DEAR HARRIETTE: My eldest daughter is in a relationship with someone who is nearly twice her age. My daughter is 23, so when she shared the news with me that she was dating someone seriously, I was happy for her. She lives with me, so I’d see flowers being delivered and hear long-winded phone calls. She told me that things were serious between the two of them, so I asked if I’d be meeting him soon. She told me she was nervous because there are things about him that I may not like; that’s when she admitted that he’s 40 years old. I am only 48! So, yes, I find it strange that a man nearly my age finds interest in my daughter who only just finished college. Her life has barely begun.

Needless to say, I expressed my disapproval to my daughter and tried to explain why I find it inappropriate. I explained that it may seem nice now because he can offer stability and seems further ahead than she is, but there is no need for her to yearn for those things just yet. She’s still dating him, and her choice has put a strain on our relationship. How can I get through to her? -- Older Man

DEAR OLDER MAN: Tread lightly. People who feel they are in love rarely listen to criticism about their relationship. That goes double for young adults and their parents. Remind your daughter that you love her and you’re here for her.

You are not wrong to have some concerns. I can also tell you that I know couples of similar age gaps who have made it work. Indeed, a close friend of mine married a man more than 20 years her senior, and he just passed away after more than 30 years of marriage. On the flip side, I know another woman who married a man 20 years her senior who is now basically serving as his caretaker. Who knows what your daughter’s fate will be?

DEAR HARRIETTE: Thank you for the beautiful tribute to your mother. You gave all your readers the gift of getting to know her just a little. May we all be remembered the way you honored her in your remembrance. I'm putting this in my quote book, along with your name and hers: "Have faith. Keep good company. Stand up for what you believe. Be able to support yourself. Be beautiful from the inside out." I plan to share those sentiments with my family this week especially, as my son graduates college and is setting off in the world.

Thank you for your generosity in sharing your mom with us. Wishing you and your family lots of comfort in the wonderful memories you have of Doris Irene Freeland Cole. -- Your Reader, Vicki

DEAR VICKI AND ALL OF MY READERS WHO HAVE EXPRESSED CONDOLENCES: Thank you for your kind words and loving sentiments. We had a glorious weekend of celebration in her honor, complete with many former kindergarten students -- now all senior citizens -- who shared how profoundly my mother had impacted their lives. My sisters and I are buoyed by the abundance of loving support we continue to receive.

We send our love to anyone who has lost a loved one during this season. The cycle of life continues with birth and death, joy and sorrow. May we all find peace in rejoicing in the love that makes it possible for us to go on, even during tender times.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it OK to be selective about where or when I spend time with certain friends? Or does that make me shallow? One of my best friends is loud and often asks invasive questions. She likes being in the limelight, so she draws attention to our group by joking incessantly or interjecting in conversations. I love her because she is genuinely vibrant and caring, but sometimes in professional settings or even around new friends in casual settings, I find myself worrying about the impression she’ll give. I can see sometimes that her humor and her way of connecting with people is not well-received, but I don’t know how to help in the moment without embarrassing her. She is intelligent, but she seems socially oblivious. Should I try to teach her otherwise, or be more mindful of what sorts of things and places I invite her to? -- Center of Attention

DEAR CENTER OF ATTENTION: You can do two things. First, in private, talk to her about how she interacts with people, and suggest that she step back and read the room before inserting herself into certain situations. Have some examples ready for clarity's sake. You can also be more selective as to where you invite her. That’s not a diss; it’s self-preservation. Not every person is suited to every occasion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before my boyfriend and I met, he was in a long-term relationship with his high school sweetheart until she died. He and I met about three years later, and there were signs that he was still struggling with the loss. We started as friends, and during that time I met several people he had become close with due to the tragedy -- like two of her best friends and some of her family members.

When we started seeing each other romantically, a lot of that part of him trickled into our relationship, like celebrating her birthday with her family or visiting her resting site on the anniversary of her death. He is close with her two best friends and her mom -- all of whom are kind women. Sometimes people who knew his late girlfriend give him cards or share speeches at special occasions, and they regularly bring up her name and discuss the role my boyfriend played in her life.

For a long time, my main focus was supporting this man through his grief and being there for him. He and I have been in a relationship for five years now. I recognize there is no time limit on grief or a love lost, but I wish those around him might recognize how left out I feel as the new woman in his life. Should I share this with my partner? -- Grieving Lover

DEAR GRIEVING LOVER: Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you respect his grief about his former girlfriend, but you also need space to feel that you fully occupy his life as his partner. Don’t ask him to stop his rituals. That probably won’t work. Instead, ask him to prioritize the relationship between you and him and live in the present. Invite his friends to do the same. It is impossible to compete with a ghost.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that my siblings and I are “orphans” -- both of our parents have died -- we have only one another left. This is proving to be challenging. All of our old childhood behaviors are coming back, and I feel stuck in the past. My older sister is really pushing my buttons, and I am finding it difficult to interact well with her without feeling constantly dissed or overly defensive. How can I get to an emotionally stable place with her? Am I delusional in thinking I can finally get past this when I never could when our parents were living? -- Tired of Sibling Rivalry

DEAR TIRED OF SIBLING RIVALRY: Before being in your sister’s company, center yourself. Do a mini meditation where you focus on your own strength and presence. Remind yourself that you have control over yourself. When she says or does things that hit a nerve, do your best to ignore her. When that doesn’t work, ask her to stop, and walk away if you can. If she remains relentless, stop putting yourself in situations where you must be around her. It may be sad, but you do not have to put up with anyone bullying you, including your sister.

If you want to let her know that this is a conscious decision on your part, tell her you have had enough. If she wants a relationship with you, it must come with respect. Otherwise, enjoy your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a lot of issues with my roommate, and most of them seem to stem from how cheap she is. We’re constantly clashing over shared responsibilities and household expenses. For example, she never wants to take her turn when it comes to buying essential shared items like dish soap, paper towels or trash bags. I feel like I’m always the one footing the bill for these things, and it’s starting to build resentment. On top of that, she’s extremely controlling when it comes to the thermostat. She refuses to turn on the heat in the winter or the air conditioning in the summer to save money on utilities, even when it’s uncomfortably cold or hot. I understand wanting to be cost-conscious, but I also think it’s unreasonable to sacrifice basic comfort in a shared living space. I’ve tried to bring up these things with her, but the conversations either go nowhere or turn into passive-aggressive arguments. I don’t want to live in a constant state of tension, but I also don’t want to keep enabling her behavior. How do I set boundaries with her? -- Cheap Roommate

DEAR CHEAP ROOMMATE: You may need to resort to rationing your household items and locking them away when you aren’t using them. Put your foot down regarding the heat and air -- even if you have to pay the difference. That may need to be a point of negotiation.

Clearly, she cannot afford to live there. Your next step needs to be either to find a new place or a new roommate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)