DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it OK to be selective about where or when I spend time with certain friends? Or does that make me shallow? One of my best friends is loud and often asks invasive questions. She likes being in the limelight, so she draws attention to our group by joking incessantly or interjecting in conversations. I love her because she is genuinely vibrant and caring, but sometimes in professional settings or even around new friends in casual settings, I find myself worrying about the impression she’ll give. I can see sometimes that her humor and her way of connecting with people is not well-received, but I don’t know how to help in the moment without embarrassing her. She is intelligent, but she seems socially oblivious. Should I try to teach her otherwise, or be more mindful of what sorts of things and places I invite her to? -- Center of Attention

DEAR CENTER OF ATTENTION: You can do two things. First, in private, talk to her about how she interacts with people, and suggest that she step back and read the room before inserting herself into certain situations. Have some examples ready for clarity's sake. You can also be more selective as to where you invite her. That’s not a diss; it’s self-preservation. Not every person is suited to every occasion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before my boyfriend and I met, he was in a long-term relationship with his high school sweetheart until she died. He and I met about three years later, and there were signs that he was still struggling with the loss. We started as friends, and during that time I met several people he had become close with due to the tragedy -- like two of her best friends and some of her family members.

When we started seeing each other romantically, a lot of that part of him trickled into our relationship, like celebrating her birthday with her family or visiting her resting site on the anniversary of her death. He is close with her two best friends and her mom -- all of whom are kind women. Sometimes people who knew his late girlfriend give him cards or share speeches at special occasions, and they regularly bring up her name and discuss the role my boyfriend played in her life.

For a long time, my main focus was supporting this man through his grief and being there for him. He and I have been in a relationship for five years now. I recognize there is no time limit on grief or a love lost, but I wish those around him might recognize how left out I feel as the new woman in his life. Should I share this with my partner? -- Grieving Lover

DEAR GRIEVING LOVER: Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you respect his grief about his former girlfriend, but you also need space to feel that you fully occupy his life as his partner. Don’t ask him to stop his rituals. That probably won’t work. Instead, ask him to prioritize the relationship between you and him and live in the present. Invite his friends to do the same. It is impossible to compete with a ghost.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that my siblings and I are “orphans” -- both of our parents have died -- we have only one another left. This is proving to be challenging. All of our old childhood behaviors are coming back, and I feel stuck in the past. My older sister is really pushing my buttons, and I am finding it difficult to interact well with her without feeling constantly dissed or overly defensive. How can I get to an emotionally stable place with her? Am I delusional in thinking I can finally get past this when I never could when our parents were living? -- Tired of Sibling Rivalry

DEAR TIRED OF SIBLING RIVALRY: Before being in your sister’s company, center yourself. Do a mini meditation where you focus on your own strength and presence. Remind yourself that you have control over yourself. When she says or does things that hit a nerve, do your best to ignore her. When that doesn’t work, ask her to stop, and walk away if you can. If she remains relentless, stop putting yourself in situations where you must be around her. It may be sad, but you do not have to put up with anyone bullying you, including your sister.

If you want to let her know that this is a conscious decision on your part, tell her you have had enough. If she wants a relationship with you, it must come with respect. Otherwise, enjoy your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a lot of issues with my roommate, and most of them seem to stem from how cheap she is. We’re constantly clashing over shared responsibilities and household expenses. For example, she never wants to take her turn when it comes to buying essential shared items like dish soap, paper towels or trash bags. I feel like I’m always the one footing the bill for these things, and it’s starting to build resentment. On top of that, she’s extremely controlling when it comes to the thermostat. She refuses to turn on the heat in the winter or the air conditioning in the summer to save money on utilities, even when it’s uncomfortably cold or hot. I understand wanting to be cost-conscious, but I also think it’s unreasonable to sacrifice basic comfort in a shared living space. I’ve tried to bring up these things with her, but the conversations either go nowhere or turn into passive-aggressive arguments. I don’t want to live in a constant state of tension, but I also don’t want to keep enabling her behavior. How do I set boundaries with her? -- Cheap Roommate

DEAR CHEAP ROOMMATE: You may need to resort to rationing your household items and locking them away when you aren’t using them. Put your foot down regarding the heat and air -- even if you have to pay the difference. That may need to be a point of negotiation.

Clearly, she cannot afford to live there. Your next step needs to be either to find a new place or a new roommate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently broke my foot, and as a result, I’m now in a walking boot and on crutches for the next two to three months. It’s been a major adjustment; everything from getting dressed to running errands has become a challenge.

I live alone in a major city where I rely heavily on public transportation, which has made things even more complicated. Navigating buses and trains with crutches is exhausting, and sometimes it feels nearly impossible to get to a doctor’s appointment or pick up groceries. What’s been most surprising and disappointing, though, is the lack of support from my closest friends. While some have checked in via text, none have really offered to help in a practical way, like bringing food, giving me a ride or coming over to keep me company. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, but I guess I expected a little more compassion or initiative, especially from people I’ve been there for in the past. I don't want to come across as needy or burdensome, but at the same time, I’m feeling overwhelmed and a little hurt. Is it wrong to feel let down? -- Broken

DEAR BROKEN: Sure, you can feel let down, but that feeling isn’t going to help you any. Instead, be proactive. Your friends clearly do not understand what your needs are, so you must tell them. Make a list of how they can help you, and ask if any of them are willing to do so. Some of your friends will step up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do I have to tip for everything these days? I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by how often I’m expected to leave a tip -- at coffee shops, takeout counters and self-checkout kiosks. It seems like no matter where I go, there’s a screen prompting me to leave 20% or more, even when there hasn’t been any real service involved.

I’m all for supporting workers, and I understand that many service employees rely on tips as a main source of their income, but it’s starting to feel excessive. I used to associate tipping with sit-down restaurants or services where someone really went out of their way to help me. Now it feels like a moral dilemma every time I buy a muffin or get a cup of tea. I don’t want to seem stingy or disrespectful, but I’m also on a budget and these little tips are adding up fast. Is it wrong to feel this way? How do I navigate tipping culture without going broke or feeling guilty every time I hit the “no tip” button? -- The Art of Tipping

DEAR THE ART OF TIPPING: The extent to which tips are requested has changed. You are right that most checkouts request tips. That does not mean you have to give it. You can still go by the wisdom that you tip for attentive service. Look around -- in some small coffee shops, you will notice workers truly extending themselves as they care for customers -- a perfect time to tip. Do not tip at self-checkout stations, fast-food counters or drive-through windows. Use your judgment and leave the guilt behind.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)