DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are going through a rough patch, and I just don’t know what to do. He seems to believe that I am cheating on him.

This all started one night when I returned home pretty late from going out with a girlfriend who was visiting. It’s rare that I stay out late drinking or partying. My spouse knew exactly where I was going and who I’d be with, but when I got home, he demanded to see my phone. I allowed it because I thought he was being ridiculous. He didn’t find anything suspicious or incriminating, but he’s still been on edge with me since. He’s even been staying overnight at his parents’ place some nights claiming that “it was too late to drive home.”

I’m worried. I’ve tried pleading with him, letting him know there’s nothing going on, but now I fear that he’s just unhappy in our marriage and looking for a reason to leave. We tried a couple’s therapy session, but he refuses to return. I don’t know what to do. -- Rough Patch

DEAR ROUGH PATCH: Ask your husband to sit down and have a serious conversation with you. Ask him what is going on and what he wants. Tell him that you are concerned because it’s obvious that things are tense in your marriage, and you do not know how to fix it. Remind him that he accused you of cheating. Point out that you are not. Is he projecting? Ask him if he is seeing anyone. Tell him you want to get to the root of the problem, but you cannot fix a problem if you cannot name it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine asked me for a referral at my company. About a year and a half ago, she dropped out of college toward the end of her junior year. She’s never been transparent about why, but now she says she’s ready to “pave her own way.” Since she left school, she hasn’t been able to secure a job. She’s reached out to her network, and it seems like a few people have done due diligence to help her and create opportunities for her. She won’t admit it, but I’m hearing from all these helping hands that she showed up late to interviews, didn’t send her resume when requested and even failed a drug test.

Now she has come to me for help, and I told her I’d let her know. The truth is that I’d prefer not to put my name on the line for someone who is apparently irresponsible. How can I be honest with my friend about these missteps that she never even told me about? -- Job Referral

DEAR JOB REFERRAL: Your reputation is everything, and you should not refer her or anyone else unless you can truly vouch for the person. Speak honestly with this woman. Ask her what she wants for her life and how she plans to get there. Inquire as to what her job search has been thus far. Unless you were sworn to secrecy about the other attempts, tell her that you know she has shown up late and failed a drug test. Point out that these things torpedo her chances at getting a job and also damage the reputation of the person making the referral. Tell her you cannot recommend her today, but you are willing to talk to her to help her get her bearings for tomorrow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling with what feels like depression. I’ve never experienced these long periods of sadness, isolation and laziness before, but for the past year, I’ve been in a season of hardship, battling unemployment and other life changes.

The other day, a close friend of mine broke down crying about how horrible she felt learning that one of her co-workers has been going through a tough time emotionally. My friend told me she hates hearing stories of people going through difficult periods. Honestly, in the past year she has made light of my situation, changed the subject when I've had vulnerable moments and never actually asked me how I am doing.

Hearing her empathize with her co-worker infuriated me. I tried to sit through her moment of vulnerability, but all I could feel was anger and envy. I excused myself and decided to head home. I’m sure she was confused, but that kind of lack of consideration for me feels inexcusable. Is there a conversation I should have with her? -- Lack of Empathy

DEAR LACK OF EMPATHY: When you are able to calm down, you should reach out to your friend. Chances are, she is totally unaware of her behavior toward you. Because she doesn’t handle stress well, she shrugs off your issues. Now, seeing her co-worker on a daily basis and observing whatever crisis she may have experienced has forced her to acknowledge someone else going through it.

Speak to her and tell her the truth: You have been struggling for a whole year, and when you attempted to talk to her about it, she diminished your concerns. Tell her how upsetting it was for you to see her break down about a colleague who is in mental distress when she has not been there for you when you have needed her support. It hurts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just moved to a new city, and I met a guy on a night out. He’s sweet and has been attentive the past few weeks. It’s nice being able to explore dating in this new city, but at the same time, I want to take my time as I create new connections and community here. Part of me thinks he’s a bit clingy. He already has 10 different pet names for me. He offers to call me whenever I leave work and before I go to bed. He also offers to join me for minor errands and includes himself in some of my future plans. Whenever I set boundaries, he’s compliant. Is this happening too fast? We only met a month ago and have been on three or four dates. I’m not totally familiar with the term, but this sort of feels like “love bombing.” How do I pace myself with a suitor who seems to have good intentions but may be coming on too strong? -- Love Bomb

DEAR LOVE BOMB: You can’t fault this guy for thinking you are a good catch! Still, you can manage expectations and time. Tell him how much you appreciate his attentiveness, but you want to slow it down a bit. If you don’t think he is “the one” -- or at least not yet -- give yourself space to meet other people. Otherwise, your situation with him may become exclusive by default. Continue to talk to him and see him when you like, but your interaction does not need to be every day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started budgeting after realizing how much money slips through my fingers each month, especially on little treats like coffee runs, lunches out and takeout. When I added it all up, I was shocked at how much I’ve been spending without even realizing it. I know I need to be smarter with my money so I can save for my future goals, like building an emergency fund, paying off debt and eventually buying a home. The problem is that every time I try to cut back, I feel deprived. I don’t want to live a life where I never treat myself, and honestly, those small indulgences bring me joy in the moment. Still, I can’t shake the guilt that comes after spending on things I don’t technically need. How do I strike a healthy balance between being financially responsible and still enjoying the present without feeling like I’m constantly punishing myself? I want to develop better habits that last in the long term, but I’m afraid of slipping back into old spending patterns. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just not disciplined enough to manage my money the way I should. -- Strategic Planning

DEAR STRATEGIC PLANNING: Look at your monthly income and expenses. Figure out how much it’s possible to save if you allow yourself one indulgence per month. Then turn your cost-savings approach into something pleasurable for yourself. You can use a cute coffee carafe to transport your home-brewed coffee to work, making it feel like a treat. Pack a lunch that you prepare the night before. Prepare something you enjoy eating, so you aren’t depriving yourself even though it comes from home. Continue thinking like this: What can you do to celebrate yourself AND save money?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that my girlfriend has been going through my phone when I’m not around. At first, I thought maybe I was imagining it, but then I noticed that some of my messages had been opened before I saw them. When I confronted her, she admitted to it and explained that she struggles with trust issues because of past relationships where she was cheated on. She insists it has nothing to do with me personally, but I can’t help feeling hurt and violated. I’ve never given her a reason to doubt me, and I feel like trust should be the foundation of any relationship. At the same time, I understand that past experiences can leave scars, and part of me wants to be patient and supportive while she works through her insecurities. Still, I worry that if this continues, it will create resentment and damage the relationship beyond repair. Is this something we can realistically work through with honest communication, or is it a dealbreaker that shows we’re not on the same page about trust and boundaries? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: Tell your girlfriend you understand her history with trust and want to empathize with her. At the same time, you need to establish boundaries. You do not appreciate her sifting through your phone, searching for “gotchas.” Suggest that she talk to you and ask questions when she is feeling vulnerable. You two need to establish a rhythm of being in a relationship. Snooping and not trusting you will not help to strengthen your bond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)