DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate has a habit of leaving extremely specific, passive-aggressive notes all over our apartment about cleaning, dishes and other household chores. Some of the notes feel petty, while others make me feel like I’m being criticized or watched, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. I’ve tried picking up after myself, doing extra chores and even leaving polite replies or notes in return, but nothing seems to change their behavior. I’m tired of the constant tension building in what should be a relaxing home environment, but I also dread having a major confrontation that could make living together unbearable or create lasting resentment. How do I get my roommate to communicate like an adult, express their concerns directly and handle household responsibilities in a healthy way without escalating the passive-aggressive behavior or damaging our living situation? -- No More Post-Its

DEAR NO MORE POST-ITS: Ask your roommate to have a household meeting. At the meeting, point out that you have noticed the many notes all over your home with your roommate’s requests for work to be done. Push back. Explain that you do not appreciate the notes. You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space. Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards, and point out that you have been making an effort to step up and address the things they have pointed out. Firmly request that the notes stop. Suggest that you meet once a week to address any household concerns in person.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that a family member has been lying about having serious health issues in order to get sympathy and financial help from relatives. At first, I felt sorry for them and even contributed some money myself, but then I learned through another source that their health scare was completely fabricated. Now I feel both hurt and angry, not only because I was deceived, but also because other family members are still sacrificing their time and resources under false pretenses. Part of me feels like I should speak up and expose the truth before more people get taken advantage of, but I’m also worried that doing so will cause a huge rift in the family. I don’t want to be seen as the troublemaker, but I also don’t want to stand by and watch this go on. Should I confront them directly, tell the rest of the family or keep my distance and stay out of it? I’m also struggling with whether it’s even my place to intervene, since I don’t want to come across as self-righteous. At the same time, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect my loved ones from being manipulated further. -- Expose the Truth

DEAR EXPOSE THE TRUTH: To the best of your ability, go back and verify that this person is lying to the family. This is a serious accusation that should be confirmed. Then go directly to the person and reveal what you have learned. Share your horror at learning that this person is deceiving family members and basically stealing from them. Ask them to stop.

You shouldn't stop there, though. Go to this person’s parents or siblings and share what you have learned. This is a serious situation that needs to be addressed. Yes, people may get upset. That’s OK. The truth needs to come out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, two of my friends produced a major event on behalf of their company. It was an opportunity to build audience engagement, introduce new products and network with other industry professionals. The event turned out beautifully, and they had a great turnout. Over the past month or so, I have expressly shared with these friends my desire to network more in order to seek out better work opportunities. Despite them knowing this, they did not extend an invitation to me. I didn’t think much of it because I assumed it may have been a closed guest list.

The day before the event, a colleague of theirs casually extended an invitation to me. I went and did my best not to assume the worst, but when I arrived, I saw all of our other close mutual friends and couldn’t help but feel offended. Why didn’t they invite me? Is it worth having a conversation with my friends about this? -- Left Out

DEAR LEFT OUT: You should definitely speak to your friends about your exclusion. Start by congratulating them on the success of their event. Let them know who invited you so they don’t think you crashed. Then ask them why they didn’t invite you themselves. Point out that you have let them know you are eager to broaden your network. Ask if there is something you have done that made them feel this wouldn’t be a good fit for you.

If it wasn’t an oversight and they intentionally did not include you while they did include most of your other friends, there must be a specific reason. Press them to tell you. Even if it hurts your feelings, it should provide insight into how they perceive you professionally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started going to therapy because I feel like my life has become a vicious cycle of negativity. My new therapist challenged me to create some distance between the life that I want and the life that I’ve had. That means hanging out with old friends less, making more of an effort to meet new ones, letting go of some old hobbies to explore new ones, detaching from my hometown and maybe even getting a new job. I know that I can be resistant to change at times, but isn’t this a bit drastic? Will I really find more joy in the world by ditching everything I am familiar with? I know you’re not a licensed therapist, but do you think all of these extreme changes can really help me to have a more positive outlook on life? -- Drastic Changes

DEAR DRASTIC CHANGES: It sounds like your therapist gave you a list of things that you can work on that will help change your demeanor and your opportunity to show up differently in your life. I doubt that they told you to do it all at once.

Don’t get overwhelmed. Choose something on the list and do that one thing. You can work on yourself one task at a time to see how you can expand your horizons and build more hope.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about six months now, and things have been going really well. The only issue is that while we both live in New York City, he lives in Brooklyn and I live in Washington Heights (Manhattan), and the commute is usually over an hour -- sometimes longer if the trains are delayed or rerouted, which happens more often than I’d like. We both have demanding work schedules, so coordinating time together can be tricky, and it feels like one of us is always sacrificing sleep or rearranging our routine just to make the trip across the city. On nights when I get home after midnight from visiting him, I wonder if I can realistically keep this up in the long term.

I genuinely care about my boyfriend and enjoy our time together, but the distance sometimes makes our relationship feel more like a logistical puzzle than something spontaneous and fun. Friends keep telling me that dating across boroughs is like dating long-distance, and I’m starting to see what they mean. Is it realistic to keep dating someone who lives so far away in this city, or am I setting myself up for future frustration? -- Dating Long-Distance

DEAR DATING LONG-DISTANCE: It’s all about perspective. Yes, it takes a big effort for you two to be together. The same is true for people who live across states, countries and oceans. While you may lose out on spontaneity, what you can gain from continuing to choose each other is a deepening of your relationship and figuring out if the effort is worth it. It may not sound like fun, but consider creating a schedule for when you will see each other. You don’t have to schedule what you’re going to do, just that you’ll be together.

At some point, you may also start thinking about how serious this relationship is and whether you want to take it to the next level, i.e., moving closer, living together or even marriage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have started dropping hints that when they retire, they’d like to move in with me. They say it would make financial sense for all of us and that it would be nice to have the family under one roof again. While I love them dearly and appreciate everything they’ve done for me, the truth is that I’ve always looked forward to having my own independent space. I worked hard to build a life where I can live on my own terms, and the idea of having my parents move in feels overwhelming. I also worry that if I say yes, it could strain our relationship in ways we haven’t experienced before. At the same time, I don’t want to hurt their feelings or come across as ungrateful after all the sacrifices they’ve made for me.

How do I set healthy boundaries and gently let them know that I’d prefer to keep my home separate without damaging our relationship? I want to be honest with them, but I’m afraid the conversation could create long-lasting tension. -- Moving In

DEAR MOVING IN: Think in the long term. When might you welcome your parents into your home? Would you let them live with you if they desperately needed assistance and couldn’t live on their own?

Counter their suggestion with a timeline. Remind them that they raised you to be independent, and you are enjoying that independent life now. Tell them that you want to live on your own and potentially have a family. Right now you do not like the idea of living with them again. Suggest that you all reevaluate this option later down the line.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)