DEAR HARRIETTE: I carpool with my friend to work. I pick her up every day because she's on the way and doesn't drive. We've been late a few times, and our job has a protocol for lateness. My supervisor doesn't keep close tabs on our team's timestamps, so she hardly realized when I was late. My friend's supervisor, however, happened to notice her fourth tardy arrival and gave her a stern warning, per protocol. When she got her warning, she asked her supervisor if she planned to warn me, too, because we come in together every day. I found it distasteful. I explained that to her on our ride home, but she thought it made sense that we both be on their radar since we're both always late. Since then, I made the decision to no longer pick her up and to be on time every single day. She barely speaks to me now. I don't regret the decision I made, but I do know she has a tough transit commute. Am I being too harsh? Should I let this issue get in the way of our friendship? -- Corporate Carpool

DEAR CORPORATE CARPOOL: Your friend tried to soften the blow for herself by deflecting to you. That was unnecessary and unkind. I understand why you were angry, even though it is true that the two of you were late. Were you often late because of your friend? You say that you aren’t late anymore now that you go alone. Are you more conscientious now, or was she a drag on the commute?

If you value her friendship, you can offer to speak to her to break the ice about this topic. Tell her how you feel, but admit that you miss her friendship and also know that the commute is now hard for her again. Talk it out to see if you want to share a ride in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I were raised in the same household by the same parents, yet as adults we have two very different views of our father. I see my dad as someone who worked hard, showed up in the ways he could and consistently supported us throughout our lives. I’m deeply grateful for him and everything he’s done. My brother, on the other hand, seems to carry a lot of resentment. Whenever the subject of our dad comes up, he focuses on his shortcomings and disappointments, often listing ways he feels let down or overlooked. Listening to this has become exhausting and painful for me. It feels like he’s erasing the good and ignoring the sacrifices our dad made, and I can’t help but hear it as ungratefulness. At the same time, I don’t want to dismiss my brother’s experience or silence his truth just because it differs from mine. How do I respect his feelings without sitting through what feels like constant criticism of someone I love? -- Oh, Brother

DEAR OH, BROTHER: Tell your brother you are sorry that his experience with your father was so bad. Remind him that yours was different and that it’s hard for you to hear his constant attacks on your father. If your dad is still around, suggest that he speak to him directly, but leave you out of it. He may also want to work with a therapist to deal with his feelings about your father.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! Can you believe that 2025 has passed us by already? It’s hard to grasp, and yet here we are. Take a moment to breathe and reflect on all that occurred in the past year. What did you learn? How did you grow? What do you need to work on moving forward? Be honest with yourself -- and also be kind to yourself.

Now look ahead. Here you are at the beginning. I consider it a blessing to start a new year with all of the anticipation that beginnings can bring. What is your intention for yourself and your life this year? Take some time to contemplate that. What will you make manifest? Let the sky be the limit as you consider this. If you could do anything you want this year, what would it be?

You can design your life and take the steps you need in order to make your dreams manifest. Start with a big idea and then break that down into manageable steps. Record those steps into your calendar so that you can hold yourself accountable every day. If you focus on your goals every day starting now, you will be able to see your progress in real time.

I host 100 Day Plan sessions that have this concept in mind. Here’s what you can do on your own: Come up with three big ideas that you want to manifest in your life right now and that you pledge to enact in the next 100 days. Write down what they are and what could stand in the way of you reaching your goals. Then consider what you can do to get around those obstacles. Next, make a checklist of tasks you can complete in order to stay focused and do the work.

In the best of worlds, you will find an accountability partner who will cheer you on as the days tick by. Root for each other and don’t give up, even if you miss a day.

Promise yourself that you are worth the effort you are putting forth for your life. Check in with yourself each week. How are you doing? What have been your successes? What have been your setbacks? Keep moving. If you stay the course, you will meet at least some of your goals. It’s amazing how effective this focused effort can be. You can be the architect of your life. Go for it and see what you are able to make happen.

You can also sign up for a 100 Day Plan cohort if you don’t want to do it alone. Visit harriettecole.com/100dayplan to learn more.

The bottom line here is that you have power over your own life. Don’t sit back waiting for someone to make things happen for you. Go for it. Now. Believe in your dreams. Say them out loud and work hard every day to make them come true. You are worth it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son rarely calls me or reaches out to me, and it makes me question whether I did something wrong raising him. He is now a sophomore at a college halfway across the country. I was sad to see him go away, but I assumed he would call me first sometimes. I thought wrong; if I want to hear from him, I need to call him. What hurts me the most is that when we do call, our conversations feel rushed, as if I’m interrupting his life rather than being a part of it. I try not to sound like a needy parent, but I can’t shake the feeling that I care about him way more than he cares about me.

I find myself replaying old moments from his childhood, wondering if I did a poor job raising him and that’s why he doesn’t call. I am, however, proud of the independent young man he’s becoming, and I know college is a time when friendships, classes and new experiences take priority. Still, I didn’t expect to feel this invisible. I don’t want to guilt him or make him feel pressured to check in, but I don’t want to quietly accept a relationship that feels one-sided and transactional. How do I keep a healthy relationship with my son during this stage of his life without pushing him away or blaming myself for something I may not have done wrong? -- No Contact

DEAR NO CONTACT: Find a moment when you think your son is paying attention, and tell him that you wish he would call you more. Tell him you miss him and want to maintain a close relationship with him. All you can do is be honest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t like the current dating culture. Everybody seems to be on dating apps, but where does it get you? My latest bomb was going out with a guy who said he liked to drive around to see the sights in my college town. That was OK and different until I realized that all he really wanted was to hook up. I know that’s kind of how it is these days, but I would like more than casual sex. Turns out, he was cheaper than most in that he didn’t spend one dollar on me before sex -- well, except for however much gas he used. I can’t be mad at him. I did it, but I don’t like it. I want more. -- No More Hookups

DEAR NO MORE HOOKUPS: Set your priorities clearly for yourself and make them known to anyone you may potentially date. You probably have to look beyond dating apps as most people say they are best for casual encounters these days. Go back to the old-fashioned way of putting yourself out there in social settings and meeting new people. Don’t do more than you feel comfortable doing, regardless of what your suitor says. Tell a date early on what you are looking for in your life, and find out if your desires match or are even close. If they are not, walk away before you catch feelings for someone who does not share your interests. (Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)