DEAR HARRIETTE: I always feel pressure to be the “strong one” in my friend group. I’m the one everyone turns to when they’re falling apart; I’m a level-headed, reliable friend who gives advice, calms tensions and somehow always knows what to say. I genuinely care about my friends and want to be there for them, but lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally drained. It's like I'm carrying everyone else’s baggage while trying to juggle my own behind the scenes.

What people forget is that I’m still figuring out life, too. I don’t have it all together, I just got good at pretending. It’s my first time being in my 30s, navigating work stress, relationships and everything in between. Some days, I wish someone would check in on me, ask how I’m doing or offer me advice for once. I don’t know how to ask for that without sounding like I’m being dramatic or needy. How do I let my friends know I need support, too? How do I stop being the strong one when all I want is to be held for a change? -- Feeling Vulnerable

DEAR FEELING VULNERABLE: The only way your friends will learn of your needs is if you tell them directly. Choose one friend you think will listen. Sit down with them and say that you need to share something important. Explain that you know you come off as the one who has it all together, but that is not always true. Reveal that you need your friends’ support. You need their wisdom, a shoulder to cry on and a heartfelt hug. Make it clear that you are feeling vulnerable right now and you need your friends to have your back.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m supposed to be going on a girls’ trip later this year. A college friend of mine planned the entire thing months in advance and shared a guest list, itinerary, budget and villa with all of us. We were using an online group chat to communicate updates and keep track of payments and things like that. The other day, I noticed that someone I do not get along with was added to the chat. I was pretty surprised since my friend who’s planning the trip knows about the tension between us. I wish my friend had asked me if I felt comfortable before she extended an invitation to this person.

I paid my deposit in full months ago and was under the impression that the trip was at capacity. If I back out now, I’ll lose a hefty deposit, but if I go, I may not enjoy myself. This feels like a lose-lose situation. Any advice? -- Uncomfortable Vacation

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE VACATION: Call the organizer and ask how and when this person got added to the list. Explain that you were unpleasantly surprised to see that name in the group chat as you would not have agreed to go on the trip if you knew she was invited. Under the circumstances, ask the organizer for your deposit back. Stand your ground, saying that this is no longer the trip you signed up for. If you are unable to get a refund, decide whether you can go anyway and just avoid being with that person, or if you'd rather just forfeit the money.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As we all know, there’s a lot of controversy happening in the world lately, which often makes for heated discussions. The other day, a few neighbors and I were in the common room of our building, talking about some of the maintenance issues we’ve experienced in the building. Out of nowhere, one guy began sharing his thoughts on immigration. I am cordial with my neighbors but not close with any of them. I was completely caught off guard, and so were other people in the room. While I know not all of us share the same views on immigration, I knew at that moment that most of us didn’t even want to broach the topic. What is a respectful way to end these kinds of politically charged conversations? -- Avoiding Politics

DEAR AVOIDING POLITICS: It is OK to speak up in a group like that -- especially with your neighbors -- and ask for that line of discussion to end. You can say: “Let’s agree to keep political topics off the table here. This is a sensitive subject, and I’m sure among us there are many opinions, but this is home. Let’s keep it a safe space by making it a politically neutral zone.”

If he or someone else were to push back, you could push, too, and add that the group was talking about something else before he interjected this unwelcome topic. Similarly, whenever someone introduces a subject that offends you or you don’t want to entertain, be ready to ask them to change the topic. You can do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Nearly a decade ago, my husband was diagnosed with early-onset dementia and has been rapidly declining for the past couple of years. We were in our early 50s when he was diagnosed, and he had apparently been dealing with it for years already.

As things got worse for him, I assumed the role of his caretaker, and the wife in me quickly slipped away. Unfortunately, his health got to a point where we had to put him in a care home. I know this may sound selfish, but after years of feeling alone, I have been contemplating dating again. We are still married, but sadly, my husband is not himself anymore. He has lost his ability to speak and hasn’t recognized me for a long time. Why do I feel like I am betraying him when I consider dating again? -- Wife’s Guilt

DEAR WIFE’S GUILT: You are craving companionship. From what I have read, this can be difficult for caregivers of dementia patients. First, I’d suggest you engage a therapist. Talk through your feelings, and then do what the experts recommend: join a support group to safely express your feelings, talk to family to let them know what you are thinking and make a decision that you can live with that helps you to cope and live your life. This is difficult, as you know. You can expect that some people will judge you on your actions. Get the blessing of your loved ones if you can. That can help you take the steps you need to care for yourself. For more on this: tinyurl.com/yc3hh256.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: If I’m being entirely honest, I am extremely jealous of my sister. She has always been smarter than me and prettier than me, and things just seem to come more easily for her. Growing up, teachers would always compare us, and even now as adults, I feel like people still put her on a pedestal. She has a great job and a loving boyfriend, and she seems to carry herself with a level of confidence that I’ve never felt. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m constantly playing catch-up in every area of my life: It took me six years to get my undergraduate degree, I’ve been unemployed for a year now and I still live with my parents.

I’ve tried really hard not to let my jealousy show, and I’m always polite and supportive when we’re together. Inside, though, I can’t help but feel like I’ll never measure up. I know it’s not healthy to compare myself to her, but it’s almost impossible not to when we’re related and people constantly make comments about how amazing she is. How do I stop feeling like I’m always in her shadow? I want to be genuinely happy for her without it making me feel worse about myself. -- Fighting Jealousy

DEAR FIGHTING JEALOUSY: Comparison can kill your spirit and your relationship with your sister. Start seeing her through loving eyes as you do the same for yourself. Compare yourself only to yourself. What have you done well today, this month, this year? What do you want to work on to improve your life? What makes you happy? Choose to spend time cultivating your life with your friends.

When others comment about your sister, agree with what you think is true, and move on. Don't take it as a criticism of you, and don’t attempt to stand up for yourself. Let the moment pass. Love yourself in all your uniqueness. Practice believing that you are enough, because you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple weeks back, my car broke down on me. The car wouldn’t turn on, so I had to have it towed to my usual mechanic to get his opinion on the repair. After inspecting my car, he assured me that I’d need to order a part, and he could get the job done. He quoted me a steep price, but due to his confidence, I agreed to the service. A week or so went by, and he let me know that my car was ready. I grabbed a cab and headed his way, and while on the way there, he sent another message saying that I’d still need a ride and a tow truck for my car. I was so confused.

When I got to the mechanic’s, he admitted that he knew from the start that he wouldn’t be able to fix my car, but he really needed the money. I was in shock! I couldn’t believe that he would admit to blatantly stealing from me. Not only did I waste my time, but I spent money on parts, labor and two tow trucks! It feels like he did this because he’s not expecting any repercussions. How can I teach this guy a lesson? -- Ripped Off

DEAR RIPPED OFF: Go to the police immediately and file a report. This man committed a crime and admitted it to you. Tell the police everything. Show your receipts. Be prepared to take him to small-claims court.

Be sure to warn your circle about what happened. You can also leave reviews online.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)