DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I dated for about three years while we were in college. When we broke up, we maintained our friendship and shared many things, like our friend group. Fast-forward to the present day -- five years post-college -- and we are still in the same friend circle, but it’s becoming an issue. I started dating someone recently who went to our college. While she knows my ex, they are not really friends and have never been close. Even though I thought it was OK to date this person, I was not upfront with my ex, and she found out while we were all at a birthday celebration. She was shocked, to say the least, and left abruptly, claiming that my new girlfriend and I embarrassed her and should have given her a heads-up. I feel like I'm still trapped in a relationship that I haven’t been in for years! Do I really owe my ex an explanation on who’s new in my love life? How do I set boundaries without bruising the integrity of our friendship? -- New Flame

DEAR NEW FLAME: Something inside of you told you that this might be an awkward situation -- that’s why you didn’t tell your ex about your new love interest in the first place. Since you decided to stay in communication with your ex for all these years, it would have been kind to let her know that you are dating someone she knows.

You should apologize to her. Speak to her privately and let her know that you had no intention of upsetting or unsettling her. You realize it would have been thoughtful for you to tell her about your new girlfriend, but it is important to you that you have the freedom to be with whoever you want -- as it should be for her, as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am experiencing a financial rough patch. I’ve been working as a freelancer and doing some odd jobs on the side to secure income. Recently, while at a friends-and-family gathering, I received an email asking if I were available to come in and work an event that night. I agreed. I would have to leave my family gathering a bit early, but I’d been at the event for three hours at that point. When I announced that I had to leave earlier than expected, my sister spent the rest of the evening complaining. Why was I leaving? Why did I even want to work that job? Why was I ditching her? It was frustrating. It is not my preference to miss out on family moments, but it was what I needed to do at the time. Having to carry the weight of someone else’s selfish needs makes everything harder. How can I manage my family’s expectations better? -- Putting Me First

DEAR PUTTING ME FIRST: Ask your sister to back off. Remind her that you love her and that the family and you show up whenever you can. When work calls -- especially during this time of financial uncertainty -- you must answer. You hope she can understand that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is incredibly generous when it comes to friends, family and even strangers, but when it comes to me, he’s surprisingly stingy, whether it’s time, attention or small gestures of affection. I feel unappreciated, hurt and confused because I don’t understand why I’m being treated differently, especially since I try to support and give to him in every way I can. I’ve thought about bringing it up, but I’m worried that if I do, it might come across as nagging or start an argument. At the same time, I don’t want to continue feeling undervalued in my own relationship. How can I talk to him honestly about how his behavior affects me without creating tension or making him feel attacked? I just want to feel seen and appreciated for once. I worry that if this continues, it could build resentment between us over time. -- Stingy Boyfriend

DEAR STINGY BOYFRIEND: This man doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend if he doesn’t treat you right. Speak up! Point out to him that you have noticed how generous and thoughtful he is with others and how attractive you find that in his personality. This makes it all the more perplexing that he does not afford you the same thoughtfulness and attention. Give him examples of times when you wish he had said or done something that acknowledged or supported you when he didn’t. Tell him it hurts your feelings when he seems to overlook your needs and desires. Ask him if he realizes he does this.

If he shrugs it off and diminishes your concerns, push back. Tell him you need him to take your feelings seriously. The way he responds will tell you all you need to know about whether he is the guy for you. Don’t stay if he is unwilling to shine some of his loving generosity directly on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been an attorney for about five years. I work at a tight-knit boutique firm representing major artists, entertainers and record labels. Since my career started, I have brought myriad new clients to the firm and exceeded my annual goals on a regular basis. It feels like my firm upholds a hierarchy that is less about performance or value and more about tenure. The people who have been at the firm longer feel entitled to all of the bigger clients, even if I am the one who brokered the relationship or scouted them out. I often feel undermined because some of the managing attorneys speak over me (and other young attorneys) during client meetings. And God forbid I make a mistake or miscommunicate with a client -- as opposed to constructive conversations, my manager is condescending. I tried giving feedback about the hostility that comes with this hierarchy they abide by, but my more seasoned colleagues accused my generation of being sensitive and assured me that it’s nothing they didn’t experience. I never expected that this kind of hazing would be prevalent in the professional world. Is this what it’s like for all young professionals across all industries? -- Corporate Ladder

DEAR CORPORATE LADDER: Every industry is different, but what’s happening to you isn’t right. Work on building relationships with individual leaders in your business so they get to know you and are exposed to your work ethic and results. Building and strengthening one-on-one relationships is the way to grow and defend yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate has a habit of leaving extremely specific, passive-aggressive notes all over our apartment about cleaning, dishes and other household chores. Some of the notes feel petty, while others make me feel like I’m being criticized or watched, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. I’ve tried picking up after myself, doing extra chores and even leaving polite replies or notes in return, but nothing seems to change their behavior. I’m tired of the constant tension building in what should be a relaxing home environment, but I also dread having a major confrontation that could make living together unbearable or create lasting resentment. How do I get my roommate to communicate like an adult, express their concerns directly and handle household responsibilities in a healthy way without escalating the passive-aggressive behavior or damaging our living situation? -- No More Post-Its

DEAR NO MORE POST-ITS: Ask your roommate to have a household meeting. At the meeting, point out that you have noticed the many notes all over your home with your roommate’s requests for work to be done. Push back. Explain that you do not appreciate the notes. You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space. Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards, and point out that you have been making an effort to step up and address the things they have pointed out. Firmly request that the notes stop. Suggest that you meet once a week to address any household concerns in person.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that a family member has been lying about having serious health issues in order to get sympathy and financial help from relatives. At first, I felt sorry for them and even contributed some money myself, but then I learned through another source that their health scare was completely fabricated. Now I feel both hurt and angry, not only because I was deceived, but also because other family members are still sacrificing their time and resources under false pretenses. Part of me feels like I should speak up and expose the truth before more people get taken advantage of, but I’m also worried that doing so will cause a huge rift in the family. I don’t want to be seen as the troublemaker, but I also don’t want to stand by and watch this go on. Should I confront them directly, tell the rest of the family or keep my distance and stay out of it? I’m also struggling with whether it’s even my place to intervene, since I don’t want to come across as self-righteous. At the same time, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect my loved ones from being manipulated further. -- Expose the Truth

DEAR EXPOSE THE TRUTH: To the best of your ability, go back and verify that this person is lying to the family. This is a serious accusation that should be confirmed. Then go directly to the person and reveal what you have learned. Share your horror at learning that this person is deceiving family members and basically stealing from them. Ask them to stop.

You shouldn't stop there, though. Go to this person’s parents or siblings and share what you have learned. This is a serious situation that needs to be addressed. Yes, people may get upset. That’s OK. The truth needs to come out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)