DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my current job during the COVID-19 pandemic, and at that time, everyone was working from home. This year, my employer has asked that we all begin working in the office again full-time. I live over an hour away from the office, and the commute is excessive. The cost of gas continues to rise, but my salary has not changed. My supervisor is usually accommodating, but the company as a whole has suffered a bit in terms of sales revenue this year. I want to ask for a raise, or at least to be compensated for my gas now that a commute is required, but am I being insensitive to the company’s current state? -- Need a Raise

DEAR NEED A RAISE: This may not be the best time to make your pitch, but you, too, are suffering. You can always ask. Request a private meeting with your supervisor, ask if it is possible for you to have a gas allowance. Make sure you go in with facts: Calculate how much you’ll be spending weekly on gas, and ask for a stipend to cover that amount. That type of request will likely be more welcome than asking for a raise at this time, but if other team members are also commuting long distances, your pitch may not work. Another option might be to ask for a hybrid arrangement where you work from home a couple of days each week. To help your case, remind your boss of the ways in which you support the team and go beyond expectations whenever asked.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter’s childhood babysitter has stayed in touch with the family over the years, though we haven’t talked recently. While she was working with our family and long after, she really considered my daughter to be like her own flesh and blood. My daughter is getting married next year, and I’m sure her former babysitter will expect to be invited to the wedding. When my daughter was graduating from middle school, we made the mistake of not inviting this person to any of the celebrations, and she was crushed. I don’t want to forget her again. The caveat is that my daughter and her fiance are planning a destination wedding in another country. I don’t believe our former babysitter is able to afford such a large trip. Should I pay to accommodate her travel so that she can participate? -- Part of the Family

DEAR PART OF THE FAMILY: By all means, you should invite the former babysitter to your daughter’s wedding. If you can afford it, offer to pay for her travel and accommodations. If your budget allows for only partial coverage, let her know what you can take on to offset her expenses. If you can’t cover anything, be honest about it, but still invite her. Also, be sure to include her in any local pre-wedding celebrations, such as an engagement party, bridal shower, etc. You may even consider planning a gathering where the babysitter can meet your daughter’s fiance.

People who play the roles of taking care of children are special. They treat our children like precious angels, and we should do anything we can to honor them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been looking for a fresh start for a few years. I didn’t know exactly what I needed to change, but I felt disappointment when I’d reflect on my life. One day, I decided to change my location on LinkedIn and began getting some great job offers. For a time, I’d take interviews; when I’d get offered a job, I’d get cold feet and decline. In the last round of interviews I did, I decided to go for it! I had to move within a month, and I am now in a brand-new city with a brand-new job. As you may have gathered, though, I can be a bit of a nervous wreck. How do I build a new social life outside of just co-workers? -- Fresh Start

DEAR FRESH START: First, congratulations on pushing outside your comfort zone to expand your life. That took a lot of courage. It’s OK at first to spend more time with colleagues than people who don’t work with you. The truth is, most people’s lives revolve around work and family. Pay attention to the people at work so that you can consciously choose who would be good to welcome as friends.

Beyond work, think about your interests and explore them in your town. What leisure activities do you enjoy? Museums? Art galleries? Rock climbing? Whatever it is, look to see what’s going on in your new town that interests you, and sign up for it. It’s totally fine to go alone. When you get there, look around and notice who else is there by themselves. Be courageous and walk up to people who seem interesting. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors have been driving me up the wall lately. They’re constantly loud late at night, sometimes blasting music, other times just having loud conversations that go on for hours. They’re a younger group and seem to have people over nearly every night of the week, and the noise carries right through the walls. I’ve tried to handle it a mature and polite way; I’ve gone over and asked them nicely on multiple occasions to please keep it down, especially during the week when I have to get up early for work. Every time, they apologize and say they’ll be more mindful, but nothing ever changes. To make matters more frustrating, they have a dog that barks constantly, sometimes in the middle of the night, other times early in the morning. It’s really affecting my sleep and my ability to relax in my own home. I’m exhausted, frustrated and starting to dread coming home. Is it time to involve the landlord or file a noise complaint? I’m worried that might just make things worse. -- Too Loud

DEAR TOO LOUD: Now is the time to speak to your landlord. Explain the situation and ask for help. You can also look up the rules around noise in your area so that you feel confident in your right to complain. If the landlord is ineffective, that's when you file the formal complaint with the police department. Will your neighbors be mad? Yes, but nothing else is working.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close, but lately our relationship has been feeling strained, and I think it has a lot to do with how she constantly compares our kids. Every time we’re together, she makes comments about how much more advanced her daughter is or how her son is better behaved. She’ll say things like, “Well, mine was already reading at that age,” or “Maybe you should try what we do, it seems to work.” Sometimes it’s subtle, but other times it feels downright competitive.

At first, I brushed off her comments because I thought she was just proud of her children and maybe didn’t realize how her words were coming across. Over time, it’s really started to wear on me. I find myself dreading family gatherings or holding back updates about my own kids because I know it will lead to some kind of comparison or judgment. I want to talk to my sister about it, but I’m afraid that if I bring it up, she’ll get defensive or accuse me of being overly sensitive. How can I ask her to stop making these comparisons? -- Stop the Comparisons

DEAR STOP THE COMPARISONS: Were the two of you competitive when you were children? Is there any competition between you today? If so, consider what your life was like before and if any of this behavior is reminiscent of the past.

Either way, tell your sister you need to talk to her. Bring up your concerns. Describe what happens when you are together. Give her a couple of examples of how she talks about the children and how it makes you feel. Explain that you are beginning to feel uncomfortable talking about your children in her presence given how she engages around them. Ask her to stop with the comparisons and love the children for who they are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend, “Pam,” doesn’t believe in marriage. She grew up with single parents, and I think that had an impact on her view of long-term committed relationships. That’s fair. For as long as I’ve known her, though, she pokes fun at or bullies people who have more traditional values. That’s not fair.

A new friend of ours, “Amy,” who is younger and a tad impressionable, prefers to date with the goal of marriage and a family in mind. She dates only one person at a time and takes it seriously. The other day, Pam asked why Amy refuses to date more people and if she thinks subjecting herself to one person is what will change her life. Later, I told Pam that she’s way too critical of people’s choices when it comes to dating and marriage, and she did not take it well. How can I get through to her? -- Strong Opinions

DEAR STRONG OPINIONS: Have a sit-down with Pam, and tell her you have bitten your tongue about this topic, but you need to address it head-on. She is entitled to her way of living -- just as others are. You find it rude and sometimes mean to belittle people for having different views about relationships. Ask her to stop, especially with this impressionable young woman.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)