DEAR HARRIETTE: I was coming up out of the subway the other day when a man spoke to me from behind. He complimented me on my outfit and then looked at me. He remarked that he had thought I was someone else -- a prominent woman in our city. It was a compliment in that regard, but a little jarring, too. This woman is much larger than I am -- at least I think so. It got me thinking about whether I have a realistic sense of my size. I know I have gained weight in recent years, but this other woman is obese. Is that how people see me? Is that true about me? My head started spinning. It really has nothing to do with the other woman; I like her a lot. It is more of a wake-up call to me. I have been so busy that I rarely exercise or do anything for my health. It’s past time to take action. How can I start? -- Inertia

DEAR INERTIA: Maybe that moment is the jump-start you’ve been waiting for. Chances are, that person who saw you was thinking less about size and more about stature when he thought you were that other woman. I doubt he was dissing you.

It is good that the interaction woke you up. If you know you need to work on your fitness, use this moment as a catalyst to start moving. Commit to taking a rigorous walk daily. Join a gym. Get a physical to check your overall health. Move!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every year, my family does a secret Santa, and every single year my sister-in-law completely ignores the $30 limit and buys extravagant designer wallets, luxury handbags, perfume sets worth over $100 ... you name it! The rest of us try to stick to the budget because we agreed to keep things simple and affordable for everyone, but her gifts always end up being the “big reveal” of the night, and it makes the rest of us look like we didn’t put in any effort at all, even though we’re following the rules. It’s gotten to the point where people feel embarrassed opening their gifts after hers, and a few relatives have started hinting that maybe they should spend more, too, which totally defeats the purpose. Secret Santa is supposed to be fun and low-pressure, not a competition or a display of who can give the flashiest present. I appreciate her generosity, but it’s creating tension and raising expectations in a way that makes the whole exchange awkward. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, confrontational or like I’m nitpicking right before the holidays. I also don’t want to make her feel bad for being thoughtful. But something must be said before this becomes an even bigger issue. -- Too Much

DEAR TOO MUCH: Take your sister-in-law aside and acknowledge her generosity as you also point out that she has consistently broken the rules. As lovely as her gifts are, they never fall within the agreed-upon price cap. Encourage her to take on the challenge for this particular gift exchange. What can she find for her recipient that is creative and perfect for them but doesn’t blow the budget? That’s the way to do Secret Santa. Challenge her to do that this year.

If she wants to get someone a bigger gift, too, she can go for it -- separately, away from the group. Push her to play by the rules. Everyone will be happier.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother passed away a few months ago, and I miss her so much. I was going through my phone recently and came upon some audio recordings of her talking about her life. Her voice sounds weak, but it was so nice hearing her tell her stories. It was bittersweet, though, as listening to her reminds me of the fact that I can’t hug her or talk to her anymore. Still, I loved hearing her voice.

I want to share these recordings of my mom with my siblings. I do wonder, though, if it will make them have a wave of emotions just as I did. Would it be insensitive of me to do that? How should I address this so that I can be as thoughtful as possible? -- Mama’s Voice

DEAR MAMA’S VOICE: You are so fortunate to have found these recordings! Be sure to preserve them so that you will have them for many years to come. At the very least, transfer them from your phone and put them on a hard drive or cloud storage so that you have a copy you can access if something were to happen to your phone. Before sharing, listen to make sure everything is appropriate and relevant. For example, you might not share one if the sound quality is bad and you can’t decipher the words or if it is redundant or reveals a tender moment that might be better not to relive.

Send a note to your siblings or call them individually and let them know what you found. Speak of the recordings you have found and ask whether they would like to hear them. Send them to the ones who want them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been getting close to a man for the past year and a half, and the other day we had a big blow-up. I didn’t like the lax way that he was responding to me, and I wrote him a note saying as much. He got angry and accused me of speaking to him like he was my child. When I attempted to address the issue at hand -- namely, his unresponsiveness -- he got madder. Next thing you know, he had blocked me on social media, knocked me off of a shared email address that we had and summarily ghosted me. I did not expect this. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. I have walked past places where we used to see each other, but he hasn’t been there. I know I should just walk away, but my heart hurts. How could he do that? He’s a grown man. Why wouldn’t he talk to me about the situation rather than completely shut me out? -- Dumped

DEAR DUMPED: Whatever his rationale, this man has made it clear to you that he is done. For him, the relationship is over. Stand down. Do not humiliate yourself by attempting to reconnect with him. Who knows why he reacted so intensely? Sometimes you don’t get an answer when it comes to people’s behavior, but his message couldn’t be clearer: He doesn’t want to talk to you, interact with you or be with you. I’m sorry, but you need to accept this and walk away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter graduated from college a few months ago. She got her first career job and decided to move out. I advised her to stay at my home a while longer and use the opportunity to save some money, but she wanted to be on her own, so I supported her decision. Recently, I decided that I might use her bedroom as a sewing space. I set up two desks and a small shelving unit. I shared the news with my daughter, and she was offended. She keeps saying that she’s barely left and I’m pushing her out. I haven’t removed any of her furniture; her bed and knickknacks are still in place for whenever she wants to visit.

I tried to remind my daughter that I never wanted her to leave in the first place, but apparently that doesn’t mean much now that I’ve taken over her room. How do I reassure my daughter that despite the addition of a sewing table, there will always be room for her here? -- Taking Over

DEAR TAKING OVER: Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty. Your daughter made her decision, and you have made yours. Honestly, it is even OK for you to put her knickknacks away and turn the room fully into your sewing room. Leaving a bed there for her to sleep in when she visits is practical and kind and will assure her that she is welcome and remembered. You can remain a safety net for her without allowing her to hold your house hostage.

You can do this with compassion. It was a big deal for her to move out, and she is showing you her fear of cutting this cord, so to speak. Assure her that you will always be there for her. You are proud of her courage to go out there on her own, and she is always welcome to come home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have twin sons who are in college at different schools. They are good kids but a bit young for their age. I don’t think either of them has ever dated. I have always taught them that they should have enough money to take a woman out on a date, and right now they aren’t working. I offered to give them some cash to help them in case they do want to take someone on a date, but so far neither has taken me up on it. Have I done something wrong as a mother? Why are they so delayed? -- Arrested Development

DEAR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Everyone matures at their own pace. There is nothing you can do to quicken it, nor should you try. Give your sons space to get their education and build their lives. You can encourage them to meet people and make friends, but there’s no reason to push them into anyone’s arms until they are ready. If they seem content in their lives, let them be. Keep the conversation open so that you learn if there is someone interesting to either of them. Trust that in time someone special may come along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)