DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a nice apartment building in Los Angeles, and it costs a lot of money to live here. Since I pay such a premium, you would think that my neighbors would all be respectful. However, my upstairs neighbor plays music so loud all the time, I can still hear his music at 2 a.m. I’ve asked him to turn down the music many times, and he refuses. I have contacted management, and they don’t do anything; I receive vague responses or no follow-up at all, and the noise continues as if no rules exist. I'm frustrated and starting to feel helpless in my own home. I work hard and pay my rent on time, and I expect to be able to sleep at night without a disruption.

I don’t want to be a difficult tenant, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect peace and quiet at 2 a.m. How do I handle this situation when official complaints have gone nowhere? At what point is it acceptable to escalate, and how can I protect my peace without creating an ongoing conflict with my neighbor or my building management? -- Can’t Sleep

DEAR CAN’T SLEEP: At this point, your neighbor has already created an ongoing conflict, so it is reasonable to involve the police. Most neighborhoods have noise ordinances. Check to see if there is one in place for where you live. You can also call 311 or visit lacity.gov/myla311 and report your concerns. Document as best you can when and how often your neighbor blasts music at night. The police should send someone to investigate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend wants us to go on vacation together, but I firmly believe that some friends aren’t good to travel with. I love her, but she often leaves the logistics of our plans up to me, and it’s frustrating. Whenever we make plans, whether it’s a day trip or even just a dinner, she always leaves the details up to me. When I go on vacation, I prefer for the other person to help with planning. I want traveling to feel like a shared experience, not another responsibility. She keeps pushing that we need to take a trip together, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to be honest without hurting her feelings or damaging our friendship. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to myself to agree to something I know will be frustrating and emotionally draining.

I’m struggling to find a way to be honest without sounding critical or selfish. How can I communicate this boundary in a kind but firm way while still preserving the friendship and avoiding long-term resentment? -- Not My Travel Buddy

DEAR NOT MY TRAVEL BUDDY: You need to have an honest conversation with your friend. Tell her how you feel about how she expects you to handle everything and that you don’t like that. She does it all the time at home, so you expect she will want you to be in charge of everything on a trip, and that’s not fun for you. You already have long-term resentment; you need to address this directly so that you both can possibly move on from it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son told me that he's in need of a laptop, as his old one broke down on him. I asked what was keeping him from getting a new one, and he shared that he didn’t want to overspend without saving up a bit longer. A couple of weeks went by, and I decided to give him more than half of the cost of the computer he wanted. I told him that I was giving him this money specifically for a laptop. It did not need to be the exact model he originally showed me; it could be more or less expensive -- totally up to him -- but I wanted to help him specifically with his computer because I knew that would be a huge weight off his shoulders.

It's been almost three months, and he still hasn’t gotten a laptop, but he's been shopping and going out more often. I don't want to control my son's spending, but I wonder if the money I gave him has gone to waste. I'd hate to think that he had taken advantage of my generosity. Am I wrong for wanting to know what he's done with the money? -- No Good Deed

DEAR NO GOOD DEED: It’s OK to confront your son about the computer. Ask him why he hasn’t purchased it yet. Listen for his answer. Note that you have seen him spending money more freely of late, and it makes you wonder if he used the money you gave him for a different purpose. Again, listen and learn.

In the future, if you want your son to use money in a specific way, keep control over it. For example, you could have gone with him to the computer store and paid them instead of him. Otherwise, you’ll have to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them. Either way, there will be lessons learned.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wit’s end with one of my friends. Someone I consider a close friend often acts differently when we're around new or less-familiar friends. Sometimes he'll make me the butt of all his jokes or leave me out of things we'd normally do together. For a while, I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting or even misinterpreting things, but unfortunately, I don’t think I am. When it's just the two of us, we have a great time, but in larger groups, it feels like he prefers that I am the outcast and he is the center of attention.

The final straw was last week when we went out with some of his new colleagues. Upon arrival, he didn’t introduce me to anyone, so I had to make my rounds solo. When he did finally acknowledge me, he was either interrupting me or exaggerating old, embarrassing stories that new people didn’t need to hear. I tried talking to him about it that night, but he told me I was making something out of nothing. Should I bring it up again or trust my gut and create some distance? -- Two Faces

DEAR TWO FACES: This person is not acting like a friend. Call him on it. Give specific examples and ask him to explain himself. Tell him that if he cannot treat you with respect, you have no more time for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I became a dad at a young age. I had my first daughter at 18 and my second when I was 22. When their mom and I broke up, the three of them moved out of state, so I've been a long-distance parent to my daughters for about six years now. I have them on holidays and summer break, but because of the distance, I often feel nervous or even awkward when they come to stay with me.

Growing up, I did not experience a lot of affection from my parents, and I realize I've carried that into my own parenting journey. How do I break past my nerves and let my guard down around my children? They're still young, so they don't seem to notice, but the anxiety is driving me crazy. I want to feel the same joy and level of comfort that other parents feel with their children. How do I create a better relationship with my daughters despite the distance? -- Better Dad

DEAR BETTER DAD: Kudos for wanting to strengthen your relationship with your daughters. Start by adding more interaction with them during the rest of the year. Schedule weekly video calls where you get to see and talk with one another. Be prepared to share simple things about your day and your life and ask them to do the same. It could be about school, extracurricular activities or anything else that’s going on in their worlds. Listen attentively, and don’t get upset when they don’t have time to talk to you. Just establish a rhythm and build from there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is in an open relationship, but I can tell she's unhappy. When she first told me about it, I asked genuine questions out of curiosity, but she became defensive. She even tried to guilt me into being more progressive and "open-minded." I know that in this day and age, there is a whole new way to date, but as a mother, it seems like my daughter has agreed to this dynamic because she likes her boyfriend, not because she wants the option to experience others. She's in her mid-20s and has been with her boyfriend for almost two years now. The first year they were together, they were exclusive (supposedly), and then her partner suggested that they open things up.

I want to remind my daughter that she doesn't have to agree with anything just to please someone else, and that it's OK for her to change her mind along the way. How do I do this gently? We’ve always had a close relationship, so I want to be careful not to seem like I’m judging her. -- Open Mind

DEAR OPEN MIND: Check in with your daughter regularly. Don’t push, but do ask her how she’s doing and how she feels about their arrangement. You can let her know that if she ever feels uncomfortable with the terms of their relationship, she can speak up and change her involvement with her boyfriend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)