DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is trying to become a content creator. While I want to support her dreams, it’s starting to take a toll on our relationship. Every time we spend time together, whether it’s getting coffee, going on a walk or just hanging out at home, it somehow turns into a content production day. She’s constantly filming, taking pictures, asking me to retake videos or stopping in the middle of a conversation to capture the “perfect shot.”

I get that this is important to her, and I know building a platform takes work, but I miss when we could just be present with each other, talking, laughing and sharing memories without it needing to be documented or curated for public consumption. It feels like I’m spending time with her online persona, not my actual sister. I sometimes feel used as a prop for her brand instead of appreciated as a person. How do I talk to her about this without sounding dismissive of her goals or unsupportive of her hustle? -- Used

DEAR USED: Just tell her. Point out that you need to create some boundaries when you are together so that every moment isn’t work. The workaholic nature of her behavior is interfering with your time together, and you need it to stop -- or at least not be so invasive. Tell her you will allow a certain amount of production when you are together, but request that most of your time be reserved for just the two of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I always focus on the negative that’s going on around me. When something good happens, I doubt that it's real and wonder when the other shoe will drop. My friends have told me that I am too negative. I think it may be because when I was young, bad things happened all the time. My parents got divorced just as I started making friends at school, and then we had to move because we couldn’t afford our house. Then my sister got sick, and all of the attention went to her and hardly any to me. The only time anybody seemed to notice me was when I had a problem. When I think about it, the bad stuff is what drew the most attention. Now it's the opposite. People don’t want to be around me if I am in constant complaint mode, but I don’t know how to snap out of it. Can you help? -- Be Positive

BE POSITIVE: Medical professionals have noted that the human brain naturally has negative thoughts throughout the day, in part to protect itself from the elements and any outside danger. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to choose to think positive thoughts, to train our brains to look for the good in situations even if bad things have happened in the past. In your case, this may require you to rethink how you are accustomed to getting attention and retrain your brain to look for healthier means of finding the love you want and need.

Try it out. What happens if you choose to be in an upbeat environment and notice the good surrounding you? Similarly, what if you take a moment to see the good in a situation that is stressful? Look for something good even if something negative is also happening. Focus on that.

Finally, get a therapist to help you sort through your baggage and find a clearing for how to face the future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a family member who is dying. She is a grumpy woman, and everybody in my family is tired of dealing with her. Same goes for the people in the assisted living facility where she lives. They tolerate her, but they don’t do anything extra because she complains constantly. She has always been grumpy, talking down to people and generally being a naysayer.

I feel like it is my duty as her nephew to be there for her. I can’t get my family to come around, so I visit her just about every week. How can I get the people at the facility to spend a little more time with her? They seem to do the bare minimum. I guess I don’t blame them, but I do need somebody to watch out for her. -- Grumpy Old Lady

DEAR GRUMPY OLD LADY: If you have the budget, hire an additional caregiver to sit with her for a few hours a day. You may be able to use supplementary insurance to cover most or all of the cost, so it’s worth it to check. When you interview people for the job, be honest about your aunt’s disposition and be clear regarding what you want them to do. Then oversee the interaction. Go to the facility regularly to observe and interact. Give pep talks to both your aunt and the caregiver about getting along. People don’t usually change with age unless their health condition precipitates it. You need to hire someone who is willing and able to deal with a difficult personality.

You may want to ask members of your extended family to visit your aunt, but respect their decisions if they decline.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was dating a guy for about a year, off and on. I enjoyed his company a lot when we were together, but he pretty much ghosted me when we were apart. I told him I didn’t like that, but he didn’t change much. He said that this is how he is: Take it or leave it. Anyhow, I had a loss in my family that was devastating for me, and he was nowhere to be found. This really hurt my feelings. Do I say something to him or just walk away? He has hardly been around, but part of me wants to let him know how his absence hurt me. -- Left Alone

DEAR LEFT ALONE: Don’t set yourself up for more pain. This man has not shown up for you in a way that would help you. This happened even before you were dealing with a loss. Why seek him out to tell him off? What do you think this will accomplish? For starters, you may not even be able to find him. You say he hasn’t been around. Tracking him down could be hard. More, what is the point of this confrontation? He has already made it crystal clear that he cannot or will not be there for you the way you want. Now is not the time to put yourself in a position to get your feelings hurt again. Turn to others who have proven their love for you rather than begging him for something he is not offering.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have been together for a while now, and I truly care about him. He's kind and stable, and we have a strong connection. The only issue is that we’re at different stages in our lives. He’s five years older than me and is ready to settle down. He talks about marriage, buying a home and planning for the future in concrete ways. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure things out. I’m just beginning to explore who I am, what I want from my career and what kind of life I want to build. It’s not that I don’t see a future with him; it’s that I’m not sure when that future would feel right for me.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being as ready as he is, like I’m holding him back. Other times I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to speed up my own timeline to match his. I want to be fair to both of us, but I’m scared of making a decision I’ll regret, whether that means rushing into something I’m not prepared for or walking away from someone I really love. How do I know if this relationship can survive us being in different phases of life? -- Not on the Same Page

DEAR NOT ON THE SAME PAGE: Relationships require acceptance and compromise. Talk about your situation directly. Explain to your partner where you are and the uncertainty that you feel -- not about him, but about the timing. Consider together how comfortable you can be if you stay together but move at a slower pace. Agree on boundaries that you are both willing to enforce in your relationship as well as time markers for when you will check in to see where you both stand about the future.

Think about the long term. Some people are able to find a rhythm even when their clocks are different. For others, the years between them cause a great divide. You will need to determine what works for you. It needs to be an agreement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the weekend, my daughter had a few of her friends over while I was out running errands. When I came home, I discovered that an expensive crystal vase had been shattered. This wasn’t just any vase: It was a gift from my deceased grandmother. Apparently, one of the girls accidentally knocked it over while they were playing. My daughter apologized, and I know it wasn’t intentional, but I can’t help feeling upset. I’ve been trying not to take it out on her, but I also feel like she should’ve been more careful and respectful, especially knowing how important that vase was to me.

I’m also not sure whether to say something to the parents of the friend who broke it. Part of me feels like it’s just a mistake and maybe I should let it go, but the other part thinks there should be some accountability, especially considering the emotional and financial value of the item. How do I handle this without damaging relationships but still honoring how I feel? -- Upset

DEAR UPSET: Let it go. Do not reach out to the parents. It was an accident. For the future, put valuables in safe places and possibly relegate your daughter and her company to play-safe areas of your home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)