DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law “Kate” worked for me for several years. Last summer, she had a baby and said she’d return to work immediately after maternity leave. The week before she was to come back to work, I emailed her the upcoming work schedule. Kate informed me that she wouldn’t be returning. I wanted to send back a scathing email, but instead, I replied, "I am at a loss for words, and you put me in a difficult position as far as scheduling for the holiday shopping season with your decision." She replied, "Sorry."

I ended up having to work extra hours without pay. It was hard trying to make up for her absence. Eventually, I found out that Kate had never intended to come back to work. I saw texts of her telling people to "keep it a secret" from me. This past weekend, Kate mentioned that their finances were tight, and she was looking to get her job back. After what she did, I have absolutely no intention of hiring her again. Do I tell her that point blank or let her apply and just not hire her? How should I deal with the fallout from the family? -- Family Business

DEAR FAMILY BUSINESS: Your sister-in-law has burned that bridge. She cannot be trusted. You should speak to her and let her know how selfish and deceitful her behavior was regarding her maternity leave and returning to work. While people do those things sometimes in order to get as much money out of their jobs as possible, she is family. She should not have taken advantage of you in that way.

Unless she is your only option, don’t hire her back. If you need her, make her a probationary hire. She will need to prove her loyalty. With a new baby and the many challenges that can come from establishing a new rhythm in her life, she will have to make a big effort to prove herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This letter is regarding “Off-Limits,” the girlfriend who wants her boyfriend of two months to show her where he lives: Your advice for her to be direct was good, but there are perhaps other reasons he doesn’t want her to see where he lives -- maybe he lives at home with his parents or in transitional housing and is embarrassed about this; maybe he is interpreting her request as a way to get him in bed, and he’s not ready for that. In any case, these two need to have an open conversation as you recommended! -- Fan of Yours

DEAR FAN OF YOURS: Good additional considerations. Thanks. Yes, talking is necessary!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing about the letter you received from “Off-Limits,” whose boyfriend of two months hasn't shown her where he lives. My thought is that possibly he's had an experience with a girl that he had dated a short time becoming a stalker after he broke up with her. Maybe he's feeling it's best to know a girl longer than two months before he invites her to know where he lives. -- Another Angle

DEAR ANOTHER ANGLE: Stalkers are hard to shake. Being protective of your personal space is wise before you let somebody all the way in to your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom’s friend is on the hunt for a nice wife for his son and thinks I’d be a great fit. This matchmaker is an older man I know from church, but I’ve never met his son before. My mom asked if I’d be open to hanging out with him and his family just to meet the son and see how I feel. I thought it would be awkward to say no and see the dad at church every week, so I agreed.

After meeting the son and realizing he wasn’t the guy for me, I decided it was probably a bad call to agree to this old-fashioned supervised blind date. Ever since we all had lunch, his dad has been sending me kind text messages and apparently asks my mom for updates. He’s told my mom that his son is interested in getting to know me better, but I find it strange that he’s looking for love through his father. For me, that’s a no-no. Why didn’t he at least have the courage to say that to me on that bizarre first date? I’ve lost all interest (not that I ever had any), but I don’t even know who to reject at this point. -- Arrangement Gone Bad

DEAR ARRANGEMENT GONE BAD: Is this man from a culture that values arranged marriage? If so, that’s possibly why they are using this strategy with you. Since that doesn’t seem to be how you operate, respectfully tell whoever contacts you next that in order for you to figure out if you even like this man, you have to build a relationship with him. If you are willing to talk to him or go out with him again, tell his father or your mother that this suitor needs to step up and make his own move. The young man may be introverted or otherwise socially ill at ease. You can give him a second chance, but not in a way that makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m the friend who always listens, gives thoughtful advice and shows up for others, no matter what I have going on. I genuinely care about the people in my life, and I take pride in being someone they can rely on. Lately, I’ve realized that my energy isn’t being returned. When I’m struggling or going through something, no one really checks in on me. It’s like people assume I’m always fine because I seem strong or emotionally put-together, but the truth is, I’m not.

I don’t want to come off as needy or make people feel like I’m keeping score, but I’m starting to feel invisible in the friendships I give the most to. How do I bring this up without sounding bitter or dramatic, and how do I start prioritizing my own emotional needs for once? I’ve started pulling away a little just to see if anyone notices, and honestly, it’s been quiet. That silence is louder than I expected, and it hurts more than I want to admit. I’m scared that if I stop being the supportive one, I won’t have a place in these friendships at all. -- Isolated

DEAR ISOLATED: It may be time for new friends. More, though, you need to figure out what you need to be happy from the inside out. Nobody else can fill that hole. Figure out what you want and need to be happy and what you want from friends. Moving forward, make that clear to people who are part of your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister “Ruth” and I were both supposed to help a friend settle into her new home, but Ruth backed out after getting a last-minute invite to brunch. Our plans to help our friend had been scheduled long in advance. Ruth’s SUV was packed with furniture and other items that we were expected to bring over, so she asked if she could borrow my car and meet me at our friend’s place later. I agreed reluctantly and drove Ruth’s car over with all of our friend’s belongings.

Later that day, Ruth got into a minor fender bender in my car. She was not hurt, thankfully, and there was no damage to my car, but two months later, my insurance skyrocketed! I recognize that these things can happen to anyone, but Ruth has a history of blowing off commitments for fun, and frankly, I’m sick of it. My insurance has tripled to an enormous amount. I spoke to her about how careless she is, and she was immediately dismissive. Is it fair that I demand she regularly pay the difference between my previous rate and my post-accident rate? What is a realistic remedy here? -- Irresponsible Sister

DEAR IRRESPONSIBLE SISTER: It is fair to ask your sister to pay the difference in your insurance costs, though she may not do it. Demand it anyway. Have a frank conversation with her about her recklessness and its impact on others.

In the future, do not allow Ruth to borrow your car, and remember her flakiness when making plans.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents hired someone to redo their windows, referred to us by a close family friend. On the first day of actual demolition work, the head contractor was not on site. A group of five or six men arrived, and I found myself running point when the head contractor was nowhere to be found. Originally, I was assured that this would be a one-day job and that, upon completion of all windows, we’d pay the remaining balance. Toward the end of the day, the head contractor appeared, demanding we pay at least a portion of our balance so that he could pay his disjointed “crew.” At this point, some windows were only halfway replaced, and others were not even started! We bickered a bit, but out of respect for our friends who referred him and the men who did actual labor -- and were still waiting on my front lawn -- we decided to pay a portion of the remaining balance.

Since then, the contractor has sent us messages saying we refuse to pay what we owe, but when I send photos of the incomplete job or ask when he’ll be back, he does not respond. We feel robbed. Is the Better Business Bureau a good resource in a situation like this? -- Bad Referral

DEAR BAD REFERRAL: Yes, contact the BBB and report the shoddy work. Also, talk to your friends and make them aware of how this job was handled. Referrals mean a lot to people and should be offered only when customers truly found a service valuable. Even so, you have to trust your gut. These people made you suspicious from the start. You may have to cut your losses and find someone else to finish the job.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)