DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and for the most part, things have been going really well. He’s kind and supportive, and he makes me feel valued. There’s one thing that’s been bothering me more and more lately: how often he talks about his ex. He brings her up in casual conversation, shares stories from when they were together and still texts and hangs out with her occasionally. He insists they’re just really good friends and that there’s nothing romantic between them anymore.

I want to trust my boyfriend, and I don’t want to be the kind of person who tells someone who they can or can’t be friends with, but at the same time, I feel this constant unease. I don’t know if it’s a gut feeling or just my insecurities getting the best of me. I’ve mentioned it a few times, but he brushes it off and tells me I’m overthinking things. Is it unfair for me to feel uncomfortable? How do I tell the difference between a legitimate concern and my own insecurity? Is it possible to set boundaries here without sounding controlling or jealous? -- Competing With Ex

DEAR COMPETING WITH EX: Tell your boyfriend you would like to meet his ex-girlfriend. Explain that if he is set on having her be a part of his life, you need to know her, too. Be open-minded when you meet. Genuinely look to see what kind of person she is and what quality of relationship they have. You cannot control whether he keeps her in his life; you can evaluate what you see and decide if you can live with that fact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently befriended a lovely group of women who are slightly older than me -- and exponentially wealthier. We met naturally and have struck up a lovely friendship, but the truth is they are way out of my league, financially. They are all talking about taking a trip together this winter and have invited me to come along. I can’t imagine that I can afford it, but I want to try. I was told that once we get to the destination, there are few additional expenses. Do I tell anyone there that I can’t hang the way they do? I’m worried I will be getting in too deep and won’t be able to afford to be their friend. -- Off-Balance

DEAR OFF-BALANCE: Who is your closest confidant in the group? Let that person know that you appreciate being included and want to be able to go on the trip with them, but you do have limited resources. Ask what the expectation would be for expenses during the trip. This may feel awkward, but it’s way better to learn now than to be away and unable to participate or contribute fully. If this is a group with whom you are supposed to be friends, there will be enough awareness of your circumstances that they will be inclusive. You will quickly learn how much you can or cannot do with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother got married last year. This is his first marriage, and he’s in his 50s. In some ways, I think getting married later can be a bit easier: You know what you want, you know your boundaries and you are likely more established (professionally and financially). I think in some ways that rang true for my brother, but I think after they made things official, his wife has shown him different sides of herself. She moved into my brother’s longtime home when they got married and is now requesting that he purchase something new with more space -- despite having two spare bedrooms in their current home. She works full-time but does not want to contribute to any bills. My brother seems somber. He’ll talk to me about the pressure sometimes, but he tries his best not to express anger or resentment. He’d been planning for early retirement but is now reworking his plans to stay in the workforce a bit longer. How can I support my brother as he tries to handle this new pressure gracefully? -- Sister-in-Law

DEAR SISTER-IN-LAW: While marriage does require compromise, not every requirement or request has to be honored. It’s too bad that your brother and his wife didn’t talk about these things beforehand and map out a plan for the future, especially something as important as where they want to live. Obviously, you cannot control what he does, but you might recommend to him that the two of them sit down and review their goals for the future based on available resources, needs and desires. It seems reasonable that if she wants them to buy a bigger house, she should be willing to contribute. This is their life, though, and they must determine responsibilities and choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You advised “Working Hard,” the man who was in a “high-demand environment” to tell his girlfriend that his job required him to give 100%. That leaves 0% for others -- or even himself. That may be OK if it is time-boxed (for example, if the boss says, “we have a new client and are hiring a team member to take the extra work”), and he has learned from this how to better manage his capacity and how to meet client expectations. But if he cannot figure out how to get his life back into some balance -- e.g. hire a partner, set clearer expectations with new clients, learn to say no or negotiate vs. automatically saying yes to a client and therefore no to his girlfriend -- he should not be pretending to be in a relationship and should let her go on with her life until he is established and ready to be present in a relationship. -- Response to ‘Working Hard’

DEAR RESPONSE TO ‘WORKING HARD’: Good point. My suggestion of supporting him during this critical moment was based on a short-term vision, not forever. There are many professions that require total immersion for a limited period of time. If a partner is willing to wait that out and be there for the hard worker, life can be sweet afterward. You are right: This type of total immersion cannot last forever, at least not for a relationship to survive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a job offer from another company that comes with a significantly higher salary than what I’m currently making. The role is in a field I’ve been wanting to move into for years, and while it’s a little intimidating, it genuinely excites me. When I told my current employer about the offer, they surprised me by countering with a raise that slightly exceeds the other company's offer. On paper, it sounds like a win, but here’s the problem: I don’t actually enjoy my current job. I’ve stayed mostly because I have great relationships with my co-workers. I know the systems inside and out, and it feels stable. The work itself leaves me bored, unmotivated and drained by the end of the day. Now I feel torn between taking a leap into something new that could be more fulfilling, or staying in a comfortable role for the sake of security and familiar faces. Should I follow my heart toward the new opportunity or stick with the paycheck and stability I already have? -- At a Crossroads

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Is there any way that your current company has space to create a new role for you? Since you have a new job offer with security there, why not speak candidly to your boss? Explain that you feel you have outgrown your current job. You appreciate their counteroffer, but what you want more is a different type of opportunity. Find out if you can create a new role for yourself there at the newly offered rate -- or if there’s anything they can do to sweeten the pot.

You can also let the other company know that your current employer countered with a higher paycheck. Carefully negotiate to see if you can get a better deal at the new place. Just be careful not to be too pushy. Ultimately, you should go where you think you will be happiest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am newly engaged. My girlfriend and I had been together for about two years before we decided to move in together, and it’s been almost three years since then. I love her dearly, so naturally a proposal felt like the next step. If I’m being honest, though, a lot of my friends and a few family members have not always been big fans of my fiancee. Some of them feel that she is not friendly or welcoming and think that she’s too territorial. They worry that because this is my first relationship, perhaps I’m just excited about having someone. Now that we are in full wedding planning mode, I’m getting a little worried. It’s hard to admit, but I think I am feeling a slight case of cold feet. Did I jump the gun? Now that we’ve agreed to forever, I’ve been wondering more about the dynamic between my fiancee and my village. Can this work in the long term? -- Cold Feet

DEAR COLD FEET: Here’s where premarital counseling can be helpful. Recommend that you two go to a therapist to talk through your hopes and dreams for the future. Be open and honest in the conversation with the therapist. Share what you love about your fiancee and what concerns you. Outline your vision of the future and how it includes family and friends, and gain insight from her as to how she feels about that. The more open you can be during these sessions, the better you will both be able to assess your long-term compatibility.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)