DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and his wife are separated, and things have gotten messy. Because it seems that they have come to a standstill, now his wife’s family has started reaching out to extended family members -- including me -- to encourage us to try to get them back together. I don’t want to get involved. This is their business. I can’t imagine that there is anything I can say or do that will be helpful. I’ve seen how these things play out: Family members share their opinions, and the next thing you know, bad feelings are now directed at you instead of the couple dealing with their stuff. How can I let these people know that I want nothing to do with what’s happening between my brother and his wife? -- None of My Business

DEAR NONE OF MY BUSINESS: When you are approached, stop whoever is talking to you before they say too much, and explain that you are unwilling to discuss your brother and sister-in-law’s business. You wish the best for them and the family -- whatever that is -- but you will refrain from giving your opinion or your advice. Refuse to gossip about whatever is going on.

Call your brother and let him know what’s happening. Suggest that he and his wife come to terms before the family makes things even messier.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a friend through my work who moved away for a new job some years ago, and we lost contact. I actually tried pretty hard to stay in touch with her, but she didn’t respond. I saw her recently when she was in town, and we shared a warm greeting. She said she had been extremely busy with work and apologized for not being responsive. She seemed genuinely interested in reconnecting. I would like to rekindle our friendship, but I worry that I will get my feelings hurt again if she remains distant. How should I handle this? -- Renewed Friendship

DEAR RENEWED FRIENDSHIP: Check your expectations before you reach out again. What do you want and need to be fulfilled in this friendship? Did you have that with this person when the two of you were in the same town? Do you believe she has the capacity to offer that to you now? Can you reduce your expectations?

These are important questions for you to consider seriously so that you have clarity on what is likely to unfold. How often do you want to be able to communicate with this person? What amount of engagement will be acceptable to you?

Once you figure that out, reach out to her. First, ask for something manageable -- perhaps a call to check in. Send her a text periodically letting her know you are thinking about her. See what unfolds naturally. Some friendships live with little tending. Time goes by, and when friends connect, it feels good. In other instances, it can be disconcerting not to have more frequent engagement. You have to figure out what works in this friendship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another manager within my firm told me a few weeks ago that she wants me to come work for her full-time. I have been temporarily supporting her because she recently lost her executive assistant, and we work together well. This switch could have me working in the human resources department, which I have been trying to transition into. My current manager is not aware of this potential full-time switch, though, which makes this a delicate situation. I haven’t seen much progress toward my permanent switch to the new team since the first few conversations I had with that manager. Should I bring it up again? Or would that put me in an awkward position with my current manager? -- Being Poached

DEAR BEING POACHED: Since you have been working for this other manager temporarily, it suggests that your manager is aware of the relationship. You can reach out to the human resources manager to find out the status of the offer. Let that manager know you are interested, but out of respect for your current boss, you would want to talk to them about it before making a move.

Know that your current manager may already be aware of the interest, so be careful. Do your job well. If possible, talk to your boss about your future and what interests you. See if there is room for growth where you are as you listen to see what may be available in another area.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in the city, and stray cats are a dime a dozen. Recently, a pregnant stray was lurking around my backyard. I figured she just wanted somewhere safe to rest here and there, but apparently she was scouting for a place to give birth! After seeing her around for a few days straight, I discovered three newborn kittens in my shed. It was amazing, but then a day went past, and their mom didn’t return. I was worried about how they’d eat and if they’d survive, but a day or so later, she returned for them. There are a lot of strays in my neighborhood. What is the best thing to do if I come across young stray kittens in the future? -- Stray Cats

DEAR STRAY CATS: It sounds like finding the cats on your property made you smile rather than cringe. That said, you need to decide what relationship you want to have with the stray cats and their growing families should this happen again. You say that there are many strays in your neighborhood. Even so, you may not want your property to become a sanctuary for them. Contact your local animal control or animal shelter to get their support in humanely removing the stray cats from your property. Many will ensure that the cats go to a welcoming home.

For the health of the animals, do provide water for any stray kittens who make their way to your home. Know that many people want cats. If you connect with the animal professionals who will rehome newborn kittens, you will be bringing safety and joy to many. For more ideas, visit catster.com/cat-behavior/what-to-do-with-a-stray-cat-that-wont-leave.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Retired licensed psychotherapist specializing in children and families here. With regard to “Out-of-Control Toddler,” the parent struggling with a toddler who has started hitting, there is now much empirical evidence to suggest that the "gentle parenting" that your advice reflects is ineffectual, especially for toddlers and especially with regard to hitting others. The goal is not only to extinguish these behaviors but to concurrently teach conscience development, personal accountability and responsibility for one's actions, which in turn develops empathy for others and aids in emotional regulation.

With all due respect, in the case of hitting others, what triggers the hitting behavior is irrelevant. Children need to learn quickly that no matter what anyone does to make them angry, hitting another person is unacceptable and, if left unchecked, can result in serious legal issues if a child goes home with bruises or a bloody nose.

First of all, I am assuming that there are no other children in the house. In interactions with others, especially siblings, children learn that hitting others is off-limits as parents are usually present to observe and intervene.

When there are no siblings, I would highly suggest that this parent invite other same-age children to the house for supervised playdates. In this way, the child can learn coping mechanisms at home. For example, if the friend takes a toy away from the child and the child hits in return, the parent should take their child aside and say, "We don't ever hit other people." The child might say, "Well, they took my toy," and the parent should reply with, "I know that makes you angry and what they did wasn't nice, but when we are angry, we never hit anyone. We use our words to tell them that it wasn't nice -- but we never, ever hit." Then let the kids work it out under parental supervision.

After the other child goes home, the parent should talk to the toddler. Let them know that when someone does something mean or hurtful to them, it is OK and normal to feel hurt and angry, but no matter what they did, it is never OK to hit them. Say, "Let's think and practice how you can use your words next time instead of hitting, because hitting is unacceptable." This will take time, of course, but repetition is key.

If this behavior continues, it could have serious legal ramifications for the child and family. -- Professional Insight

DEAR PROFESSIONAL INSIGHT AND OTHERS WHO WROTE IN ABOUT THIS SCENARIO: This is such an important topic and such a poignant response that I decided to give it space rather than shorten your input.

Teaching children not to hit or fight is essential in our culture and may be difficult for some children. Your modeling advice is helpful. A parent’s job is critical in a situation like this as the child must learn proper behavior. Partnering with the teacher and other school leadership is also important so that the child’s behavior can be addressed in the moment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)