DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my wife is having bladder issues, but I imagine that may be a sensitive topic, so I’m not sure how to bring it up. Over the past year or so, I’ve noticed a change in how frequently she needs to use the restroom and the urgency she experiences. There have also been some instances where it seems like she didn’t make it to a restroom in time. For example, sometimes she’ll run into the house from running errands, but I can see that she’s already leaked a bit (or more than a bit). I don’t want to embarrass her by pointing out something that she may already feel insecure about, but I do want her to know that some of these changes come with age and are nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve looked up some solutions (like adult diapers or incontinence underwear), but I’m not sure of the best way to share them with my wife without bruising her ego. Any advice? -- Can’t Hold It

DEAR CAN’T HOLD IT: Tell your wife you need to discuss something sensitive with her. Mention that you have noticed that she seems to need to urinate more frequently and sometimes has little accidents. Tell her what you have found in your search for solutions; you might even buy some of the incontinence underwear for her.

Recommend that she see her internist to find out if she can do anything else about this issue. It could be that she has a temporary condition that can be addressed. Apologize if you have embarrassed her. Explain that you love her and want to make sure she is comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate to admit it, but I have always been jealous of my best friend. We’ve been friends since high school; now we’re in our 50s, and I’m still jealous of her. She’s always been extremely beautiful, and she’s super smart. She and her husband are millionaires and have three amazing children. I, however, barely even make $40,000 per year, and I’m divorced. I truly love her and value our friendship, but I can’t deny that every time we talk, I feel a pit in my stomach. When she talks about her vacations, her beautiful home or how proud she is of her children, I smile and act happy for her, but inside I feel like a failure. I start comparing every part of my life to hers, and I always come up short. It makes me feel small, inadequate and ashamed of where I am in life. Sometimes I even find myself avoiding her calls or spending less time with her because I don’t like the person I become when I’m around her: resentful, insecure and bitter. I feel guilty because she has never been anything but kind and supportive of me. She doesn’t brag, she doesn’t flaunt anything and she has always been a good friend. The jealousy is coming entirely from me. How can I let go and enjoy our friendship without constantly feeling like I’m less than she is? -- Low Self-Esteem

DEAR LOW SELF-ESTEEM: Try to forgive yourself for your jealousy. Offer her blessings for the bounty of her life and ask for reminders to be grateful for what is yours. Live your life; stop trying to live hers. If you cannot, you will need to step away from her. It’s not fair to either of you to envy her and diminish yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, I helped my close friend through a tough time when she was struggling financially and feeling lonely, but now that she’s in a better situation, she has completely stopped talking to me. I was not only a friend who was there for her emotionally, I also supported her financially. She had recently gotten divorced and lost her job, so I sent her money to help pay her rent, with no expectation that she would pay me back. I also spent a lot of time helping her look for jobs. She landed a well-paying job through a connection of mine, and she is now also dating again. As a result of her newfound success, she doesn’t care to talk to me anymore. It feels like she used me when she needed help, and now that her life has improved, she has forgotten about me. I’m hurt and confused, and I don’t know if I should confront her, let her go or try to be understanding. Was I ignorant to be so generous, or is this just part of friendship sometimes? How do I move forward without feeling bitter? -- Forgotten

DEAR FORGOTTEN: Try to separate your feelings of abandonment from this friend and what you did for her. Since you wanted to support her financially and also help her get a job, allow those things to sit without judgment around them. You helped her to the best of your ability during a tough time.

Now that she has healed from the emotional and financial shock that hit her system, she is putting herself out there and living her life. Be happy that she is bouncing back and finding a healthy rhythm. At the same time, you can feel sad. Rather than loading her up with the baggage of her not thinking about you now that things are good -- even though you were there for her when she was in need -- let her know that you miss her. Ask her -- directly but without reproach -- if she will make a little time to spend with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in an intense relationship for about a year, but I’ve been single again for a few months. I want to date again, but I find myself analyzing every move a new guy makes as I worry about whether he will turn out to be like my ex in the worst of ways. I feel like I am assuming bad intentions from anybody who gets near me thanks to him. How can I free myself of the past? -- Not Him

DEAR NOT HIM: Go back to basics. Write out the qualities that you appreciate in a partner and those that you do not. Be clear about what you hope your next partner will behave like and what is unacceptable. When you meet new people, measure them against your values -- not your ex's faults. Assume the positive, even as you move slowly.

If you need to work through any of the baggage from your past relationship, invest in a therapist.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a mountain of debt, and no matter how optimistic I am, I don’t see a way out. Work is virtually nonexistent, and it has been this way for more than a year. I have cut back on all my expenses to the best of my ability, but I’m still suffering. I don’t want to ask anyone for help, but I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I would be better off just ending my life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I don’t see any viable options to climb out of this hole. How can I be more positive? -- Is It the End?

DEAR IS IT THE END?: I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. You are not alone, even though you may feel that way. This is a difficult time for many people. Please do not isolate yourself. Pick up the phone and call for help. Call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or IMAlive at 1-800-784-2433. Talk to a mental health professional who will listen with compassion and support.

According to HelpGuide.org you can do some other things to change your mindset, too:

1. Know that your emotions are not fixed -- they are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next week.

2. Your absence would create grief and anguish in the lives of friends and loved ones.

3. There are many things you can still accomplish in your life. There are sights, sounds and experiences in life that have the ability to delight and lift you -- and that you would miss.

4. Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.

As for the financial aspect, make a budget and keep chipping away at your debt. Think about taking on a part-time job or doing odd jobs around the neighborhood for some extra money. You might consider debt relief or declaring bankruptcy. Keep your head up: It will get better.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gained a lot of weight over the past year. When I was home for the holidays, several of my family members commented about it. They thought it was funny that I had finally gained weight because they are all way overweight and always have been, and I was always the skinny one. In fact, they used to tease me because they said I was “too skinny.” Now they taunt me about the extra poundage, and it hurts my feelings. I don't want to be mean to them, but I need them to stop. I never comment about their weight; I go out of my way to be kind to them and to say nice things only. Part of me wants to curse them out. What should I say? -- Weight Gain

DEAR WEIGHT GAIN: Next time you see them or when you speak to one of them on the phone, you can say you need to tell them something: You need them to stop making you their punching bag. Explain that you don’t find it funny when they tease you about your weight -- whether it’s up or down. Point out that you never evaluate their physicality, and you would appreciate it if they would stop analyzing yours. If they brush it off and say it’s all in jest, tell them that you don’t find it funny.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)