DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I haven't been able to get a good night’s rest in over a year. My 8-year-old daughter still insists on sleeping in our bed with us almost every night, and I’m at a loss for what to do. It started a few years ago when she had some nightmares, and I let her sleep with us to help her feel safe. Now it’s become a habit that neither of us can seem to break. She gets upset when we try to get her to sleep in her own room, and I feel guilty pushing her away. Sometimes it just feels easier to give in, especially after a long day.

I know she needs to learn independence and feel confident sleeping on her own. My husband and I also want our own space back since it’s starting to affect our sleep and overall stress levels. How can we transition her back to her own bed without causing more anxiety or making her feel like we’re rejecting her? -- Independent Sleep

DEAR INDEPENDENT SLEEP: According to the Child Mind Institute, you have to set firm boundaries around sleep for your child, or else you may never get her to sleep in her own room. First, talk to her about whatever anxiety she may have about sleeping alone. Ask her to name what is going on. Since it has become a pattern for her to cuddle up with you and your husband, it may now be about seeking that comfort rather than alleviating fear.

You have to establish that she now must sleep in her own room. You can start by stating the rule, establishing a specific bedtime and then being in the room with her until she falls asleep. Ideally, sit in a chair next to her, not on her bed. Consider something called “fading,” where you start seated near her and over time inch your way to a space outside the room with your chair. Wean her off of her reliance on you. If and when she comes to your room, lead her back to her room immediately. It will take time, but it can work, and it is necessary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I went on a first date with a guy I met through mutual friends, and honestly, it was a disaster. He showed up late, spent most of the time talking about himself and made a few offhand comments that rubbed me the wrong way. I left the date feeling disappointed and convinced there was no real connection. Now he’s been texting me nonstop, apologizing and saying he was nervous and not acting like his true self. He keeps asking for a second chance, saying he really likes me and wants to make a better impression. A part of me appreciates the accountability and effort, but I also don’t want to ignore the red flags I felt in my gut. I’m torn between giving him the benefit of the doubt and trusting my first impression. How do I know if I’m being too quick to judge, or if I’d just be wasting more of my time? -- Bad Date

DEAR BAD DATE: Trust your instincts. You can forgive him and not go out with him again. Tell him you accept his apology, but you are not interested in a second date. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate my new manager. She’s new to the team, and it is clear to everyone that her priority is asserting dominance and making sure her voice is heard and her name is known. Plot twist: She’s my cousin!

When my cousin asked me to introduce her to the higher-ups at my job for a referral, I was elated. She has a stellar resume, and for some reason I thought that meant she had great rapport in the workplace. I was wrong. She surprised me in so many ways. The catch is, no one at work knows that we are family, just that I suggested her as a top candidate, so now other team members complain to me about her misplaced intentions. I feel awkward being in the middle, but I know they’re not wrong. She’s really not a team player and doesn’t hide that she likes to climb the corporate ladder.

Is it my place to try to reason with her, or should I let her arrogance teach her a lesson the hard way? -- Family at Work

DEAR FAMILY AT WORK: Companies frown upon employees recommending family or even close friends for work opportunities, because it creates a conflict of interest. That’s what you are experiencing right now. You must take careful steps, as she is your manager as well.

You may want to pull her aside and ask her how things are going. Find out what her thoughts are. Then recommend that she step back and notice the culture at your office and how people interact. Tell her you have noticed that some things she does rub people the wrong way. Tell her what you know about how the team functions optimally, and then let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently took a long international flight and had an uncomfortable experience with the person sitting next to me. He kept spreading his legs into my space and hogging the shared armrest with no regard for how cramped I was getting. I tried to be polite, but after a couple of hours of quietly shifting around and hoping he’d get the hint, I finally asked him if he could please move his leg because it was clearly crossing into my seat area.

Instead of apologizing or adjusting, he looked at me and said, “Well, I’m tall and you’re short, so I should be allowed to take a little more space.” I was stunned. I didn’t want to escalate things mid-flight, so I stayed quiet, but I spent the next several hours feeling tense and frustrated in my already-tight seat.

Looking back, I wish I had handled it differently, but I also didn’t want to be labeled as “difficult.” Should I have pushed back more or called a flight attendant over to help? What’s the best way to stand up for yourself in these awkward, confined spaces without creating a scene or putting yourself at risk? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: You should have spoken privately to the flight attendant, first asking if you could be moved to another seat, given this passenger’s behavior. If not, the attendant would then speak to the passenger and ask him to be more respectful of your space.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my current job during the COVID-19 pandemic, and at that time, everyone was working from home. This year, my employer has asked that we all begin working in the office again full-time. I live over an hour away from the office, and the commute is excessive. The cost of gas continues to rise, but my salary has not changed. My supervisor is usually accommodating, but the company as a whole has suffered a bit in terms of sales revenue this year. I want to ask for a raise, or at least to be compensated for my gas now that a commute is required, but am I being insensitive to the company’s current state? -- Need a Raise

DEAR NEED A RAISE: This may not be the best time to make your pitch, but you, too, are suffering. You can always ask. Request a private meeting with your supervisor, ask if it is possible for you to have a gas allowance. Make sure you go in with facts: Calculate how much you’ll be spending weekly on gas, and ask for a stipend to cover that amount. That type of request will likely be more welcome than asking for a raise at this time, but if other team members are also commuting long distances, your pitch may not work. Another option might be to ask for a hybrid arrangement where you work from home a couple of days each week. To help your case, remind your boss of the ways in which you support the team and go beyond expectations whenever asked.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter’s childhood babysitter has stayed in touch with the family over the years, though we haven’t talked recently. While she was working with our family and long after, she really considered my daughter to be like her own flesh and blood. My daughter is getting married next year, and I’m sure her former babysitter will expect to be invited to the wedding. When my daughter was graduating from middle school, we made the mistake of not inviting this person to any of the celebrations, and she was crushed. I don’t want to forget her again. The caveat is that my daughter and her fiance are planning a destination wedding in another country. I don’t believe our former babysitter is able to afford such a large trip. Should I pay to accommodate her travel so that she can participate? -- Part of the Family

DEAR PART OF THE FAMILY: By all means, you should invite the former babysitter to your daughter’s wedding. If you can afford it, offer to pay for her travel and accommodations. If your budget allows for only partial coverage, let her know what you can take on to offset her expenses. If you can’t cover anything, be honest about it, but still invite her. Also, be sure to include her in any local pre-wedding celebrations, such as an engagement party, bridal shower, etc. You may even consider planning a gathering where the babysitter can meet your daughter’s fiance.

People who play the roles of taking care of children are special. They treat our children like precious angels, and we should do anything we can to honor them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)