DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister “Ruth” and I were both supposed to help a friend settle into her new home, but Ruth backed out after getting a last-minute invite to brunch. Our plans to help our friend had been scheduled long in advance. Ruth’s SUV was packed with furniture and other items that we were expected to bring over, so she asked if she could borrow my car and meet me at our friend’s place later. I agreed reluctantly and drove Ruth’s car over with all of our friend’s belongings.

Later that day, Ruth got into a minor fender bender in my car. She was not hurt, thankfully, and there was no damage to my car, but two months later, my insurance skyrocketed! I recognize that these things can happen to anyone, but Ruth has a history of blowing off commitments for fun, and frankly, I’m sick of it. My insurance has tripled to an enormous amount. I spoke to her about how careless she is, and she was immediately dismissive. Is it fair that I demand she regularly pay the difference between my previous rate and my post-accident rate? What is a realistic remedy here? -- Irresponsible Sister

DEAR IRRESPONSIBLE SISTER: It is fair to ask your sister to pay the difference in your insurance costs, though she may not do it. Demand it anyway. Have a frank conversation with her about her recklessness and its impact on others.

In the future, do not allow Ruth to borrow your car, and remember her flakiness when making plans.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents hired someone to redo their windows, referred to us by a close family friend. On the first day of actual demolition work, the head contractor was not on site. A group of five or six men arrived, and I found myself running point when the head contractor was nowhere to be found. Originally, I was assured that this would be a one-day job and that, upon completion of all windows, we’d pay the remaining balance. Toward the end of the day, the head contractor appeared, demanding we pay at least a portion of our balance so that he could pay his disjointed “crew.” At this point, some windows were only halfway replaced, and others were not even started! We bickered a bit, but out of respect for our friends who referred him and the men who did actual labor -- and were still waiting on my front lawn -- we decided to pay a portion of the remaining balance.

Since then, the contractor has sent us messages saying we refuse to pay what we owe, but when I send photos of the incomplete job or ask when he’ll be back, he does not respond. We feel robbed. Is the Better Business Bureau a good resource in a situation like this? -- Bad Referral

DEAR BAD REFERRAL: Yes, contact the BBB and report the shoddy work. Also, talk to your friends and make them aware of how this job was handled. Referrals mean a lot to people and should be offered only when customers truly found a service valuable. Even so, you have to trust your gut. These people made you suspicious from the start. You may have to cut your losses and find someone else to finish the job.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a woman in my early 20s, just starting out in my career and trying to get my footing financially. My older sister, who’s in her late 20s, recently accepted a new job in Missouri and is planning to move soon, but she doesn’t have the money to make it happen. Now my parents and sister are pressuring me to cover her moving costs, even though I live in Los Angeles (where everything is expensive) and don’t have a huge income myself. They’re framing it like I should help because I’m “good with money” and live more independently than my sister, but it feels unfair to be treated like the family bank just because I’m responsible. I love my sister and want her to succeed, but I also feel resentful that I’m being put in this position, especially since she’s older than me and has had more time to get on her feet. How do I deal with this without damaging my relationship with my family or abandoning my own financial boundaries? -- Family Bank

DEAR FAMILY BANK: Suggest to your sister that she ask her new employer to cover her expenses -- or at least some portion of them. She can tell them that she really wants to work for them but cannot afford the move without some financial help to get there. Next, either tell her you cannot pay her expenses or agree to pay a portion that you can afford. Don’t feel forced to pay for her move. If your parents feel so strongly about helping your sister, they should chip in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day, I was feeling spontaneous and decided to go on a date with someone I met recently. It felt like a big move for me because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. He was a little different from the type of person I usually go for, and I was proud of myself for being open-minded and giving it a shot. At first, things seemed to be going OK, but toward the end of the night, he made an unprovoked, mean-spirited comment that completely caught me off guard. We ended up getting into an argument, and the date ended on a really sour note. What he said was so unnecessarily hurtful that it’s been sitting with me for days, and now I can’t stop replaying the moment in my head. I know it was just one bad date, but it honestly shook my confidence and made me wonder if dating is even worth it. How do you move past something like this without letting it harden you or make you want to give up on dating altogether? -- Bad Date

DEAR BAD DATE: Unfortunately, bad dates occur. Please do not shut the door on the possibility that you might meet someone great at another time. The good news is that you discovered on your first date with this person that his personality does not measure up to your expectations. Move on. Maybe the next person will be the one for you!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is newly engaged! I was over the moon for her when I heard that her partner had proposed. The next time I saw her, I congratulated her and showered her with joy. She seemed coy and a bit reserved about it -- it was almost as if she was surprised that I knew, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.

It’s been a few months since her engagement, and I’ve noticed some changes with her. We work together, and she has been arriving late quite frequently; all of her excuses about her lateness involve her partner. I don’t know how he’s making her late or why she thinks that’s a valid reason, but I’m beginning to worry. She seems reluctant about planning her wedding. I offered to help create something nice and low-budget, but she asked me to stop making plans. She’s been distant since then. I texted her once around 10 p.m. just checking in and saying we should catch up soon, and her fiance texted me back from her phone saying it’s too late for us to be texting. Isn’t that absurd? Is my friend in trouble? -- Red Flags

DEAR RED FLAGS: See if you can get her to go to lunch with you or take a walk outside during a break. Tell her directly that you are worried about her. Ask her if anything is bothering her or if she needs help. Urge her to talk to someone about whatever is going on -- if not you, find someone else. Hand her a slip of paper with the National Domestic Violence Hotline on it: 1-800-799-7233. Continue to pay attention to what’s going on, and be sure to be there for her when she needs you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating this guy for a little while now, and we’ve really hit it off. On our last date, we were out late, and he got a phone call near midnight. He seemed tense after the call, and without me asking, he told me it was his brother calling for some silly advice. At the end of the night, we went back to his place for the first time. I went to use the bathroom, and I heard him take another phone call. I tried to take my time before coming out so as not to interrupt what sounded like an intense conversation, but when I came out, he hung up on whoever he was speaking with. I asked if everything was OK, and he said yes, so I stayed. We were watching a movie when he began receiving text messages on his screen from a woman’s name. She was texting things like, “Call me back” and “Where are you?” He didn’t acknowledge them, and I felt uncomfortable, so I told him I was going to head home. He has not reached out to me since then. Should I ask him what that was all about? -- Suspicious Date

DEAR SUSPICIOUS DATE: This man clearly has unresolved issues with someone else that he is not ready to discuss. Cut your losses and move on. If he does contact you again, find out if he has extricated himself from that relationship before you decide to jump back in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)