DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate my new manager. She’s new to the team, and it is clear to everyone that her priority is asserting dominance and making sure her voice is heard and her name is known. Plot twist: She’s my cousin!

When my cousin asked me to introduce her to the higher-ups at my job for a referral, I was elated. She has a stellar resume, and for some reason I thought that meant she had great rapport in the workplace. I was wrong. She surprised me in so many ways. The catch is, no one at work knows that we are family, just that I suggested her as a top candidate, so now other team members complain to me about her misplaced intentions. I feel awkward being in the middle, but I know they’re not wrong. She’s really not a team player and doesn’t hide that she likes to climb the corporate ladder.

Is it my place to try to reason with her, or should I let her arrogance teach her a lesson the hard way? -- Family at Work

DEAR FAMILY AT WORK: Companies frown upon employees recommending family or even close friends for work opportunities, because it creates a conflict of interest. That’s what you are experiencing right now. You must take careful steps, as she is your manager as well.

You may want to pull her aside and ask her how things are going. Find out what her thoughts are. Then recommend that she step back and notice the culture at your office and how people interact. Tell her you have noticed that some things she does rub people the wrong way. Tell her what you know about how the team functions optimally, and then let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently took a long international flight and had an uncomfortable experience with the person sitting next to me. He kept spreading his legs into my space and hogging the shared armrest with no regard for how cramped I was getting. I tried to be polite, but after a couple of hours of quietly shifting around and hoping he’d get the hint, I finally asked him if he could please move his leg because it was clearly crossing into my seat area.

Instead of apologizing or adjusting, he looked at me and said, “Well, I’m tall and you’re short, so I should be allowed to take a little more space.” I was stunned. I didn’t want to escalate things mid-flight, so I stayed quiet, but I spent the next several hours feeling tense and frustrated in my already-tight seat.

Looking back, I wish I had handled it differently, but I also didn’t want to be labeled as “difficult.” Should I have pushed back more or called a flight attendant over to help? What’s the best way to stand up for yourself in these awkward, confined spaces without creating a scene or putting yourself at risk? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: You should have spoken privately to the flight attendant, first asking if you could be moved to another seat, given this passenger’s behavior. If not, the attendant would then speak to the passenger and ask him to be more respectful of your space.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my current job during the COVID-19 pandemic, and at that time, everyone was working from home. This year, my employer has asked that we all begin working in the office again full-time. I live over an hour away from the office, and the commute is excessive. The cost of gas continues to rise, but my salary has not changed. My supervisor is usually accommodating, but the company as a whole has suffered a bit in terms of sales revenue this year. I want to ask for a raise, or at least to be compensated for my gas now that a commute is required, but am I being insensitive to the company’s current state? -- Need a Raise

DEAR NEED A RAISE: This may not be the best time to make your pitch, but you, too, are suffering. You can always ask. Request a private meeting with your supervisor, ask if it is possible for you to have a gas allowance. Make sure you go in with facts: Calculate how much you’ll be spending weekly on gas, and ask for a stipend to cover that amount. That type of request will likely be more welcome than asking for a raise at this time, but if other team members are also commuting long distances, your pitch may not work. Another option might be to ask for a hybrid arrangement where you work from home a couple of days each week. To help your case, remind your boss of the ways in which you support the team and go beyond expectations whenever asked.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter’s childhood babysitter has stayed in touch with the family over the years, though we haven’t talked recently. While she was working with our family and long after, she really considered my daughter to be like her own flesh and blood. My daughter is getting married next year, and I’m sure her former babysitter will expect to be invited to the wedding. When my daughter was graduating from middle school, we made the mistake of not inviting this person to any of the celebrations, and she was crushed. I don’t want to forget her again. The caveat is that my daughter and her fiance are planning a destination wedding in another country. I don’t believe our former babysitter is able to afford such a large trip. Should I pay to accommodate her travel so that she can participate? -- Part of the Family

DEAR PART OF THE FAMILY: By all means, you should invite the former babysitter to your daughter’s wedding. If you can afford it, offer to pay for her travel and accommodations. If your budget allows for only partial coverage, let her know what you can take on to offset her expenses. If you can’t cover anything, be honest about it, but still invite her. Also, be sure to include her in any local pre-wedding celebrations, such as an engagement party, bridal shower, etc. You may even consider planning a gathering where the babysitter can meet your daughter’s fiance.

People who play the roles of taking care of children are special. They treat our children like precious angels, and we should do anything we can to honor them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been looking for a fresh start for a few years. I didn’t know exactly what I needed to change, but I felt disappointment when I’d reflect on my life. One day, I decided to change my location on LinkedIn and began getting some great job offers. For a time, I’d take interviews; when I’d get offered a job, I’d get cold feet and decline. In the last round of interviews I did, I decided to go for it! I had to move within a month, and I am now in a brand-new city with a brand-new job. As you may have gathered, though, I can be a bit of a nervous wreck. How do I build a new social life outside of just co-workers? -- Fresh Start

DEAR FRESH START: First, congratulations on pushing outside your comfort zone to expand your life. That took a lot of courage. It’s OK at first to spend more time with colleagues than people who don’t work with you. The truth is, most people’s lives revolve around work and family. Pay attention to the people at work so that you can consciously choose who would be good to welcome as friends.

Beyond work, think about your interests and explore them in your town. What leisure activities do you enjoy? Museums? Art galleries? Rock climbing? Whatever it is, look to see what’s going on in your new town that interests you, and sign up for it. It’s totally fine to go alone. When you get there, look around and notice who else is there by themselves. Be courageous and walk up to people who seem interesting. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors have been driving me up the wall lately. They’re constantly loud late at night, sometimes blasting music, other times just having loud conversations that go on for hours. They’re a younger group and seem to have people over nearly every night of the week, and the noise carries right through the walls. I’ve tried to handle it a mature and polite way; I’ve gone over and asked them nicely on multiple occasions to please keep it down, especially during the week when I have to get up early for work. Every time, they apologize and say they’ll be more mindful, but nothing ever changes. To make matters more frustrating, they have a dog that barks constantly, sometimes in the middle of the night, other times early in the morning. It’s really affecting my sleep and my ability to relax in my own home. I’m exhausted, frustrated and starting to dread coming home. Is it time to involve the landlord or file a noise complaint? I’m worried that might just make things worse. -- Too Loud

DEAR TOO LOUD: Now is the time to speak to your landlord. Explain the situation and ask for help. You can also look up the rules around noise in your area so that you feel confident in your right to complain. If the landlord is ineffective, that's when you file the formal complaint with the police department. Will your neighbors be mad? Yes, but nothing else is working.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)