DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has a habit of oversharing personal drama on social media, and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Often, I’m tagged in posts or mentioned in stories that reveal private conversations or situations that I never intended to be public.

I laughed it off at first, thinking it was harmless, but it’s become a regular occurrence, and I’m starting to dread logging on to my accounts. I value our friendship and don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings or make her feel self-conscious, but I also feel like my privacy is being violated. I’ve tried subtly hinting that some things should stay private, but nothing seems to change. I’m torn between speaking up directly, which might make things awkward, and staying silent, which makes me feel disrespected. How can I set boundaries with my friend about what’s appropriate to share online while still protecting our friendship? -- Oversharing

DEAR OVERSHARING: The only way to nip this in the bud is to be direct. People have different social media thresholds. Clearly, you and your friend do not align in that regard. Speak to your friend and tell her that you love her and appreciate being able to be vulnerable with her, but you now see that she is not keeping your confidences private. Provide specific examples of when she violated your privacy by sharing something personal on social media. Tell her that this is not OK. From now on, tell her if she wants to share something about you, she has to check in with you first. She may get mad. That’s fine. She must learn these boundaries, or she will start seeing less of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a long-time friend, “Marty,” who recently became friendly with my husband. Last year, he was visiting us when my husband spoke rudely to me. When I invited Marty to spend a weekend with us this year, he told me no. While he respects our friendship, he was so upset about how my husband treated me that he doesn’t want to be in his space anymore. It is true that my husband was wildly disrespectful that day. When I talked to him about it, he shrugged it off, so there never was any resolution. Should I bring this up to my husband? Maybe trying to talk about it again could help us address our issues. I worry, though, that it will just make him mad at Marty for daring to say anything about it. -- Do I Say Something?

DEAR DO I SAY SOMETHING?: It sounds like you and your husband need some counseling to get to the heart of your issues. Sometimes it does take an outsider’s perspective to help people realize they are in crisis. Bringing up Marty’s reaction to a squabble you had a year ago may not be the best strategy with your husband. Instead, make a list of grievances that you have. What is going on in your relationship that needs to be addressed? Be honest with yourself, then drum up the courage to address these topics with your husband. Ask him to work with you and a professional so that you can heal and rebuild your life together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and for the most part, things have been going really well. He’s kind and supportive, and he makes me feel valued. There’s one thing that’s been bothering me more and more lately: how often he talks about his ex. He brings her up in casual conversation, shares stories from when they were together and still texts and hangs out with her occasionally. He insists they’re just really good friends and that there’s nothing romantic between them anymore.

I want to trust my boyfriend, and I don’t want to be the kind of person who tells someone who they can or can’t be friends with, but at the same time, I feel this constant unease. I don’t know if it’s a gut feeling or just my insecurities getting the best of me. I’ve mentioned it a few times, but he brushes it off and tells me I’m overthinking things. Is it unfair for me to feel uncomfortable? How do I tell the difference between a legitimate concern and my own insecurity? Is it possible to set boundaries here without sounding controlling or jealous? -- Competing With Ex

DEAR COMPETING WITH EX: Tell your boyfriend you would like to meet his ex-girlfriend. Explain that if he is set on having her be a part of his life, you need to know her, too. Be open-minded when you meet. Genuinely look to see what kind of person she is and what quality of relationship they have. You cannot control whether he keeps her in his life; you can evaluate what you see and decide if you can live with that fact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently befriended a lovely group of women who are slightly older than me -- and exponentially wealthier. We met naturally and have struck up a lovely friendship, but the truth is they are way out of my league, financially. They are all talking about taking a trip together this winter and have invited me to come along. I can’t imagine that I can afford it, but I want to try. I was told that once we get to the destination, there are few additional expenses. Do I tell anyone there that I can’t hang the way they do? I’m worried I will be getting in too deep and won’t be able to afford to be their friend. -- Off-Balance

DEAR OFF-BALANCE: Who is your closest confidant in the group? Let that person know that you appreciate being included and want to be able to go on the trip with them, but you do have limited resources. Ask what the expectation would be for expenses during the trip. This may feel awkward, but it’s way better to learn now than to be away and unable to participate or contribute fully. If this is a group with whom you are supposed to be friends, there will be enough awareness of your circumstances that they will be inclusive. You will quickly learn how much you can or cannot do with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother got married last year. This is his first marriage, and he’s in his 50s. In some ways, I think getting married later can be a bit easier: You know what you want, you know your boundaries and you are likely more established (professionally and financially). I think in some ways that rang true for my brother, but I think after they made things official, his wife has shown him different sides of herself. She moved into my brother’s longtime home when they got married and is now requesting that he purchase something new with more space -- despite having two spare bedrooms in their current home. She works full-time but does not want to contribute to any bills. My brother seems somber. He’ll talk to me about the pressure sometimes, but he tries his best not to express anger or resentment. He’d been planning for early retirement but is now reworking his plans to stay in the workforce a bit longer. How can I support my brother as he tries to handle this new pressure gracefully? -- Sister-in-Law

DEAR SISTER-IN-LAW: While marriage does require compromise, not every requirement or request has to be honored. It’s too bad that your brother and his wife didn’t talk about these things beforehand and map out a plan for the future, especially something as important as where they want to live. Obviously, you cannot control what he does, but you might recommend to him that the two of them sit down and review their goals for the future based on available resources, needs and desires. It seems reasonable that if she wants them to buy a bigger house, she should be willing to contribute. This is their life, though, and they must determine responsibilities and choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You advised “Working Hard,” the man who was in a “high-demand environment” to tell his girlfriend that his job required him to give 100%. That leaves 0% for others -- or even himself. That may be OK if it is time-boxed (for example, if the boss says, “we have a new client and are hiring a team member to take the extra work”), and he has learned from this how to better manage his capacity and how to meet client expectations. But if he cannot figure out how to get his life back into some balance -- e.g. hire a partner, set clearer expectations with new clients, learn to say no or negotiate vs. automatically saying yes to a client and therefore no to his girlfriend -- he should not be pretending to be in a relationship and should let her go on with her life until he is established and ready to be present in a relationship. -- Response to ‘Working Hard’

DEAR RESPONSE TO ‘WORKING HARD’: Good point. My suggestion of supporting him during this critical moment was based on a short-term vision, not forever. There are many professions that require total immersion for a limited period of time. If a partner is willing to wait that out and be there for the hard worker, life can be sweet afterward. You are right: This type of total immersion cannot last forever, at least not for a relationship to survive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)