DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is a wine connoisseur. She knows a lot about it and spends a lot of money on it. I don’t have that kind of money, but I do enjoy wine and like to serve it when guests visit. I find my friend to be obnoxious about her wine tastes. I see her turn up her nose when she sees my selections. She has taken to bringing her own bottles when she comes over to my house so that she can drink what she likes. I find this to be rude -- especially since she doesn’t share her wine with others. She just drinks what she brought for herself. How do I get this to stop? -- Obnoxious Friend

DEAR OBNOXIOUS FRIEND: While your friend may be obnoxious about her wine selection, you can look past her behavior and allow her to bring what she wants to your house. I have seen this in practice in the South, where people visit friends and family with a cooler full of whatever they like to drink -- but there’s no judgment attached. Sometimes they offer to share. Other times it’s just their self-contained minibar that travels with them so that they are self-sufficient. Consider her to be her own one-man band, so to speak. Let her come with whatever she wants and stew in her own judgments while you continue to entertain your friends without allowing yourself to feel belittled by her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made a huge mistake, and I feel sick about it. My best friend confided in me that she’s pregnant, which is something she and her husband have been trying for over two years to make happen. When she told me, she was so happy and made it clear that it was still a secret. They wanted to wait a few more weeks before announcing it to everyone in a cute and memorable way, which they had been planning for months. I was happy for her, and I truly meant to honor her trust, but during a casual hangout with our group of friends, I accidentally let it slip. Now she’s understandably furious with me. She said she feels like a special moment has been stolen from her and her husband, and I completely get it. I’ve apologized over and over, but she barely acknowledges me. I hate knowing I caused her pain during what should be one of the happiest times of her life. How do I even begin to fix this? Is there anything I can do to make it right, or did I permanently ruin our friendship? -- Broken Confidence

DEAR BROKEN CONFIDENCE: Your friend feels especially hurt because you two are so close, which is why she confided in you in the first place. It feels like a deep betrayal. Only time can heal this wound. Back off for now, and let her calm down. See if she reaches out after a month or so. If not, try again. Offer to help her in any way that she may need, but don’t push. She will have to decide when she lets you back in the fold. Pregnancy is an interesting time because the mother’s hormones are changing as the baby grows, and everything seems amplified. You cannot force anything. Just let her know you love her and want to be there for her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently offered a new job that I was excited about. It felt like a huge breakthrough for me -- the kind of opportunity I had been working toward for years. I went through multiple rounds of interviews, got the official offer, signed the paperwork and even started making plans to relocate. I told all of my friends and family, and we celebrated together. It felt like such a proud moment. Then, out of nowhere, the company rescinded the offer. They claimed it was due to “organizational changes,” but it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I had already quit my previous job and was prepared to start this next chapter. Now I’m left scrambling with no job, no backup plan and a lot of shame.

I can’t stop thinking about how excited I was when I shared the news, and now I feel embarrassed and like I’ve let everyone down. How do I recover from something like this emotionally, professionally and socially? How do I shake the feeling that I got ahead of myself, even though I thought everything was official? -- Flat-Footed

DEAR FLAT-FOOTED: I wonder if you have any legal rights to push back against the new employer since both sides signed the paperwork? You may want to consult an attorney to determine if there’s any way you can recoup anything by pushing back on them.

Otherwise, this is a horrible situation, and you are left having to pick up the pieces. It will take time. Start by acknowledging that you did nothing wrong. Whatever happened was outside of your power or awareness, but now you must move on. Start looking for a job. Talk to your former employer and explain what happened; perhaps they will take you back. Look around at potential opportunities. What do you want to do for work? Think outside the box. As you are considering all options, be willing to accept short-term work or temp work to help pay the bills in the interim. The rest will heal over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an entrepreneur, and I often hire freelance or contract workers to help support my business. Recently, I had an employee who wasn’t satisfied with my performance as her boss. She took to social media and slandered me personally, using foul language, lying about work conditions and discussing her compensation. She was saying that the work she was doing for me is worth far more than I paid her, totally forgetting the fact that she signed a contract and agreed to said compensation. Based on her completely unprofessional behavior, I decided to withhold her last payments, as I feel she put my entire business and its reputation at stake with her public performance and poor decisions. How do I get myself out of this situation? -- Irrational Employee

DEAR IRRATIONAL EMPLOYEE: If you owe this person money, you should pay her so that you have proof that you fulfilled your obligations. Denying her compensation will only fuel her fire. Send her final paycheck in the mail. Then block her and move on.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a supporting role in the entertainment industry. With the work I do and the reputation my company has in this industry, I have met a lot of celebrities and high-profile individuals. A friend of mine is currently looking for new job opportunities and shared what her ultimate dream job would be -- it happens to be with a brand I’ll be working with in the next few weeks. She asked if I could share their contact information with her, but I’m not comfortable with that. I do not want to ruffle feathers or compromise my own position, but in the same breath, I want to be a resource for qualified friends in need. While I have been in touch with individuals at this brand, we have not built a close enough rapport for me to refer a friend or make a direct connection. How can I help my friend without sacrificing a client’s privacy? -- Degrees of Separation

DEAR DEGREES OF SEPARATION: It sounds like you are too new in your role -- at least with this brand -- to be able to make a referral or recommendation for your friend. Tell her the truth: As much as you want to help her, now would not work. You have to prove yourself on the job and build a rapport with your clients before introducing them to other people. Your friend may get mad, but it is essential for you to live and work based on your principles. If you want to work in that industry, you have to build trust, which happens over time. Being in a supporting role can be pivotal in your organization if you are able to be discreet, trustworthy and honorable. That doesn’t mean you can never help your friends. You will know when the time is right to do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a big family. I have six siblings, and I’ve tried to stay close to them despite our differences. Over the years, I’ve worked hard to build a stable and successful career for myself. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, especially because we didn’t grow up with much. Lately, my success has started to feel like a burden rather than a blessing. Because I make more money than my siblings, they constantly come to me for help, asking for loans to cover bills or expecting me to foot the bill whenever we go out. At first, I didn’t mind pitching in here and there -- I love my family, and I know they’ve struggled -- but now it’s becoming overwhelming. Some of my siblings have come to rely on me without trying to improve their own situations. When I say no or try to set boundaries, they make me feel guilty or call me selfish. I don’t want to create tension in the family, but I also can’t be everyone’s safety net forever. How do I support my family without sacrificing my own peace of mind or financial stability? -- Family Bank

DEAR FAMILY BANK: Set aside a specific amount of money that you are willing to share with your family. Let them know that you have allocated limited resources to help them, but when it’s gone, they are on their own. You can set up benchmarks for how much they get and when, but essentially you have to stop the bleed. Being firm while remaining generous is a way you can live with yourself and help them to become more independent.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)