DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like a hopeless romantic. I am what some people would describe as a “lover girl.” I am sweet and sensitive, and I enjoy nurturing, helping and catering to my loved ones. What I thought was a beautiful trait in me seems to be my weakness. I often get taken advantage of by my romantic partners. I can’t tell if I am too soft or kind, or if I am picking the wrong partners who are just not as loving as me. My best girlfriends have been encouraging me to be tougher with the men I date, saying that in their experiences, their nonchalant, stern or even unimpressed demeanors garnered more attention from their suitors. That doesn’t feel natural to me. Why do I have to be mean for someone to appreciate my love? Is there a way to still be myself but uphold stronger boundaries? -- Lover Girl

DEAR LOVER GIRL: Instead of planning a personality change, which is both extremely hard to accomplish and not how you should live your life, make a list of the traits and behaviors that you appreciate in a partner and those you don’t. Be as clear and specific as possible. When you meet potential partners, take your time getting to know them, and be mindful of how they measure up to your list. If they exhibit tendencies to be unkind, manipulative or condescending, move on. State who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship up front. You can even explain that you have been hurt in the past, and you want to avoid that now. Moreover, state what you want and see if you can attract that.

Obviously, you also need to be clear about your boundaries. You can be nice while saying no when someone attempts to cross a line.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am moving away from my hometown to a brand-new city hours away. I’ve lived here my whole life, and most of my friends are people I grew up with. I am 33 years old, and as I gear up to leave home for the first time ever, part of me expected bigger reactions from my loved ones. A few of my closest friends have expressed their disdain -- paired with joy for me of course -- but a lot of people seem unbothered by the fact that I won’t be here anymore. One of my best friends hasn’t really been present during the process of me finding a new home and job. Now that things are finalized and I’m three weeks away from moving, she’s still giving me a hard time about scheduling time to see each other before I go. We’ve been best friends since we were 16. What should I make of this? -- Moving Away

DEAR MOVING AWAY: Your friend could be sad about your departure and unclear how to process it, or she could just be living her life. Rather than being hurt by what your friends are not doing, plan your life ahead. You are about to embark on a new chapter that requires you to be adventurous and willing to step out of your comfort zone. Focus on the journey before you. Do your best not to be upset about the way that your loved ones react. Thanks to technology, you will be able to stay in touch with them. Look forward with confidence.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I’ve been thinking about cutting ties with for a while now, but I feel conflicted about it. I’ve noticed that the way he treats people, including me, is questionable. Whenever I need help or support, he seems to be conveniently busy or unavailable, yet he expects everyone else to drop what they’re doing to be there for him. The way he speaks to people can be rude and dismissive, and he often communicates in a way that feels condescending. On top of that, he lies a lot, and it’s hard to tell when he’s being truthful. It’s exhausting to be around someone like that, and I don’t feel like the friendship adds anything positive to my life anymore. The problem is that he’s also close with my sister, and I don’t want to create unnecessary tension or awkwardness between us if I stop talking to him.

I’ve thought about confronting this friend, but I don’t think he would respond well, and I’m tired of feeling like I have to tiptoe around his moods. At the same time, I don’t want my sister to feel like she has to choose between us or that I’m being unfair. How do I distance myself from this friendship without creating drama or making things weird for my sister? -- Bad Friend

DEAR BAD FRIEND: It sounds like this person might go away naturally if you don’t stay in touch. Why not simply stop engaging with him? You may not have to say anything at all. Don’t be available to him. As far as your sister is concerned, wait until she brings him up, and then you can decide if you want to tell her that you have had enough of him. It’s fine for you to say that you don’t want to be around him anymore and why, as you also give her space to be as close to him as she wants.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee and I are going strong, but she’s just been accepted to a Ph.D. program in another state. I always knew that she had applied to certain programs in different states, and I was OK with that. In the past few months, though, while awaiting her acceptance letters, my career skyrocketed. I was assigned two major accounts at work and nearly tripled their growth within a month. With that came a major promotion and trust with some of our top clients. Considering my fiancee’s plans -- plans that she’s been hatching for the past few years -- I wonder if my sudden growth at work is as important. Should I leave my job now and move with my fiancee as planned, or should I propose going long distance while she starts off her program? I want to honor my career while still respecting hers and our previous agreement. I don’t want our separate paths to come between us. -- Split Decision

DEAR SPLIT DECISION: Ultimately, the two of you must come to an agreement, but if you think you can swing it, giving both of you space to build your careers seems viable. Perhaps you should stay put and grow your career as she immerses herself in hers -- at least for an agreed-upon period of time. Many couples manage long distance as long as they map it out and remain committed. Talk it over and see where you land -- together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally referred to my friend with the wrong pronouns, and they snapped at me! We’ve been friends for nearly a year now, but I introduced them to some new friends and used the pronoun “she” to describe something about them. I felt awful. Just as quickly as I was about to correct myself, they were already yelling at me. They lost it. They accused me of not caring enough after a year of building friendship -- that is not the case at all! Although I was thoroughly embarrassed, I know that reaction was probably really a result of them encountering many people who truly don’t care. I want my friend to know that I am not one of those people. Their pronouns do matter to me. I will admit, though, that I have a bad habit of assuming people’s pronouns based on their appearance. How can I be more mindful of people’s preferred pronouns? Any tips? -- Pronouns Matter

DEAR PRONOUNS MATTER: The easiest way to be neutral about pronouns is to refer to people as “they.” That is hard for me as I am a strict grammarian, and it feels against the rules for me to say they when referring to one person. That said, when you truly care about someone and want to be respectful of how they refer to themselves, you can default to "they" or pause and try to remember what they call themselves. That mini pause may be able to get you in alignment. Hopefully your friend, whoever they may be, will see the effort that you are making.

While it is important to address people in the way they prefer, what’s more important is to show your love and respect for them. It sounds like your friend is overly sensitive and took it out on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months now, and I thought things felt serious between us. Over the weekend, we were on our way to a date when her phone rang -- it was another guy. She answered the call out loud and told the person she was busy and would return his call later, but he called her “babe” as they were hanging up. I was so confused, and she could tell. She apologized for taking the call in front of me, and I lost my cool because I thought she should be apologizing for leading me on. Apparently, we were never explicit about being exclusive, and she has been dating other people.

I wasn’t up for a date after that news, so I found my way home. I really do like this girl and realize that maybe my misstep was not being up-front about my feelings sooner. Do you think it’s worth explaining that to her now, or are she and I on two different pages in terms of how we feel about each other? -- Dating Exclusively

DEAR DATING EXCLUSIVELY: If you like this woman, fight for her. Ask her to meet with you, and tell her that you would like to be exclusive. Admit that you were taken aback when another suitor called her but that you realized the two of you had never had that discussion. Ask her if she thinks there’s a chance for the two of you to build something special and, if so, whether she is willing to be exclusive with you while you figure it out. If she does not agree, then you will know what to do next.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)