DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a family member who is dying. She is a grumpy woman, and everybody in my family is tired of dealing with her. Same goes for the people in the assisted living facility where she lives. They tolerate her, but they don’t do anything extra because she complains constantly. She has always been grumpy, talking down to people and generally being a naysayer.

I feel like it is my duty as her nephew to be there for her. I can’t get my family to come around, so I visit her just about every week. How can I get the people at the facility to spend a little more time with her? They seem to do the bare minimum. I guess I don’t blame them, but I do need somebody to watch out for her. -- Grumpy Old Lady

DEAR GRUMPY OLD LADY: If you have the budget, hire an additional caregiver to sit with her for a few hours a day. You may be able to use supplementary insurance to cover most or all of the cost, so it’s worth it to check. When you interview people for the job, be honest about your aunt’s disposition and be clear regarding what you want them to do. Then oversee the interaction. Go to the facility regularly to observe and interact. Give pep talks to both your aunt and the caregiver about getting along. People don’t usually change with age unless their health condition precipitates it. You need to hire someone who is willing and able to deal with a difficult personality.

You may want to ask members of your extended family to visit your aunt, but respect their decisions if they decline.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was dating a guy for about a year, off and on. I enjoyed his company a lot when we were together, but he pretty much ghosted me when we were apart. I told him I didn’t like that, but he didn’t change much. He said that this is how he is: Take it or leave it. Anyhow, I had a loss in my family that was devastating for me, and he was nowhere to be found. This really hurt my feelings. Do I say something to him or just walk away? He has hardly been around, but part of me wants to let him know how his absence hurt me. -- Left Alone

DEAR LEFT ALONE: Don’t set yourself up for more pain. This man has not shown up for you in a way that would help you. This happened even before you were dealing with a loss. Why seek him out to tell him off? What do you think this will accomplish? For starters, you may not even be able to find him. You say he hasn’t been around. Tracking him down could be hard. More, what is the point of this confrontation? He has already made it crystal clear that he cannot or will not be there for you the way you want. Now is not the time to put yourself in a position to get your feelings hurt again. Turn to others who have proven their love for you rather than begging him for something he is not offering.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have been together for a while now, and I truly care about him. He's kind and stable, and we have a strong connection. The only issue is that we’re at different stages in our lives. He’s five years older than me and is ready to settle down. He talks about marriage, buying a home and planning for the future in concrete ways. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure things out. I’m just beginning to explore who I am, what I want from my career and what kind of life I want to build. It’s not that I don’t see a future with him; it’s that I’m not sure when that future would feel right for me.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being as ready as he is, like I’m holding him back. Other times I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to speed up my own timeline to match his. I want to be fair to both of us, but I’m scared of making a decision I’ll regret, whether that means rushing into something I’m not prepared for or walking away from someone I really love. How do I know if this relationship can survive us being in different phases of life? -- Not on the Same Page

DEAR NOT ON THE SAME PAGE: Relationships require acceptance and compromise. Talk about your situation directly. Explain to your partner where you are and the uncertainty that you feel -- not about him, but about the timing. Consider together how comfortable you can be if you stay together but move at a slower pace. Agree on boundaries that you are both willing to enforce in your relationship as well as time markers for when you will check in to see where you both stand about the future.

Think about the long term. Some people are able to find a rhythm even when their clocks are different. For others, the years between them cause a great divide. You will need to determine what works for you. It needs to be an agreement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the weekend, my daughter had a few of her friends over while I was out running errands. When I came home, I discovered that an expensive crystal vase had been shattered. This wasn’t just any vase: It was a gift from my deceased grandmother. Apparently, one of the girls accidentally knocked it over while they were playing. My daughter apologized, and I know it wasn’t intentional, but I can’t help feeling upset. I’ve been trying not to take it out on her, but I also feel like she should’ve been more careful and respectful, especially knowing how important that vase was to me.

I’m also not sure whether to say something to the parents of the friend who broke it. Part of me feels like it’s just a mistake and maybe I should let it go, but the other part thinks there should be some accountability, especially considering the emotional and financial value of the item. How do I handle this without damaging relationships but still honoring how I feel? -- Upset

DEAR UPSET: Let it go. Do not reach out to the parents. It was an accident. For the future, put valuables in safe places and possibly relegate your daughter and her company to play-safe areas of your home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over Memorial Day weekend, I hosted a small get-together at my home with my extended family. My cousin brought her 1-year-old son, who’s just starting to walk and explore the world around him. He’s a sweet little boy and was especially fascinated by my dog. The problem is that my dog has never been great around small children. He’s anxious by nature and tends to get overstimulated easily. I usually keep him away from kids for that reason, but in the chaos of the day, I let my guard down.

At one point, before anyone could intervene, the baby startled my dog, and my dog reacted by biting him. It wasn’t just a nip, either. It was a hard bite, and it left a mark. Thankfully, the injury wasn’t severe, but it was enough to cause a lot of distress, especially for my cousin and her husband. My cousin was understandably upset, and while she tried to be civil about it, I could tell she was angry and hurt.

I feel so much guilt about the bite, but I’m also worried about what this means for our relationship moving forward and for my dog. I don’t know how to make things right. Should I have done more to prevent the situation? How do I approach my cousin now and express how sorry I am without making things worse? -- Dog Bite

DEAR DOG BITE: Follow up with your cousin to make sure her son is OK. Apologize again for what happened. Assure her that in the future, you will put your dog on a leash or otherwise ensure that your dog is nowhere near the child when they visit.

Chances are, they won’t be visiting anytime soon. In time, they might if you can guarantee that their child will be out of harm’s way. Some people cage their dogs or shut them in another room when they have visitors.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend keeps self-sabotaging her future, but I can’t quite figure out why or how to help. At one point, she was doing really well in school. She was a stellar student and had a sharp mind. We were both supposed to graduate two years ago, but halfway through our senior year, she decided to switch her major completely, which set her back about three years. Since then, she changed her major once more and then decided school just wasn’t for her.

Since leaving school, my friend has had long periods of unemployment or short periods working here, there and everywhere. This is someone who used to have her whole life planned out. Do you think it is pressure that caused her to change so drastically? Did I miss something major that happened to her? -- Complete 180

DEAR COMPLETE 180: Your friend might be suffering from depression or another mental illness that has derailed her. Perhaps a traumatic experience occurred that she is not dealing with directly. If you think she will talk to you, ask her what’s going on. Gently try to get her to talk to you about her choices and her desires for the future. Do your best to be there for her without judgment as she weathers this period of uncertainty, but don’t beat yourself up. Your friend is living her life. You must live yours.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)