as long as she did. It feels selfish now. I also don’t want to live that long myself. If I’m ever just hanging out, I wish I could just die. Is that a horrible thought? I don’t feel depressed, just realistic. I fear that if I tell my family, it will make them worry about me. That’s not the point. How should I deal with these feelings? -- Living in Grief

DEAR LIVING IN GRIEF: Now is a good time to get some help. Grief counselors exist for the purpose of helping people work through their varied emotions during times of loss. Talk to someone who can help you process all that you have experienced with your mother’s loss. As you talk, be sure to address how you are feeling about yourself. If possible, do things today to protect yourself in your later years so that you have the resources and support that you need -- if you live that long.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a class reunion recently, and it was so weird. Everybody was acting like we all looked the same and were the same, but it was anything but true. It was our 25th anniversary, and we all seemed older. Some looked healthy. Others were frail. Some had aged dramatically. Some seemed only a few years older. Some were married, some single, some divorced, some widowed. I didn’t want to buy into all of the evaluations, but they were relentless. I did my best just to greet people and be together, but it was hard. I want to follow up with some of the people to touch base, but I don’t want to go back to those comparisons. How can I get some of my former classmates to be in the present moment? -- No More Nostalgia

DEAR NO MORE NOSTALGIA: Review your experience and pick out the people you would like to see again. If you have their contact information, reach out to get together. Have it in your mind that you will be in the present with them. Choose something you want to talk about that can bridge past and present. Think of things you would like to discuss. Start off easy. If they slip back in the past, remind them of current events to bring them forward. If they loathe how they look now compared to 25 years ago, remind them that they are still standing and living. You should all be grateful for where you are. If there’s work to be done -- health or otherwise -- go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine constantly preaches to us about the importance of showing support to each other through good times, bad times, startup businesses, financial hardship, graduations, milestones and everything else under the sun. Over the years, though, it seems to be getting harder for her to practice what she preaches.

Recently, I’ve been building out a community-based organization that hosts free mixers for young professionals who need help socializing. This friend rarely comes to any of my events, and when she does, she comes late or spends her time criticizing or making suggestions. I’m not opposed to suggestions, but it seems inappropriate to make these comments during the event. It feels like she’s not happy to be there for me on the few occasions when she does make an appearance. I want to tell her that she doesn’t need to attend any of my events in the future if she does not enjoy being there, but I fear that may come off harshly. How do I remind her of her own standards of “support” without ruining our friendship? -- No Support

DEAR NO SUPPORT: Describe to your friend how she behaves when she comes to your events -- wholly unsupportive. Tell her how surprised you are, given what she considers her “brand” to be. Ask her to stop coming if she can’t be more constructive with her criticism. Her presence has not been helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting married to the love of my life this summer, and this week I was looking for wedding dresses. I went with my mom and soon-to-be mother-in-law, two people who are opinionated and traditional, which made shopping for the right dress a nightmare. I am an untraditional person, and I wanted a color other than white, which made both moms lose their minds. From the moment I mentioned that I didn’t see myself in a white gown, the tension in the room was obvious. Every dress I liked was met with criticism, and instead of feeling excited and supported during what I imagined would be a special bonding experience, I felt judged. I understand that weddings can bring up strong emotions and expectations, especially for mothers who have long-held ideas about what this day should look like. Still, it hurt that neither of them seemed interested in what made me feel confident and happy. This wedding is meant to celebrate my partner and me, yet I felt like my preferences were being treated as wrong or inappropriate simply because they didn’t align with tradition. We never decided on a dress that day, and I’ve been wondering if I should give in and wear a white dress or wear a different color and be happy? -- Not in Sync

DEAR NOT IN SYNC: Wedding stylists suggest that when you go to try on dresses, you take people with you who are good listeners, who are thinking about you and not themselves, and who give you space to think. Clearly, that didn’t happen.

You can wear whatever color dress you decide. Next time you go to the bridal salon, take someone supportive with you. Work on managing the moms as a separate issue. This will be a lifetime job. Stick to your beliefs; this is your wedding, after all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How long do you stay in a relationship when it doesn’t seem to be healthy? I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years. At first it was great, though he has always been moody. Now his moods are the driving force of the relationship. I never know how he is going to act when I see him. He can be kind one minute and hostile the next. I think he may have some kind of mental condition. I have suggested that he go to a doctor to talk about medication that helps people with depression or other mood disorders. He refuses. I don’t have the capacity to live through a lifetime with this man if his issues will always go unchecked. We are not married, but we are in a committed relationship. Am I wrong for wanting to leave if he won’t even try to get help for himself? -- Alone

DEAR ALONE: I wholeheartedly believe that therapy can save relationships and be a major contributor to their success. If your partner is unwilling to get help when it is clear that he has some issues, that is a red flag. If you believe his going untreated is too much for you to handle, give him an ultimatum: He must get help, or you’ll leave. Then act on it.

I know one couple who broke up because one partner had an addiction problem. The split triggered him to take the situation seriously. He got help, they got back together and now they are married.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who posted online recently that she didn’t feel that life was worth living anymore. I called to check on her immediately. She didn’t talk about what was going on directly, but she sounded sad and despondent. I offered to come visit or to take her out somewhere. So far, she has not agreed. I’m not sure what to do. I keep calling her, but I would hate it if she took her life or hurt herself and I didn’t at least make a big effort to rescue her. What can I do to help my friend? -- Unhappy Friend

DEAR UNHAPPY FRIEND: It’s frightening how many people are in a fragile mental state these days. The good news is, like your friend, more people are speaking up about it than in the past. The going wisdom says that if your friend has told you, she must trust you -- at least enough to listen. Do your best to be present and willing to hear her out. Learn what’s going on with her without judgment. Do not diminish her pain or fear. Acknowledge whatever she tells you. Express empathy. Let her know that you are sorry that she is going through this. Stay in touch with her as much as you can so that she knows she is not alone. Encourage her to get help with a therapist to talk about her troubles. She can do this in person or remotely.

If, at any time, you believe she is in immediate danger of hurting herself or others, try to get her to call the Suicide Helpline, 988. For more suggestions, visit healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-help-a-suicidal-friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)