DEAR HARRIETTE: My oldest daughter is preparing to head to college in the fall. She has worked so hard over the years -- as a student and as a sister. Her father and I spent a lot of our time working, and she picked up the slack with her two younger siblings. She never complained and always made us proud with her grades and her kind heart. She’s earned a scholarship from her dream school, which covers tuition but not room and board. Although she hasn’t said so, I know she’s been looking forward to being on her own for a change. I want to help make this happen, but even with her scholarship, travel and year-round lodging are expensive. My husband and I are considering taking out a second mortgage on our home, but we wonder if this is worth going further into debt for, especially when we still have two other children who will also be going to college eventually. Would a local or more affordable school be so bad? I don’t want to disappoint my daughter, but I feel torn. -- Indebted Mom

DEAR INDEBTED MOM: Talk to your daughter. Encourage her to consider a state school, which is likely much more affordable, if only for the reduced travel. Look into whether you can afford to help her get an apartment if she stays at home so that she can have some independence.

If she is set on this other school, consider student loans. Yes, they have to be repaid, but they do make it possible for students to matriculate and pay for their education over time. She should also look for more scholarships from other businesses and organizations; there are lots out there if you search!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column in my local newspaper every day, and normally I agree with the advice you offer. However, your response to "Wife's Guilt" sent me into orbit. This woman has a husband with dementia, and now she wants to date. Are you kidding me? What part of "until death do us part" does she not understand? Your advice to talk to a counselor and join a support group was smart, but you really let her off the hook for being such a selfish witch. She'd better hope for more caring people in her own life if she finds herself in a similar situation someday. -- Unbelievable

DEAR UNBELIEVABLE: Thank you for sharing your opinion with such candor. I totally get your perspective. Personally, I agree with you. An acquaintance of mine was the caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer’s, and he had a lover who helped care for her; he was public about his decision to move on. I was uncomfortable with his choice, especially making it everyone else’s business.

That said, I did a lot of research before answering the person who wrote in. What I learned was how harrowing and lonely life can be for the caregiver of a spouse with dementia. Their world often narrows tremendously, too often leading to mental and physical illness. I am not encouraging the idea of having a lover, but I do have tremendous compassion for the caregiver who is going through this situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have the opportunity to take a job where my friend will be my boss. I’ve never worked in an environment with someone I was friends with prior to working with them, and I don’t often make a habit of becoming close friends with co-workers. I’m a bit wary.

This friend of mine is someone I have known since middle school. Our dynamic now is not consistent, but when we do see each other -- usually two or three times a year -- it’s like we haven’t missed a beat. I wonder if the fact that we don’t spend much time together will be a good thing if we end up working together. She has a trustworthy and easygoing way about her. I just wonder what I don't know about my friend yet that could impact our relationship if she becomes my manager? Am I thinking too far ahead? -- Friend in Charge

DEAR FRIEND IN CHARGE: Talk to your friend about her expectations and her work style. Ask her to tell you how she manages the team and what she wants from you. Tell her you intend to do a great job, and you want to have a clear understanding of what that would look like for her. Don’t plant any seeds of negativity or doubt. Just listen and learn. If you do end up being her subordinate, do your best to remember your roles and resist asking for favors or different treatment than she offers others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I called my cousin “Joe” to wish him a happy birthday. Joe and I were born in the same year and grew up like siblings. Now that we live in different states, we don’t talk as often, but when we do, we like to catch up. So when I called on his birthday, I was excited to hear what’s new with him. I happened to ask how his wife was doing, and after telling me she’s doing well, he asked me why I have been talking to her about leaving him. I was so confused. I barely talk to his wife -- not for any particular reason, just because we don’t really know each other that well. I explained to Joe that I don’t call her, and he insisted that “he knows” I do and that she’s been telling him what I say. I told him she’s probably trying to upset him, but he doesn’t believe me. What kind of wedge is she trying to drive between Joe and me? -- Lying Wife

DEAR LYING WIFE: Reiterate that you have not spoken to your cousin’s wife at all. If you want to help him get to the bottom of this, ask him to invite you over to his house when his wife will be there. The three of you can talk about it openly.

The bigger issue, though, is their relationship. He needs to address that. What is going on and why is his wife introducing the idea of a separation through a third party -- you? Joe needs to address his life head-on, not be distracted by what his wife said you said. Tell him that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just graduated from college in May, and my husband and I couldn’t be prouder of her. She has a job lined up in New York City and will be moving there in mid-August. The lease at her college apartment ends in July, and we were really hoping she would come home before starting this next chapter. We thought it would be a nice way for her to relax, regroup and spend some quality time with family before she’s off building her new life. When we suggested it, she told us she doesn’t want to come home. She said she wants to stay with some university friends until her lease is up. Honestly, this response really hurt. We’ve supported her every step of the way, and we were looking forward to having her back under our roof, even if just for a short time. I can’t help but feel like she’s trying to distance herself from us now that she’s an adult. Is it wrong to want this time with her? How do I deal with the sadness and disappointment I’m feeling without making her feel guilty? -- Missing Our Daughter

DEAR MISSING OUR DAUGHTER: Accepting that your daughter is independent and walking into the next stage of her life has got to be difficult. It is understandable that you long to spend a bit of time with her before she moves further away. It also makes sense that she wants to be with friends she has made in college whom she may never see again.

Tell your daughter that you were hoping she would come home for a short time before heading to New York City for her new job. Ask her if she would consider carving out a brief period of time -- even just a long weekend -- to come home to be with you while also being able to hang a bit with her friends. Don’t guilt her. Just ask her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event with a male friend, “Tom,” and met up with a female friend, “Meg,” and we all hung out together. The next day, I learned that Tom had been calling Meg and basically trying to seduce her. His approach was a bit kinky, though, and she was turned off by it. Joe asked Meg to send him pictures of different body parts -- not genitalia -- but she found it all creepy. Now he won’t stop soliciting her for photos. Meg has forwarded me his messages so I can see them; they are different, but not overly suggestive or inappropriate. She has asked me to speak to him and ask him to back off. I don’t want to get involved. Nothing seems dangerous about his communication. Meg just needs to tell him she’s not interested. Do you think I need to do more? -- Peripheral

DEAR PERIPHERAL: Encourage Meg to handle her business. This is not high school. Everyone is an adult. She needs to act like one and tell Joe that she appreciates his interest in her, but she does not reciprocate his feelings. She needs to ask him to stop calling and texting her. If he doesn’t get the hint, she can block his number.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)