DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 75-year-old woman who has lived in the same charming walk-up apartment in New York City for more than 40 years. This place has seen me through marriage, motherhood, widowhood and every season of my life. Recently, the three flights of stairs have become almost impossible for me to manage. My knees ache, I get winded easily and I find myself dreading leaving the apartment because I know I’ll have to climb back up. My doctor has recommended I look for housing with an elevator or move closer to family, but the thought of leaving my neighborhood, my friends, my routines, my sense of independence -- well, it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine myself anywhere else. At the same time, I know staying here isn’t sustainable or safe. I’ve even tripped once or twice on the stairs, which scared me more than I’d like to admit.

I feel stuck between practicality and the emotional attachment I have to the place I’ve called home for nearly half my life. I don’t want to lose my independence, but I also don’t want a fall or to have health issue force a decision I didn’t make intentionally. How do I make peace with the idea of leaving the home I love, and how do I know when it’s truly time to go? -- What Is Home?

DEAR WHAT IS HOME?: When my mother was about to move out of our family home where she had lived for more than 30 years, she told us that wherever she went was where home was. I’ve never forgotten that concept. As hard as it may be to leave the familiar, trust that you can bring home with you -- your spirit, your thoughtfulness, yourself. It may be bumpy at first, but I would highly recommend you find a safer place to live as soon as possible and build community there. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and my sibling and I go back and forth to each of their homes. We recently went on vacation with my dad and learned from him that one of his pieces of luggage had inadvertently been left at my mom’s house. I guess one of us grabbed it and took it with us. He wants it back, but I don’t have a way to get it to him, and my parents don’t speak. In a way, it’s not a big deal -- we always shared luggage when we lived together as a family, and a piece that matches our family set just ended up in the wrong place -- but it’s weird that he feels he can’t come over and just get it. Divorce is so awkward. Do I need to tell my mother to give him back his bag? -- Managing Divorce

DEAR MANAGING DIVORCE: If the luggage belongs to your dad, just have it with you the next time you see each other. If he needs it sooner, he can fetch it himself. Don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t. Navigating the ins and outs of divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but you can do it. Let this be a simple one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend really upset me recently. We made plans to go out to a restaurant that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks; it was special to me, and he knew how excited I was. The day before our reservation, he canceled because he “forgot” he had plans with a friend to go to some EDM event. Not only did he cancel at the last minute, but he didn’t make any effort to reschedule or acknowledge how disappointing that was. Now it’s been four days with no communication at all, and I’m sitting here feeling like an afterthought.

I’m a woman in my 30s, and I’m too old to date a man who acts like he barely likes me or can’t prioritize our relationship. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who doesn’t show up emotionally or follow through. If he does reach out, I’m torn. Should I ghost him and protect my peace? Should I have a real conversation about how his behavior made me feel and see if there’s any hope in fixing things? Or should I be clear that I’m no longer interested and walk away for good? I’m struggling to figure out what the healthiest option is for me. -- Is He Worth It?

DEAR IS HE WORTH IT?: Be the adult here and make the effort to nip it in the bud. Reach out and tell him you need to talk. When you speak -- preferably in person -- tell him how disappointed you are in how he treated you. Go for the big picture. Ask him what he wants from your relationship. Tell him what you want. If he is unwilling or unable to step up, that’s your cue to walk.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I tend to speak my mind -- I blurt out whatever I’m thinking. It gets worse when I am tired. The other day, I hung out late with friends and had to work the next day. A co-worker did something stupid, and I snapped at her. I had no patience for her, though often I do. I think I hurt her feelings even though what she did was ignorant. Should I apologize to her? What can I do to keep things to myself more? -- Bite My Tongue

DEAR BITE MY TONGUE: You should pull your co-worker aside and apologize for being harsh. Explain that you were on a short fuse that day and didn’t mean to snap at her. It doesn’t matter whether she was wrong -- it will be kind for you to acknowledge your short temper.

In general, you already know that you need to get ample rest. Some people function well for a while even when they are tired. You are not one of those people. Take care of yourself to ensure that you do not cause backlash because of your lack of control. Other things you can do in the moment include taking a deep breath before you speak and considering if this is the best thing for you to say right now.

I learned something from the poet Rumi called “The Four Gateways of Speech” that might help you. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it timely? Is it kind? Don’t speak until the answer to each of those questions is yes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My colleague has a tendency to be unapologetically late, and I can’t stand it! We’ve traveled together in the past for work, and I have seen firsthand how careless he can be with his time -- even for work functions.

We are more friends than colleagues now, so as I began planning a birthday trip for myself, I had to decide if I wanted him there. Despite my reservations, I invited him to celebrate with me. During the trip, he held up the group on two specific occasions. One time he even caused us to miss a reservation completely. I still enjoyed the trip overall, but he never even had the decency to apologize to my other friends. How can I address this issue with him? I love him, but I shouldn’t have to put up with this going forward. -- Poor Tendencies

DEAR POOR TENDENCIES: I’m sorry, but you can’t blame your friend for being himself. If you have fretted over his lateness to yourself (or others) but have not talked to him about it, you can’t expect him to even know that you are upset about it. He is late. What consequences has he had to endure because of it?

You invited him to come to your birthday knowing that he would probably be late but without talking to him about it. This is on you. Yes, you can talk to him, but be mindful not to blow up and tell him about all of the years of being late that have impacted you. You might even apologize for not addressing this in the past. Then tell him that his lateness is a problem for you and it negatively impacted your trip. Ask him to try to do better.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my children are not speaking to each other. As far as they’ve told me, they’re in a spat over money, and I’m worried. My older daughter got into a car accident while driving my younger daughter’s car. The damage amounted to a few thousand dollars, and my older daughter did not want to pay for it. I offered to cover the expenses in hopes that it would settle the dust between them, but it didn’t. My youngest feels that her sister should’ve at least offered to help cover the costs and accuses her sister of always being careless. She told me that she’s tired of “always having to clean up her messes.” I’ve reminded her that a car accident could have happened to anyone, but she hasn’t budged. I don’t want my girls fighting or not talking to each other. Is there something else I can do to mediate more effectively? -- Middle Man

DEAR MIDDLE MAN: Why are you ready to sweep your older daughter’s irresponsibility under the rug? If she had an accident, she should pay for it. Her sister is absolutely right about this. It is time to hold your older daughter accountable. Has this type of thing happened before? Perhaps your youngest daughter is fed up with you taking care of her sister’s mistakes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)