DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my friends are extremely cheap, and it’s getting to the point where it’s hard to enjoy doing anything with them. We all live in New York City, and as you know, the cost of simply existing here is high. Yet they complain about every price tag, subway fare or coffee that costs more than $3, even splitting an Uber when it’s pouring outside. The other night we went to a casual restaurant where the average entree was around $20, which, for NYC, is honestly pretty reasonable. They acted like the prices were outrageous and spent half the meal whispering about how “expensive” everything was. It was uncomfortable, and I felt guilty ordering what I wanted.

I understand wanting to save money, but their constant complaining makes any outing feel stressful and joyless. I end up feeling like the bad guy for wanting to do normal things that aren’t dirt cheap. I’ve tried suggesting more affordable spots, but even then, they nitpick. It’s starting to feel like I either have to limit what I do or limit my time with them. I really care about them, but I’m exhausted from always having to consider their financial grumbling. How do I bring this up without sounding insensitive or like I’m shaming them for budgeting? -- Too Cheap

DEAR TOO CHEAP: Could it be that your friends cannot afford to be in NYC? You all are living and working here. How different are your incomes? They could just be complainers -- or they may truly not be able to afford life in the city.

You may need to decide that you will do super affordable things when you spend time with them and expand your circle to explore pricier experiences with different people. What’s great about NYC is how dynamic it is. You can find ways to explore your more-expensive interests with other people while remaining friends with these two, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I complain about my husband too much. I was just talking to my sister when he did something in the background that annoyed me, and I reacted. She then said she was amazed that I am still married to him, given that I have nothing good to say about him at all. I don’t mean to talk about him badly, but he is not nice to me, and I’m fed up. At the same time, I cannot afford to leave him. We barely have enough money together to pay our bills, and we are close to retirement age. I don’t know how I would survive if I left him now. Still, she got me thinking. What can I do differently so that I’m not constantly complaining? -- No Joy

DEAR NO JOY: Decide that you are going to be happy and that you are going to find a source of joy each day. Include him in that search for joy. What kind words can you offer him? What genuine compliment can you offer him? What expression of gratitude can you include him in? Be vigilant about choosing to recognize and nurture joy in your life. Catch yourself before complaints come spewing out of your mouth. Practice expressing gratitude, and watch to see if your relationship softens at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend expects me to handle every single detail whenever we hang out: choosing the activity, making the reservations, checking hours and figuring out travel time. The moment we decide to do something, she defaults to, “You pick!” or “Just tell me where to go!” I’ve told her multiple times, in clear and honest ways, that I don’t enjoy being the one in charge of all the planning every time. I’ve explained that it stresses me out because I feel responsible for making sure everything goes smoothly, and it would really help if we could take turns or at least decide things together. She laughs it off, says I’m “better at it” and continues to lean on me like it’s my permanent role in our friendship.

At this point, hanging out sometimes feels less like spending time with a friend and more like coordinating an event for someone who won’t lift a finger to help. I love her and enjoy our time together, but I’m starting to feel taken for granted and mentally exhausted before we even meet up. I don’t want to be harsh, but I don’t know how to make her understand that this isn’t sustainable for me. How do I get her to take my feelings seriously and step up so our friendship feels like an equal partnership, not a one-sided planning committee? -- Step It Up

DEAR STEP IT UP: Be willing to have your next adventure fail. Tell her you aren’t going to plan anything. Ask her to take the reins to make it happen. Leave everything to her other than your agreed-upon time and place to meet. Resist jumping in to make anything happen. See if she rises to the occasion.

If she does not, address the disaster that you are facing. Tell her that if she is unwilling to do anything to make your activities together happen, you cannot continue to participate. Hopefully, this will get her to make an effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This entire year has been a struggle for me. I’m a freelancer, and business is down dramatically. I can hardly pay my bills. I rarely talk about it, but the holidays are approaching, and I cannot show up the way I usually do with gifts for everyone. I barely have the cash to get to my hometown to be with the family.

The thing is, everyone thinks of me as the successful one, the one who moved to the big city and made it. I haven’t made a thing this year other than more debt. How can I manage expectations with family without having to explain my situation? I just want to be with them. I don’t want to be interrogated. -- Lean Times

DEAR LEAN TIMES: Contact the member of your family you are closest to and explain your situation -- at least the key points. Share that you are excited to see them, but you can’t play Santa this year. Times are tight, and you just don’t have it. If you can, bring something for the young children in the family. If that’s out of reach, don’t sweat that either. Your presence will certainly make your family happy. You have to be OK with that. Your attitude can serve as their guide.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was coming up out of the subway the other day when a man spoke to me from behind. He complimented me on my outfit and then looked at me. He remarked that he had thought I was someone else -- a prominent woman in our city. It was a compliment in that regard, but a little jarring, too. This woman is much larger than I am -- at least I think so. It got me thinking about whether I have a realistic sense of my size. I know I have gained weight in recent years, but this other woman is obese. Is that how people see me? Is that true about me? My head started spinning. It really has nothing to do with the other woman; I like her a lot. It is more of a wake-up call to me. I have been so busy that I rarely exercise or do anything for my health. It’s past time to take action. How can I start? -- Inertia

DEAR INERTIA: Maybe that moment is the jump-start you’ve been waiting for. Chances are, that person who saw you was thinking less about size and more about stature when he thought you were that other woman. I doubt he was dissing you.

It is good that the interaction woke you up. If you know you need to work on your fitness, use this moment as a catalyst to start moving. Commit to taking a rigorous walk daily. Join a gym. Get a physical to check your overall health. Move!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every year, my family does a secret Santa, and every single year my sister-in-law completely ignores the $30 limit and buys extravagant designer wallets, luxury handbags, perfume sets worth over $100 ... you name it! The rest of us try to stick to the budget because we agreed to keep things simple and affordable for everyone, but her gifts always end up being the “big reveal” of the night, and it makes the rest of us look like we didn’t put in any effort at all, even though we’re following the rules. It’s gotten to the point where people feel embarrassed opening their gifts after hers, and a few relatives have started hinting that maybe they should spend more, too, which totally defeats the purpose. Secret Santa is supposed to be fun and low-pressure, not a competition or a display of who can give the flashiest present. I appreciate her generosity, but it’s creating tension and raising expectations in a way that makes the whole exchange awkward. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, confrontational or like I’m nitpicking right before the holidays. I also don’t want to make her feel bad for being thoughtful. But something must be said before this becomes an even bigger issue. -- Too Much

DEAR TOO MUCH: Take your sister-in-law aside and acknowledge her generosity as you also point out that she has consistently broken the rules. As lovely as her gifts are, they never fall within the agreed-upon price cap. Encourage her to take on the challenge for this particular gift exchange. What can she find for her recipient that is creative and perfect for them but doesn’t blow the budget? That’s the way to do Secret Santa. Challenge her to do that this year.

If she wants to get someone a bigger gift, too, she can go for it -- separately, away from the group. Push her to play by the rules. Everyone will be happier.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)