DEAR HARRIETTE: How long do you stay in a relationship when it doesn’t seem to be healthy? I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years. At first it was great, though he has always been moody. Now his moods are the driving force of the relationship. I never know how he is going to act when I see him. He can be kind one minute and hostile the next. I think he may have some kind of mental condition. I have suggested that he go to a doctor to talk about medication that helps people with depression or other mood disorders. He refuses. I don’t have the capacity to live through a lifetime with this man if his issues will always go unchecked. We are not married, but we are in a committed relationship. Am I wrong for wanting to leave if he won’t even try to get help for himself? -- Alone

DEAR ALONE: I wholeheartedly believe that therapy can save relationships and be a major contributor to their success. If your partner is unwilling to get help when it is clear that he has some issues, that is a red flag. If you believe his going untreated is too much for you to handle, give him an ultimatum: He must get help, or you’ll leave. Then act on it.

I know one couple who broke up because one partner had an addiction problem. The split triggered him to take the situation seriously. He got help, they got back together and now they are married.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who posted online recently that she didn’t feel that life was worth living anymore. I called to check on her immediately. She didn’t talk about what was going on directly, but she sounded sad and despondent. I offered to come visit or to take her out somewhere. So far, she has not agreed. I’m not sure what to do. I keep calling her, but I would hate it if she took her life or hurt herself and I didn’t at least make a big effort to rescue her. What can I do to help my friend? -- Unhappy Friend

DEAR UNHAPPY FRIEND: It’s frightening how many people are in a fragile mental state these days. The good news is, like your friend, more people are speaking up about it than in the past. The going wisdom says that if your friend has told you, she must trust you -- at least enough to listen. Do your best to be present and willing to hear her out. Learn what’s going on with her without judgment. Do not diminish her pain or fear. Acknowledge whatever she tells you. Express empathy. Let her know that you are sorry that she is going through this. Stay in touch with her as much as you can so that she knows she is not alone. Encourage her to get help with a therapist to talk about her troubles. She can do this in person or remotely.

If, at any time, you believe she is in immediate danger of hurting herself or others, try to get her to call the Suicide Helpline, 988. For more suggestions, visit healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-help-a-suicidal-friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a wonderful date last week. I encouraged myself to go to a networking event alone and ended up meeting an intriguing gentleman. We both decided to show up for ourselves, and throughout the evening we spoke about how we were new to branching out but determined to do so. The conversation felt illuminating yet platonic, so when he asked me to grab drinks afterwards, I agreed. By the end of the night, we were blatantly flirting and enjoying each other’s company. We spoke about other activities we could do and places we could see together at a later date. We had food at one place and drinks at two others. This was the most unexpected turn of the evening, and somehow we both forgot to exchange contact information! I think we both were a bit inebriated. We did exchange full names, so my only source to reconnect with this lovely man is public information. It feels a bit invasive Googling a person, but a lot of his professional details are available online -- no email or social accounts though. Do you have any suggestions on how to find a person when you have so little to go on? -- Lost Romance

DEAR LOST ROMANCE: The hopeless romantic in me wants to believe that you two will find each other if it is meant to be. In this day and age, it cannot be that hard to find a person. Think a little longer about whether you had any people in common. Might there be someone you know who knows him? If you cannot figure that out, just have patience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for seven years, and we don’t have children. We originally agreed to hold off for a few years so we could enjoy married life with just the two of us. As time has passed, I’ve realized that I enjoy not having the additional responsibility that comes with children. We have been able to build up a strong savings while still being able to travel and go on dates often. We make good money, but if we had a child, our life would not look the same. I feel selfish admitting this, but I don’t want to give any of this up.

My husband feels ready to have a child. Lately, this difference has started to create tension between us. He talks about becoming a parent with excitement, while I feel anxious whenever the topic comes up. I worry about whether I would resent giving up the freedom we’ve worked so hard to build together. I love my husband, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m dismissing his dreams for our future. At the same time, I’m afraid that agreeing to have a child when my heart isn’t fully in it could lead to regret or resentment down the line. How do I talk to my husband about how I feel in this situation? -- Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: Sit down and tell your husband the truth. Be completely honest and work through it. Sacrifice is real when you have children, but it can be the most rewarding experience you will ever have. You have to decide together if and when you are ready to take that step.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son moved away a couple of months ago. At the time, he told me that he was able to transfer his job, which would make the move that much more seamless. Last week, he called me to tell me that his employment contract will terminate in the next few weeks. I asked him where this was coming from, and he admitted that he knew all along that this was one of the conditions of his temporary office transfer. This is all news to me. He says he’s been applying and interviewing a ton, but he still hasn’t secured a new job.

My son has asked whether I’d be willing to help him with living expenses if things don’t change in the next few weeks. I can’t tell if I’m upset because he was dishonest or because I think the move was a poor decision. I want him to realize that he can’t always use me as a safety net. I want him to grow up, be more responsible and start making wiser, more thorough decisions. Should I let him fend for himself so he can learn a lesson in adulthood? Is there a way to help him and get through to him? -- Safety Net

DEAR SAFETY NET: Have a direct conversation with your son. Let him know how disappointed you are that he was dishonest with you -- and ultimately with himself. Point out that he is at the age where he needs to be able to take care of himself. Give him either a timeline or a set amount of money that you will give him before you intend to stop. (A timeline is probably better for someone who is not disciplined about money.) Tell him he has to figure out his life by then or learn how to fend for himself without you as his fallback.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a committed relationship, but recently, I’ve found myself questioning where the line is between harmless flirting and cheating. I haven’t physically crossed any boundaries, but there’s someone at work I have easy chemistry with. We joke, tease and sometimes exchange lingering looks or playful comments. It feels energizing, and part of me enjoys the attention, even though I would never act on it.

My partner doesn’t know about these interactions, and that’s what makes me a bit worried. I’ve started wondering whether the secrecy itself means I’m already doing something wrong. At the same time, I don’t feel like I should have to shut down every spark of connection just because I’m in a relationship. I don’t want to hurt my partner or jeopardize what we’ve built, but I also don’t want to over-police my own behavior. How do I define reasonable boundaries for myself without depriving myself of human connection while still respecting the integrity of my relationship? -- Flirting or Cheating

DEAR FLIRTING OR CHEATING: The fact that you have given this much thought to it means that whatever you are doing with this co-worker is more than a meaningless flirtation. Step back and analyze the situation. What are you possibly missing at home that you derive from this co-worker? Is there a way for you to channel the energy that seems so “easy” back to your partner at home so that you focus any type of intimacy on that bond? Let this flirtation draw you back into your partnership. Then it will have served some good.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)