DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student, and I have moved several hours away from home to attend my dream school in New York City. I feel guilty for moving away from my family, especially since for the majority of my life, it’s just been me, my mom and my little sister. My 10-year-old little sister keeps reminding me how much she misses me, and she tells me she can’t wait for me to come home. Sadly, I may not be able to return home at the holidays or over the summer, depending on my work and internship schedules. How do you think I should navigate this and explain why I may not be able to come home to my little sister, especially when I keep hearing stories from my mom and grandma about how much she cries over me? -- Guilty in NYC

DEAR GUILTY IN NYC: It was your mother’s job to prepare your sister for your eventual departure. I’m sorry she did not do that. Part of having children and getting them to maturity is making sure they will be OK on their own and that anyone still in the home will be fine when they leave. Clearly, that didn’t happen.

What you can do now is stay in contact with your sister on a regular basis. Let her know that you love her and will always be there for her -- but from a distance. Encourage her to continue with her life. Remind her to keep up with her extracurricular activities and explore anything else that may interest her. Encourage her to sign up for social engagements so that she fills her time with other activities. For your part, reassure her of how much you love her and that love exists even when you are not in the same place. Set up a regular video call, and keep her updated on your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends recently lost her father unexpectedly; she is going through it mentally. I have never lost someone before, and I want to be there for her during this rough time, but I don’t want to do or say anything insensitive since I have never been in her position. I was out of town for her father's service and was unable to be there for her then. I have purchased a card and flowers that I intend to give her, but what else can I do to be there and support her as a friend? Is there anything I should avoid doing or saying? -- Helping Friend

DEAR HELPING FRIEND: The best thing you can do is listen. When you bring her the card and flowers, tell her how sorry you are for her loss. Ask her how she is doing -- and listen to her answer. You can ask her about her father’s service and give her space to relive it by giving you a blow-by-blow of everything that happened. Say little as she goes through her memories. Be actively present by hearing all that she has to share with you, responding so she knows you are listening and just being there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I spent a weekend with friends my husband and I met on the beach a few years ago. We all really liked each other, so it felt natural to invite them to stay with us one weekend when a lot of mutual friends were gathering since they didn’t have a beach rental this year. It was great spending time with these new friends, but the husband smoked cigars constantly. He never smoked inside, but the smoke in the backyard wafted everywhere. I have asthma, and it really got to me. I didn’t realize how much smoke there was until I started coughing uncontrollably. It was not good.

I asked my friend not to smoke on the property because I couldn’t handle it. Next thing you know, they shortened their trip and left. I haven’t spoken to them since. I’m sorry if I came off as rude, but I couldn’t breathe. Is there something I should do or say to smooth things over? -- Smoke-Free

DEAR SMOKE-FREE: Since you genuinely like this couple and recognize that it was an unfortunate situation that led to mutual discomfort, reach out to them. Tell them that you enjoyed spending time with them and that you are sorry that it ended up awkward due to the cigar smoke and your asthma. Assure them that you didn’t realize you would have had such a violent reaction to the smoke. Add that you hope to see them sometime next summer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes me feel left out whenever we spend time together. She constantly talks about the things she does with her other friends, the trips they’ve taken, the inside jokes they share and all the fun outings they’ve had without me. She’ll go into detail about how great those times were, and while I try to listen politely, it makes me feel sad and excluded. It feels like she has a lot more fun with them than she ever does with me, and I start to question whether she even values our friendship. I don’t know if she’s doing this on purpose or if she’s just oblivious to how her words make me feel. Part of me wants to bring it up, but I’m worried about sounding jealous or insecure. At the same time, it’s exhausting to hang out with someone who constantly reminds me of how much closer she seems to be with other people. How do I tell her that her behavior hurts me without ruining the friendship? If she doesn’t change, do I need to rethink whether this friendship is good for me? -- Not a Friend

DEAR NOT A FRIEND: By all means, speak up and tell this woman that you have had your fill of stories about her other friends. Suggest that you two create your own memories together or, if her interests do lie squarely with those other people, she should do both of you a favor and stick with them. It may sound harsh, but she needs some cold water in the face. You should not have to endure her going down memory lane about other people every time she sees you. Stop that now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in the middle of a career pivot. For many years, I worked in corporate offices behind the scenes in operations. I still do that now in a more creative industry. In this role, I get to show my personal interests, style and creative capabilities a lot more. As a result, a lot of people have been telling me that I should step away from being behind the scenes and start putting myself out there. I’ve always been in a supportive role, and I worry that I’m not ready to come out of my shell. In the same breath, I know I have great potential and I’m only delaying my growth by allowing fear to guide me. Do you have any advice for someone trying to step out of their comfort zone professionally or establish their voice in a creative industry? -- Comfort Zone

DEAR COMFORT ZONE: Many people take public speaking or improv courses or even sing (sober) karaoke to get them to break out of their comfort zone. You might want to enroll in Toastmasters, an organization that teaches confidence-building and articulation. The point is to engage in ways that will help you push past your insecurities.

Network with the creative people at your company. Find out what kinds of projects they might need help with, and offer your services. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Back in February, I moved to a new neighborhood that’s far from where a lot of my friends live. It was winter, and I spent a lot of time alone making my house a home. In May, a friend from another state moved here, and she lives about 15 minutes away from me. When I heard the news, I felt such joy and relief, but since she’s been here, we haven’t hung out much -- despite my invitations. She seems busy with work and with her own personal life. I’ve seen her make time to hang with some of our mutual friends, but for some reason, she hasn’t extended an invite to me. I tried to address it, but she said she didn’t think I’d be interested. I don’t like that she made that decision for me (on more than one occasion, I might add).

I’m trying to avoid focusing on the feelings of being left out and just put my energy into finding ways to take care of myself, even if that means doing so alone. How do I combat these feelings of loneliness and turn them into self-care or me-time that I can enjoy? -- Lonely

DEAR LONELY: Research neighboring towns that may be more social than where you live. Find out what activities are going on there in the evenings and on weekends. Sign up for classes. Go to the theater. Put yourself in environments with other people so that you can meet potential new friends.

Do not dwell on your former friends and associates who are not including you in their lives. Build your own life anew. The key is putting yourself out there. It will not work if you stay at home by yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)