DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a very one-sided friendship. My friend has been out of work for an extended period and is suffering as a result. I have gone out of my way to help by setting up a job search online and monitoring it (he has no computer), by occasionally giving him cash when he needs to buy food and by being as supportive as I can.

The other day I wanted to talk to him about some things that are going on with me, and when I asked him to get together to talk, he said he was busy. I got mad and spouted off that it’s not fair that I’m there for him all the time, but he can’t be there for me when I need him. I said all this in a text, and he blew up, accusing me of saying he is taking advantage of me. That is not what I said. I did say that I show up ASAP when he needs me, while he doesn’t seem to have time when I need him. We aren’t speaking now. I can’t figure out how I am the bad guy. I am the one who has had his back for months now. What can I do to repair this friendship? I know he’s suffering and in a vulnerable place, but I deserve attention, too. -- Misunderstanding

DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING: Sometimes when people are in extreme situations like prolonged unemployment and financial distress, they don’t have the capacity to be there for others. Their view of the world can get distorted based on their dire situation. Your friend may be in the position of not being able to be there for you. His retaliatory reaction may be self-preservation.

That doesn’t mean it’s OK; it means you will not likely be able to get your emotional needs fulfilled by him right now. Stop trying.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I see a certain friend of mine, she finds something to criticize about me. Often, she exclaims how big my shoes look. Well, I am tall and have big feet, but I don’t appreciate having that pointed out all the time. I never criticize how she looks. I fear she is anorexic. Every time I see her, I worry that she is killing herself, yet I bite my tongue. She is so frail. Why is it that she feels she has license to poke at me? How can I get her to stop? -- No More Jabs

DEAR NO MORE JABS: Have you ever asked her to stop? She may not know that her comments upset you. Next time she says something that you don’t like, stop her in the moment. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she points out your vulnerabilities. You can add that you never do that to her, but don’t elaborate by speaking of your suspicions. Mentioning someone's big feet is not the same as criticizing someone’s eating disorder.

Separately, if you are concerned about her health, bring up the subject of her weight, and ask her if she thinks she might need help. Tell her you love her and want the best for her and that you are worried that she needs support she may not be getting right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been living in my apartment for over a year, and I really love it: the location, the space, my neighbors and the fact that the rent is so cheap. The only problem is my landlord. Every time I submit a maintenance request, it takes weeks for anything to get fixed. I’ve had leaky faucets, a broken heater in the middle of winter, and now a dishwasher that hasn’t worked for over a month. When I follow up, I either get vague responses or get ignored completely. I’ve tried to be patient and polite, but it’s starting to feel like my concerns don’t matter. I’ve even offered to find my own repairperson and deduct it from rent, but I was told that’s “not allowed.”

I pay my rent on time every month and have never caused any issues, so it’s frustrating to feel like I’m being brushed off. I really don’t want to jeopardize my lease renewal or come across as a “problem tenant,” but this is starting to affect my comfort and peace of mind in a serious way. How can I advocate for myself and push to get these repairs handled promptly without risking my good standing with my landlord or losing an apartment I otherwise love? -- Landlord Concerns

DEAR LANDLORD CONCERNS: Now is the time to get the help of your city. You can call 311 and report your landlord. Have a list handy of all of your issues. Make sure to articulate your concerns clearly and be able to prove that they have not been addressed. Gather any texts or written messages that exist between you and your landlord to serve as proof of your claims.

Sometimes tenants can put their rent in an escrow account, meaning it doesn’t go to the landlord immediately but is withheld and stored in a safe place until repairs are made. Consult a lawyer before taking that step, however. You do have rights. Don’t let your landlord intimidate you. Get help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law invited me to join her for her bachelorette trip to the Virgin Islands. While I didn’t want to miss out on a trip to the Caribbean, I was a little hesitant because I really don’t know any of her friends. Eventually, she ended up telling me I could bring a plus-one if I’d like. I took her up on her offer and invited a friend of mine who had been telling me how much she needed a getaway. Though we’re close, I had never traveled with this friend either ... and I don’t think I ever will again. She put a damper on the entire trip. She complained about work, the food, the heat, her dog, her co-workers, the sand, the excursions and even her creaky back door back at home.

I felt horrible for bringing this dark cloud to what was supposed to be a fun-filled trip. My sister-in-law reassured me that she still enjoyed herself, but I feel awful! How can I make it up to her? -- Party Pooper

DEAR PARTY POOPER: What a drag. It’s good that you apologized on behalf of your ill-mannered friend. There really is nothing more you can do. Your sister-in-law knows your remorse is heartfelt. Stop bringing it up and let the memory fade.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s boyfriend and I got into a heated argument at a dinner party. He made a joke about me being a drama queen and gossiping too much. At first, it was funny, but then it felt like he was bringing up situations that I had spoken about with his girlfriend in confidence. Despite his dwelling on this untimely joke, my friend remained quiet, not even nudging her boyfriend to quit.

I was ticked, so I asked him why he felt comfortable bringing all this up in front of a large group of people. At that point, it was clear that the conversation was no longer playful and some lines had been crossed. My friend finally decided to cut in, but instead of defusing, she was defending her boyfriend and saying I had no right to pick a fight with him. I feel a bit deceived by my friend. I know that partners will often engage in pillow talk, but I never expected it to be thrown in my face this way. Should I talk to my friend about how things escalated? -- Drama Queen

DEAR DRAMA QUEEN: Yes, you should speak to your friend. Tell her how hurt you were to hear her boyfriend spew confidences that you had shared with her. Explain that you were surprised when she didn’t nudge him to stop but instead reprimanded you when you tried to get him to change the subject.

Moving forward, don’t tell her anything you don’t want him to know. More important, understand that she is not going to have your back. It seems that relationship has changed now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my students is struggling socially. He is a bright young boy with a big personality, but when he’s around other students, he retreats. According to some of the other teachers, he may have experienced bullying last school year and has been a lot less interactive since then. I tried meeting with his parents about it, explaining that he seems anxious and often spends time alone during lunch or after school. His father's position is that as long as his son is doing well academically, he doesn’t see an issue. How can I get this student to let his guard down with other kids? I want him to know that school is a safe space, contrary to what he may have experienced last year. -- Social Struggles

DEAR SOCIAL STRUGGLES: You cannot guarantee that school will be a safe space for this child, so don’t promise that. You can encourage him to identify new friends who might share his interests. Suggest that he join a club or other group whose focus appeals to him. He may make friends in one of those groups. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs to talk. If he ever mentions his relationships with other students, listen carefully but don’t try to fix things. Just hear him out. Being present for this student consistently is something he will notice and likely appreciate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)